Dear Anita

he should stop pursuing the appearance of green grass and shining sun and instead, pursue the real green grass and shining sun

– See, the core value is still there. green grass and shining sun, not go the other way round; sunset and beautiful night stars. For appearance to real, yes, as a child we used to visualize, and when we grows up, we make it materialized.

I will use your words of less than two hours ago (in reply to another member) as an example: “If a relationship is built based on words of promises“, and you believe those promises, ex., the woman promises to make you her #1,  and based on this promise, you stick around while she insults you, ignores your messages for hours or days, etc…  then you should stop pursuing the appearances of what her promise entails (the good feelings you had as a child when you imagined that your family will finally make you #1, instead of last).

– This phrase sound to me more to generalizing based on your experience. What do you mean I believe? I don’t believe promises but rather practicality. The idea behind this  “If a relationship is built based on words of promises“, if a relationship is built without fundamentally understand a person, the relationship may not work. I assume you are referring to my ex when promises were to maintain the relationship. Unfortunately it is not. How I was being in the relationship with my ex was she was my type , no promises, we were being realistic towards life.

“What is the linkage between love and appreciate & respect?“- there is no love where there is no appreciation and respect. There may be feelings that appear, or feel-like love (desire, a longing) without appreciation and respect, but these desires & longings are old unmet needs that creep into the present time.

– that’s why one shall pursue that is right to him ? – reflecting to old unmet needs that creep into the present time.

“Get married with missing pieces? Will that missing pieces reappeared or disappeared as I get older?“– most people enter adulthood with missing pieces from childhood, and all their lives they try to fill in those missing pieces, all in vain and at a great cost and a great loss. Missing pieces from childhood need to be accepted as a done-deal, and grieved.

– what is the method or the cost to achieve this : childhood need to be accepted as a done-deal, by filling in the missing piece ? It’s like I go to see a doctor when I got fever, the doctor tells me : you will be fine kid, everyone gets the fever. And without tell me to stay healthy, to take more fruit and exercise to boost my immune system.

cheers,