Dear thosedays:

I re-read all your posts and realized that my replies to you so far- although they may be applicable for someone else reading your thread- they are not applicable to you because you already decided to break up with her. Your struggle is not about staying-or-breaking up with her; it is rather about feeling guilty over starting the relationship to begin with, then maintaining it for 2 years… only to break up with her, and perhaps break her heart.

The title you chose for your thread: Falling out of love. In your original post, you wrote: “After years of trying (2 years relationship), I still can’t find she is my type. It was the same problem at the beginning“-  she was never your type, so you didn’t fall out of love; you didn’t fall in love with her to begin with.

I came to the realization that I can’t force myself to love a person no matter how perfect the person is.  I really hate myself…the guilt inside me is overwhelming… The amount of guilt is affecting my mental state“- you already came to the realization that you can’t force yourself to love her, so breaking up is the only solution. It’s the guilt that bothers you, so and you want to lessen it; better get rid of it, right?

Following the breakup of your 4-years love relationship, your “heartbreak was severe“, and you had “no one to talk to“, and so, heartbroken with no one to talk to,  you quickly entered a relationship with your current girlfriend, to “fill the void“. You knew you were making a mistake but you told yourself “to give it a try“.

“For those years of trying, I know the time has come“- the time has come to break up with her.

I suggest that first thing to do is to not use her anymore to fill your void. Sincerely apologize to her for having used her this way and offer to pay her to attend weekly quality psychotherapy for about 6 months, so that she can process what had happened. I’d say that a sincere, thorough apology and paying for her to attend therapy should alleviate your guilt. What do you think?

anita