Dear anita

her mistakes are okay with you because you like her.  You  know/ believe that it is possible to like her regardless of her mistakes. But your mistakes are not okay with you because you don’t like you. You believe that it is not possible to like you: “if she really genuinely want me, It’ll be very hard to believe for me. Like is it really possible for someone like me?”

Because you don’t like you, any one of your mistakes seems big and dangerous, as if the mistake will cause the girl to see ‘the truth’… which is that it is impossible to like you. By trying hard to make no mistakes, you are hoping that she will not find out ‘the truth’. No wonder you are so anxious… fearing that any moment, any day, she will find out and leave you.

= Yes you are absolutely correct…. I fear that she might leave me any moment, especially if i do some mistakes…. That’s why i try very hard to be as perfect as possible….

I also fear of losing her because it’s not easy to find a girl of my type… especially in a small city that i live in….

I even fear that she might get bored of this city because there isnt much place to go… and eventually work on another city which results in leaving me…. To overcome i listed about 80 spots that i can go out with her, i hope it wont ran out fast….

I hope more than you avoiding a future heartbreak. I hope that your present, long-term, every day heartbreak of disliking yourself can be fixed: life would be way less painful for you when you finally like yourself.

= does this mean i dislike myself? Isnt it more about insecurity?

Tbh i really want to confess my feelings to her…. do u think it’s too soon? We just get close for about 2 months….

But i still need to be ready if i wanna confess, i need to be brave in dealing with her family and she’ll need to accept my families, as well as all my weaknesses… Do u think if i keep postponing on confessing to her might give me a better chance? Or it changes nothing?

This thursday night, i’ll go out on a dinner with her again…. This is the 4th date, and again she’s really okay everytime i asked her out…. Maybe she didnt overthink as much as i do…..

Every time i texts her, i always check my phone every 5 minutes if she had replied me or not, but tbh this is exhausting….

Also i’m worried that when i go out on a date with her, i could suddenly meet one of my friends… i dont want to be talked about by them… especially when everything’s not official yet…. It could disrupt the relationship….

I mentioned your “present, long-term, every day heartbreak” in the 4th paragraph of this post. Disliking yourself and the anxiety involved in it, causes you heartbreak every single day. It is indeed a painful way to live. (So, the answer to your question is: no, a relationship does not have to be this painful).

it is not her fault that you feel hurt: she did not break your heart. It is your unfortunate belief that it is impossible to like you (and that any moment, any day, she will find this out) that is breaking your heart.

= Tbh few days ago i spend 3 nights outside my city for an event with my friends…. But tbh i dont enjoy the event, because i replied that girl’s texts late… and resulting in her replying late too….
Ever since i get close with this girl, i never found my city to be boring again… i even feel more comfortable in this city than going on a holiday with my friends (like that event)…. I felt like going home when i arrived on that city….

I used to dislike my city (you must’ve noticed this) because it’s small and has very little place to visit…. But since i know that girl, everything changed… i love everything about this city….

Also i just bought 2 tickets of a stand up comedy show which jokes about love (roasting about love stories) which is held on february 2023….

I buy just in case i wanna go to this event with that girl, but it’s still 3 months to go…. Idk if i’ve confessed to her or not before that event, im so confused….

Also it should be okay right? The theme of the show is about roasting love lives…. I hope she doesnt find negatives on that show which could results in her leaving me…..

I answered this exact answer 2-3 days earlier, see? But you don’t believe my answer. I am not surprised that you don’t. I think that if the girl you dated 3 times, if she told you that she likes you, you wouldn’t believe her either. Maybe for a short moment, you’d think: maybe she likes me..? But a moment later, you will be back to… it is impossible for someone to like me.

= it’s because she’s really my type…. In my mind she has surpassed my former crush that i keep crushing on for 5 years….. this is why it feels to good to be true….

At first im only interested in her, but the more i texts and meet her…. I really like her…. But suddenly it feels like i dont wanna lose her…. I dont even wanna share to anyone on social media (if possibly she became my girlfriend) because my acquaintance/friends might look at her, when at first they dont know her existence before i exposed her on social media and they could be attracted to her…. I wanna avoid this…

I wanna plan everything neatly and correctly to avoid mistakes….

The belief that it is impossible to like you is a deep, core belief that has existed in you unchanged for way longer than a decade, so it is very difficult to change it. You’ve made progress in your thinking and behaving and I congratulated you for it.

= yes i feel like i’ve made a lot of progress this year… like i see the world and everything in a different perspective than last year…. I just hope there will be more positives for me in the future….

Please check out the following: wikihow. com/ how to stop hating yourself. It is organized nicely into 3 parts, it is reader-friendly and it include photos.

= i’ll try checking it out…