Hi Anita,

I am aware that there can be personal biases in terms of talking Regards to the cute guy I only told one of the boys and the two girls that I like him prior to me telling them about his behaviour. The other people I just told them about the way he acted and that I thought it was a weird behaviour. They then said that it’s because he likes me and that he isn’t like that with other women. The boy said maybe he is just awkward around you because he can tell you like him and that he doesn’t like you that way. I thought that was a very valid point. But then why go from talking to me normally and then instantly getting nervous when he asked me to go to the bar with him. Only after I acepted he started looking at me and talking more normally. I wanted them to focus on his behaviour and not my feelings because if they just tell me what I wanted to hear and not what they think his behaviour actually means then I would get hurt. This is why i always push men away and second guess their every move. I never wanna believe that a guy i like likes me and then risk getting hurt that’s why if the cute guy had one day where we didn’t really talk i would think then he doesn’t like me. My colleagues( (whom I talked to on one on one basis didn’t know i liked him just that I thought his behaviour was weird) they started laughing at me for not picking up on him trying to get me to eat at a turkish restaurant, I thought he was trying to get rid of me. Him being awkward when the boys and girls were snifing me and wanted me to spray my parfume on his wrists, i said to them about the situation “you wanna smell like a girl for the rest of the party?” she went of course not! He wanted to smell like you! That he sounded mad/frustreted when he kept saying but who is gonna pour me a beer(before the friend housewarming) he knew who could pour him a beer it’s the same person that takes over from me in the café every Saturday and two girls in the bar could have don it. She went no! The who means you! That’s why he was frustreted with you for not picking up on it, and why he when he finally got to the party he ended up right next to me even though i was the person  that was hardest to get to. Two boys at work (on separate occasions) told me that the thought he seemed jealous when he saw us talking along and that he talked very loud to draw attention to himself. That was something that i didn’t notice. My mom asked me if something was going on between me and him based on his interaktions with them when he came over to introduce himself to them. I never told my mom about him.

I also didn’t want to read his general anxiety as interest in me. We both have days where we shut down socially due to lack of readources, that’s not something i take personally. But when he was talking to my other female colleagues he is fine and then turns around and gets nervous talking to me. Then he is acting different around me. Like didn’t react to his female friend (that he works reception with) but reacted and invited himself to my housewarming, him not reacting to his really good friend getting creepy comments from men but got mad when he heard about my experiences, the other boy who is friends with both of us didn’t react to any of the comments. I don’t think that someone likes someone based on what they are doing but the way they are doing it. My colleagues also tell me when they think I’m reading too much into something or if they think i am wrong.

The guy I was with earlier this year, did a lot of things that indicated that he like me. He wanted to go out and do stuff with me alone. He started offering me to try his food using his own fork (I wouldn’t do that with just everybody) but he was a perfect gentleman so I wasn’t sure it was more than that. Not until he kissed me that I finally was convinced that he really liked me. When I told my friends they said you really didn’t see it? It was kinda obvious. Even the guy that was on the spectrum knew he liked me.

Dating in this city seems harder due to the many nationalities. There is so many cultures that all act differently.

They thought my sister was faking it because they couldn’t find out what was wrong. And because they couldn’t find out what was physically wrong with her they thought i was mental and based on her age 11 y. They thought it was teenager kinda behaviour. She had two things wrong at the same time and that caused the doctors to be confused by her behaviour. My country is one of the wealthy one’s but our healthcare system has been under founded and understaffed for many years so doctors are insanly stressed which causes more mistakes.

I really wanted all of us to have terapy me and my sister did but not my parents. I also wanted them to have it, not just because of my sister and what they had to deal with(i was a child so i could just go to my room to take a break they couldn’t) but also because of their traumatic childhood.

Sorry for the long post. I talk alot because it relieves me of stress but I know people don’t really want to hear someone go over the same thing over and over again. If i talk to much let me know.