Hi Tee,

Our disscutions have been very helpful to me!

I have made notes about the possible false core believe, the patterns that I am still repeating along with the self sabotaging behaviour. Like saying no to have drinks with friends and even though they really tried to get me to join them, I walked away feeling rejected, like they only asked me because they were trying to be friendly but didn’t really mean it (my mind trying to tell me I’m unworthy).

As for the girls I think you are right in your assumptions. They don’t really seem to care. And I have noticed that I am a lot more relaxed when they are not at work. Even some what happy that one is currently out of the country cause it makes me feel less anxious. Not exactly something you should be saying about your friends. In the beginning I felt included but that doesn’t seem to be the case anymore, and it’s casing me a lot of stress because that was my primary group of people to hang with. Going out for a drink with my other collegues gave me a very good break and made me feel more mentally energized.

Yes, my body remembers how it felt and those feelings can come flooding and overwhelm you at any time. Like you mentioned in an earlier post doing exposure therapy without adressing the underlying cause (and establish a sense of safety) wasn’t very good therapy. And It got worse and worse. I didn’t have a place to feel safe or time to rest, because it happened at home, in school and my family, with nobody to turn to. I am gonna keep working on my trauma and taking it one step at a time, and keep focus on the progress I have made so far. In just one year I have learnt and grown more than 20 years of working on just anxiety.