You also wrote “Without some special achievement, which would finally prove your worth, you feel… not good enough and unworthy” – I don’t know if it would necessarily “prove [my] worth” (to whom?) rather than just make me something else (than my parents?) than boring, I don’t know, hard to put into words. Without “some special achievement” I feel lost in a crowd, nothing to talk about , forgetable, boring – I’m just writing down what comes to mind.

Anita, what you described makes absolut sense to me. Even as a child I did not understand, why people / grown-ups just had to do things which they obviously did not enjoy or rather want to do somethings else at the time. I kind of promised myself, I would never put myself into this kind of situations so when such a situation is at hand, where I actually have to do things because there is a deadline or it’s about health etc. I’m trying my best to postpone doing it. I’m finding myself grabbing my phone, binge watching, eating etc. which leads to a productivity (outside of work-life, where I’m very strict to myself and consider myself a hard worker) of about 20 %. Not where I want to be. So I’m open to any kind of ideas to change that behaviour aka my attitude.

Thank you both so much.

Julia