Hi Tee,

Sorry I don’t think I articulated it well. So X (X the girl working reception, Y the girl in the café) asked me two days before if I liked to go to a pub with them because they had free pints that day ( a week of celebrations in the city) I accepted and it felt good to be included. The next day the cute guy came to cover my break and they asked him so we are going to a pub with her and two boys tomorrow would you like to join? He accepted. I was glad but at the same time my anxiety got really high. The next day right before going we sat with him and talked a bit before going. I had taken the girls to my favorite breakfast place and the loved it, so X told the cute guy It’s really good! She will take you there! He looked at me and smiled, and I got nervous and started rambling about scrambled eggs. Days later I told them that I liked him and she said that she did notice that I seem rather shy that day. We went to the pub and us three girls sat down, the cute guy took the seat infront of me. We then went to another pub and X asked me for my Instagram, They both really like my picture and talked about my curly hair. They then went out for a cigarette cute guy joined them (not a smoker but a party smoker) he got thier Instagram (I found out later that day and I felt like an outsider because he didn’t get mine, so started distancing me a bit more to him) He looked at me and said it was nice we should do this again, later he said that he was supposed to be somewhere else but still stayed for more than an hour. He hugged us goodbye and left. Some days later I told them I liked him and that’s why I was awkward.

I never gave them much details about my interactions with him. I told them I liked him and then we talked about my anxiety, Y (the girl who works café/bar) said don’t worry we got your back. We never talked about any specific things they could do to help. The only other thing about my interactions I shared with them was the day at the pub (me and him alone) Y was away on holiday and she wrote me about him I told her about the pub and how he asked me to which she replied I’m so happy yes the signals are there. Few days later X texted me so Y just told me about you guys goin to a pub together that must have been nice. Thats what I shared with them. They did ask me to join them for drinks but now it was more about drinking until late, instead of a pub. I do way better with pubs then clubs. I get overwhelmed in a busy environment like that.

X asking a lot of questions made me very anxious  because I felt I had to perform. One of the reasons it’s so hard for me to talk to my crush is because i want to show my best self, but I just end up paralysed not knowing what to do or say.

The girl who I went to a pub talked it over and gave me pointers is another female collegue of mine. We went out just the two of us, she worked reception with him as well. I told her that he is a very arkward and nervous guy and she was went, what that guy no he isn’t! She mentioned the times were I had my chances to met him halfway but instead blew him off. Something she said I need to work on, which she is right, I have done this in other situations with other guys and I always end up regretting it after. It’s just so hard when I am anxious.

After that (two days before the staff party) I wrote and apologized for my behaviour and talked about my anxiety and it makes me rude. He wrote back and assured me that I had nothing to worry about and then started talking about the fact that he has a lot of anxiety and the same things happens to him so he knows how it feels like and I don’t need to feel sorry. He was really nice, I didn’t reply to his messages.

I was too fast to react to not being invited out for drinks that day (they have asked me to join for drinks after work but I have been so exhausted after work that I said no a couple of times. The cute guy wasn’t with them that day and neither was other collegues apart from one guy working the bar. That guy was the one that was my roomate, the one he came to the bar asking about me. The cute guy started asking him about me but my roommate only remembered he said bla bla Katrine bla bla Katrine to which he said yeah yeah and walked away. I wish I knew what he said. I know that he though that I still lived there but I didn’t. The day the guy told him that he thought that I was interested in him and he replied no I don’t think she is, he stayed with me in the Café for almost his entire shift. It’s normal for them to have more people working reception than they have computers for there, but then they go to the office and work from there. Cute guy always came to help me out in the café (as the only one who did that) but we just ended up talking about our interest and stuff. That day he asked me didn’t you use to go to the bar often when you still lived here I said no, he went really you didn’t go to the bar when you lived here I said no just the day you asked he smiled at that. The first time I went to the bar when he asked me was the first time that he went to the bar.

Yes I think you are right about my collegue. I felt very hurt by not being asked and that feeling just stayed for me for a long time. I really didn’t feel included but there have been occacions where they did ask me buty I kept saying no due to being tired from work, and when I did join them(I had to push myself to go) I went home after an hour or two. So I can’t really blame her for not asking me to join as much.