dear anita

i recently joined here and it was my first post , but im so happy finding someone to share my experience with , who can exactly feel and understand what im being though and i`m glad seemingly  i could understand you too .

my mom had some trauma in her past too , her brothers suicide , my grandma was separated from her mother due to the divorce which wasnt  common those days and was under control of her stepmother .she was married to my grandpa who was twice her age scaping the situation at home , i think my grandma had also problem with connecting people because the home was unfortunately not safe . she wasnt a mean person but very perfectionist and she also try to separate my mom from my uncles because she didnt trust them and felt that her son is using my mom  , which actually turned out to be true and our life got better in many ways when my mom cut ties with her brother . i maybe going out of our topic right now but my mom had the trauma of losing 2 brothers because of very different reasons . My traumas were my mom, her  death and dealing with my dad who wasn`t trust worthy .

to get to and stay in therapy, a person has to be able and willing to risk being wrong about something.yes it is really scary for him . i can forgive him and i hope he gets pushed to therapy by somethings , i know thats weird but thats only way i can imagine him seek treatment. 

my sister also was like mom , except she didnt have any of moms good qualities , you know i dont think my mom was bad in nature  but my sister definitely is . she is leaving in another country right now , she didnt even try to contact me after my dads death , and to be honest she is dead to me too , i dont hate her im just indifferent but once i loved her with all my heart , i loved her more than i loved my mom until i got older and saw her for who she was , im 13 years younger than her . i can say getting to know her as an adult didn`t help my trust issues at all .

 I couldn’t have said it better. This very sentence that I quoted here makes me feel that you understand what I went through more than any person ever did. i`m so glad to hear that . you are  also very understanding to what i said.

 they want power and. My mother wanted power over me because she felt too powerless otherwise.i unfortunately encounter a lot of power hungry people in my life , i dont know thats normal in the world we are living these days or bad luck maybe , beside my family, ive seen some very manipulating people who persistently tried to mislead me in some way , maybe for us who experienced manipulative parents is very common to take it personally but now its not personal and they do it to everyone but i believe i was sending some signals obviously unconsciously that im an easy target. the way talk about other people , small social circle and valuing others idea of me too much obviously made me more vulnerable in their eyes , a predator . i can tell you one example , i have an aunt (by marriage )in my father side , who seems to be very companionate , she was actually crying in front of me when my father was getting remarried and said to be that she cant see anyone in my moms place , and that was believable , my mom and her had a very good relationship , she was one of three people who were in moms side when she passed and she distracted me and told me to go find something because she knew it was the last moments of her life and i was too young to handle that . after my dad married i realized that my aunt actually tried to fix my dad with some lady who was in a very low level , i dont want to be mean and condescending but we were in different planet  culture wise , economical class , religion ... it was almost comic , how my aunt would think that was a good match for my dad . anyway she was lying to my face and actually crying about it !!! and the other time she tried to fix me with her nephew , who was not really sharp person , very slow ,not from a good family either ,i know it seems judgmental  but it was the same situation , we couldnt have a conversation with each other how they could think that was a good idea for me getting married to him . till recent years i realized she did these kind of  behavior on purpose . from encouraging me to basically abandon any good and meaningful thing in my life and have a plan they tried persistently to tell me im worthless because im not married and she was very upset that i didnt become a broken person after my moms death , well i did become that but i somehow put my self together , i do believe in god and he was the one to help me , but she is so angry of that. i cut ties with her after my dads funeral because of her behavior after it . she was almost happy and try to draw attention to herself instead of my fathers death . i couldn`t tolerate it anymore

im so sorry about your experience with so called friend , i feel like maybe you mom was jealous of you and she felt you having friend diminish her control over you , maybe you talk to them , and maybe that makes her look bad or you actually realized that she is not a good mother , sometimes we think their behavior is normal but only when you talk with others you realized youve been mistreated, my mom was also jealous of my friend

i know that was a very long reply , sorry for that have a good day