Reposted:

Dear Farnaz:

“I wonder, does your sister have a relationship with you mom now?“- yes, my sister lives close to my mother and I imagine that she has a relationship with her mother. I haven’t asked her about it (not since May of 2013), nor did she share, and I would like to keep it this way.

“do you feel free, or constantly reliving the situation?“- can you tell me, in detail, what you mean by “constantly reliving the situation”, and who in your life (sister, someone else as well?) did you witness doing that?

“I was always an anxious child, looked always worried about something. After my mom’s death, at 58, when I was 19, I was always worried about my dad. When I lost him exactly 19 years after, I can say, I don’t have any major worries in my life… I know it’s awful, but it’s liberating… I can live for myself“- it’s not awful to be liberated, if I may say so. It’s wonderful!

“I hope you feel free now. I know you are far from her…  How (do you) feel about your life and your feeling right now? Tell me if you wish“- freedom was not easy for me to experience: after no longer having my mother in my life, I kept projecting her into other people. When a person looked at me in a particular way, in my mind’s eye, I saw my mother looking at me critically and I experienced the same anxiety, shame, guilt and discomfort in my own skin that I felt before. I had to not only peel off my mother from my life, but I had to peel off her legacy as well.

Our childhood years are called our Formative Years because our brain is literally being formed when we are children, and the most powerful person in our lives, our primary caretaker (usually the mother), is formed into our brains. My emotional freedom is still a process: I am freer today than I was yesterday, I will be freer tomorrow than I am today, for as long as I am committed to this process.

anita