Dear Farnaz:

I am not as self conscious as I was in high school. Also, I used to daydream about that particular guy (his name was Robert, an intellectual looking- and sounding guy, thick glasses, didn’t have any facial hair throughout high school). I day dreamed lots of love stories but that stopped sometime in my early 20s, I think. Everything was easy when daydreaming: no courage required to do anything.. everything proceeded like I wished it to proceed.. the easy and pleasurable way to enjoy a love story.

“I was too cold and prideful to show it“- this reminds me of our talk about inferiority vs superiority, the two being two sides of the same coin. I felt superior to guys who showed interest in me, but painfully inferior overall.

“NONE of them were a good match for me… they weren’t good people, they weren’t a good match for most women, but I chose them, I mean, they were very similar: selfish , distant and arrogant and most of them wanted me to do all the work, like my mom?!“- when you say that most wanted you to do all the work, what do you mean by it, specifically?

I read your question for me, but maybe I will answer it tomorrow morning. I am getting tired now and sharing about some of my personal experience in regard to this topic is uncomfortable for me. I’ll see how I feel tomorrow!

anita