Hey Anita

Sorry for my late reply, it has been a very busy day this side and a day of reflection. I would agree for my partner being content is ok. We are from very different backgrounds. I was thinking today about bordem and went into some research. When it comes to my views on romance, I actually never liked romantic movies because for me it just don’t exist(even tho a part of me is inlove with that idea)Relationships are work and servers as a mirror, growth and support. Hence those dreams and feelings that came after that dude was so intense. And not that I thought it would be like a romantic novel lol but more the missing pieces of my own struggles would be mirrored by him. So maybe I craved a different reflection of sorts, a different experiences.  My current relationship started when I was 18 and my partner is 8 years older than me, but I didn’t have a “normal” young teen experience and was already working and at bars by 16😄. But our relationship had substances issues nothing hard-core but a big part of our fun times was on weed and alchole. And when I became pregnant that all changed and I quite everything.  And that was the first time I actually dealt with my emotions in a very long time. My son is a teacher in so many way for me..  But  when I became sober, I wasn’t the same person anymore. I realized my toxic habit of people pleasing and how I have over write who I was to fit the mold for others and my partner. The relationship had a codependent nature to it. But we have become aware of it and have been working on it for sometime now. Things I guess I would say was issues and still does play a role is that his family never really liked me because of my lack of conformity and being into things which they would see as “bad”(esoteric  beliefs, they are religious). They tolerate me but i keep a big part of who i am hidden.His friends also had issues with me. So felt i always needed to stand my ground and that I just wasn’t good enought even tho I really tried to fit in. Me not fitting in wasnt because of a lack of empathy but just being different. But realized how this relationship and everything that came with it was me recreating my childhood where I felt misunderstood.  I mean esoteric alternative woman living in a small religious town is like just a bad match lol. My partner loves me for me and has mentioned this is the deepest relationship he has had with anyone. But because of me being who I am, it has caused him to abandon his friends to be with me. And I feel that holds him back and that holds me back. I’m  a one on one type of person, he does better in groups but again because of the lack of compatibility even tho there is love and commitment it still has caused issues. I hope this gives you more insight 🙏  and thanks again for your time and energy.  It already has helped me go deeper.  Sorry if there is any spell mistakes. I’m on my phone and it’s soo late. Have a good day.

D