Dear Farnaz:

Thank you for being as gentle as you are in regard to talking about this topic, I appreciate it very much. Let’s then talk about what we feel comfortable talking about and to the extent we feel comfortable.

“I feel I never think of myself as equal to others“- in regard to feeling superior to men you were involved with, I wonder if it’s similar, in any way, to my case: my mother sent me the loud and clear message that I was Inferior (her words “a big zero” come to mind), but she also repeatedly told me (in a day-dreaming kind of way) that I will meet a prince charming who will marry me and make all (her) dreams come true. In my child-mind, I was supposed to meet and marry a handsome, rich man who will fulfill my mother’s dreams. The men I came across as an older teenager and young adult were not even close to (and therefore Inferior) to what they were supposed to be (according to my mother).

“By doing all the work, I meant make the relationship happen, doing all the steps, without actually trying to impress me or showing they’re worth (trying to keep) them in my life“- I wonder what kinds of work you practically did (ex., initiating dates?), and if you did that work with a cold-and-distant attitude (“I (was) considered cold and distant.. in relation to romantic partners“, Nov 23), an attitude to which the men did not positively react/ weren’t encouraged by…?

anita