Dear Katrine,

I am so glad that this year has been one of the best years of your life, because as you say, you’ve had some major successes, in spite of the struggle and challenges. But you’ve really made great progress, and so yes, you should be happy about it, and also proud of yourself!

It’s also great that you’re realizing how supportive your colleagues are (specially X and Y), and that they are in fact safe people – people who accept you as you are, don’t judge you and wish the best for you. So I hope that you’ll be able to relax even more in their company. The goal would be to become so relaxed around them to actually invite yourself to the New Year’s party (!!) instead of waiting for them to invite you. To say something like “hey girls, I decided I’d like to celebrate this New Year’s Eve properly – is there still space at your party? I’d love to join after my shift is over.” I am sure they wouldn’t have anything against it, in fact they would be thrilled.

I know that you said it would be pathetic if you invited yourself, but it’s not pathetic at all. It’s called self-confidence. You’ve already established that you are liked by many people, and by X and Y particularly. So you could just approach them with that attitude of openness, of cheerfulness, of self-acceptance… and I am sure they will welcome you with open arms!

I’m gonna start to watch Dr Nicole Lepera’s videos tonight. Being in the overwhelming state of fight/flight is by far the harddest for me to deal with. Like the time in the bar where a girl was flirting with him, that one was so strong it took me a week to return to my baseline. A process a want to speed up so for one I don’t do anything that I might regret and also because it’s extremely hard on your mind a body to be in.

I hear you when you say it’s hard to not slip into the fight-or-flight mode, once you are in a challenging situation. I do hope Dr. Lepera’s videos will help. Anita mentioned DBT and mindfulness, which are great methods for emotion regulation. The key is to breathe deeply, from your belly, and remain in your observer mind (observing your racing thoughts and feelings, knowing that those thoughts are trauma-driven thoughts and not true. So you just observe them but don’t believe them. You mentally separate yourself from them.)

I’ve also come across a very informative youtube channel, called Lewis Psychology. There is a video called “DBT skills: Wise Mind, Emotion Mind and Reasonable Mind.” I liked the idea of the wise mind a lot. We want to stay as much as possible in the wise mind, so perhaps having a mantra such as “I am anchored in my wise mind” would even help in the situations you’re triggered. I don’t know, haven’t tried it myself yet, but it just occurred to me that having a mantra that goes together with deep breathing might be a good idea in those situations.

It’s really good to hear that you’re more willing to go out and hang out with people, and even challenge yourself in situations which earlier would have been uncomfortable. That’s great – you’re building your “socializing muscle”, if there is such a word. Probably not, but you know what I meant to say 🙂

The only thing I am a bit wary of is the fact that your new flatmates will be a couple. I’d feel a little strange in such a constellation, but then again, I’ve never had a flatmate 🙂 I do hope it works out for you!