Dear Farnaz:

“Did you really think I’m gonna judge you for what your mom said?“- I thought that maybe you will judge me for submitting a post that included a reference to sexually vulgarity. I thought that maybe you’ll stop posting because it (the reference)  would be too much for you.

“I admit I judged people based on that in the past, but… there is no way I’m gonna judge you because of it and I appreciate your bravery to share it here, I know it’s very scary to be vulnerable when we were raised with that kind of parents we had“- thank you! I want to reciprocate and not judge you if and whenever you share something that’s particularly difficult for you to share.

“my dad , he was also there to ruin every momentum I got and made it about himself“- I am sure that his relationship with you was all about himself just from what you already shared.

“he showed very overtly favoritism toward me in front of my siblings, sometimes I feel like he did it because he knew his behavior made the relationship between me and them even worse… He also told me.. I should help my siblings to keep their s*** together“- reads to me that he thought that if he expressed favoritism toward you, giving you this “gift” of favor, you will owe him a gift- or a favor- in return: paying attention to him exclusively (no 0ther man in your life), and competing with his wife for his affection (an ego boost for him).

“and he discarded me in front of his wife because apparently she could make his life miserable“- seems like his thinking and behavior were ruled by convenience alone (whatever is easier): he favored you over your siblings because he wanted something from you and he didn’t fear them. His wife punished him for favoring you, so he feared her, and did what he thought he should do to please her (“delivering shame to me , that I’m not good enough and I’m disposable“).

“It’s like I wasn’t supposed to have a life of my own…?“- not if you having a life of your own inconvenienced him.

“my mom in others eyes were humble, shy and very very kind , the irony?“- just like my mother  Same irony.

anita