Hello Teddy

How are doing? I hope you’re feeling better now.

I am not sure if it helps. But I’ve a got a few tips for you that might probably work for you:

1) So instead of thinking about how you have been “struggling with depression and anxiety” and expecting that it would go on like that “forever” (i.e. there is an expectation that it will continue to happen), how about we change our thought patterns? It means that we are not resisting the fact that it has happened. And we’re not trying to deal with the fact that whether it has happened or not. We also do not need to decide whether we’re actually feeling depressed or anxious at the moment. Just let it be.

2) I tend to worry about what happens tomorrow as well. Like “if there is a party tomorrow, then it is going to be a bad experience for me”, blah blah blah.

The thing is, if you don’t want to go to the party, then don’t go! If you have to go there, and you want to play with a dog/cat, oh, who cares? The people around you actually “care” less about you than you think. Just do what you want, and feel good about yourself.

3) This is about parties (and social situations in general): I think I’m pretty s*** as well. I do not have confidence in myself (despite what others tell me, which is, I appear to be confident, except for situations when I have to speak in front of an audience, etc. and I actually “look” a little bit nervous). So I tend to think that I am not good at social situations. I do not like it when I go to gatherings with people who I don’t like.

Well there are a few issues here: a) Is it only because you do not like parties in general, or is because of the people that are going there with you? b) It kind of “makes sense” that you are not a sociable person. But sometimes it is not what you think. In my case, I can be quite a “bubbly” person, at least this is what they think. c) If, after all, you still do not like going there, that’s fine. It is not stupid. We all have different preferences. Do whatever that suits you. That is not something “bad” for you. It is just what it is.

4) (The last one for now) I have started to get over this thing where I am “dealing with” something. Sometimes I still do the same thing (and repeat the same mistake). I try to think about the same thing over and over again. I am afraid that the same thing is going to happen tomorrow. Oh no, it is bad. The more I think about it, it only gets worse. It sometimes helps to talk about it though. It is through talking about it that I actually feel better about myself. I feel that I have released my burden. That being said, (I sometimes answer my own questions as well, I know), I know that I shouldn’t be “dealing with” things by myself.

a) First of all, there will be people around you who are actually the ones who should be dealing with the issues concerned. For example, it is their own problems, it has nothing to do with you. So that frees you up with more space to focus on the matters at hand.

b) The more you try to deal with things, the harder it gets. I am still learning how to get better at this. But my rule is that if I have tried at least 2-3 times, and I’ve talked about it to someone for a few times, still there is no real solution to the problem. Then it is about time that I leave it! Either it is not a problem in itself, or it is a problem, however, no one cares enough about it or there might (or might not be) a solution that doesn’t seem to matter in this case and only time will tell. So forget about it.

c) The more you resist it, the more you will find that the problem is actually quite “sticky” and it doesn’t go away. So instead of dealing with s***, just let it be. If it is not meant for you, well, bad luck. If it is something that is meant for you, I would say, usually, you would still need to make an effort to try to solve the problems. But not so hard that it would actually bother you so much that you’re going back into the cycle of depression/anxiety, which means something is wrong. Either the situation is bad for you, so you should get yourself out of the situation, or the way that you have been treating yourself has been unkind, so you will need to change your attitude.

Not sure if it has helped you at all.. But these are some of the kind reminders for myself as well. Hope it helps..