Menu

I could use some advice

HomeForumsTough TimesI could use some advice

New Reply
Viewing 5 posts - 1 through 5 (of 5 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • #410626
    Teddy
    Participant

    Greetings everyone,
    This is my first time seeking out some advice. I have been struggling for years with anxiety and depression, it has made it difficult for me to make friends among several other things. I used to get bullied quite frequently when I was younger and that really had a negative effect on me. I would like to figure out how to socialize like a normal person, ive tried going to events/parties but it usually end up  sitting alone playing with whatever dog/cat/animal I see. I feel like im afraid to talk to people for fear of being bullied again. Its kinda transitioned into work problems ( i feel like my coworkers/managers all dislike me even though ive probably never talked to them. Its made it hard to hold a job because I tend to overthink the smallest details and end up quitting for what the normal person might consider stupid reasons. Im not looking for a magic cure just maybe a bit of insight on better ways to handle these issues.
    Thanks

    #410632
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Teddy: I will read and reply in about 14 hours from now.

    anita

    #410665
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Teddy:

    I wish you never got bullied and I am sorry that you were. Because you were frequently bullied when you were younger and because you’ve suffered years of anxiety and depression in your personal life and in your work life, professional help reads like the way to go: it takes time and guided work to gradually undo years-long anxiety and depression.

    I’ve tried going to events/parties but it usually end up  sitting alone playing with whatever dog/cat/animal I see. I feel like I’m afraid to talk to people for fear of being bullied again“- you are not afraid of pets because they won’t bully you and you don’t interpret what they say and do as bullying. For you to comfortably interact with any particular person, it requires that you trust your ability to (1) evaluate a person correctly (2) respond wisely if and when bullied. While building such trust, you’ll need to plan a strategy in regard to interacting with strangers, let’s say in the setting of a party: you do X, wait for a response, then do Y or Z, depending on the response you get, etc.

    I would like to figure out how to socialize like a normal person…I feel like my coworkers/managers all dislike me…  It’s made it hard to hold a job because I tend to overthink the smallest details and end up quitting for what the normal person might consider stupid reasons“- you referred to yourself, or suggested that you are not normal twice in your short original post, and once, you mentioned the word stupid in regard to your behavior. That’s a bit of self-bullying, isn’t it?

    anita

     

    #410729
    Amy
    Participant

    Hello Teddy,

    Before I begin, may I extend to you my deepest apologies for what you have gone through..

    I personally can relate to what you are feeling.   I have learning disabilities and a mild issue with my fine motor skills and have dealt with discrimination and rejection for most of my life.  I was bullied in school especially junior high.

    To make a very long story short, to say that my self esteem was shot would be an understatement.   It took me quite a long time to recover but I got there.

    I totally agree with Anita’s advice but may I add some of my own:

    When you encounter someone who you would like to meet, smile.   I’m talking about a genuine one.    Not a half hearted one.  Not a sad one but a happy one.   Make both corners of your mouth turned up.    Look the individual in the eyes and say “Hello”.

    How they choose to respond is not anything for you to worry about.   It will be totally on them.

    Finally I would like to share this piece of advice that my father once gave me:

    Remember you are second class.  The ones who treat you like you are..

    They are the ones who are second class.

    #410749
    Roberta
    Participant

    Dear Teddy

    I am sorry that the bullying that you experienced when you were younger probably led to your depression/anxiety.

    Have you thought about volunteering in an area that your are interested in, that way you would be surrounding yourself with people you already have something in common with and that will feel a lot less pressurized than parties.

Viewing 5 posts - 1 through 5 (of 5 total)

You must be logged in to reply to this topic. Please log in OR register.