Dear Clara

I hope you have a good trip.  Along with the causes that Helcat stated at the moment fear drives my anger ie If dad has a fall I cannot lift him by myself so when dad’s unco -operativeness puts us both in danger of this I have to slow down and realign into my parasympathetic system.  The problem is that if anger is not counteracted it becomes more frequent and stronger. Gratitude Love patience & compassion are the antidotes.   Working with Anger by Thubten Chodren is well worth a read plus I am  currently reading a book called Prescence.

Best wishes Roberta

Dear Chau

If you do not honor the no contact agreement, what message do you think that is sending out? ie needy, untrustworthy.

Use this time to nurture your good qualities and allow the other stuff to arise and pass away as  is the nature of thoughts & emotions without acting on them. Journaling is fine as long as it does not feed your pity party. Eckhart Tolle’s talk on the pain body is well worth a look.

Kind regards

Roberta

Dear Franco.

The big thing that you should take from the encounter is that she looked into your eyes.

This means that she has no hang ups about meeting someones gaze.

Dear Chau

I am sorry that you were unable to get the support you wanted to cope with the distress that your mothers dementia blip gave you.   Just the other day a friend of my late mum asked me how she was & I said we lost her a while ago. Then  she shook her self and said ” I have dementia”. I spoke about the little funeral we had & told her I would hold the memory for both of us & that she could never upset me. She smiled & we hugged.  My dad would just tap his head and say his brain was not working. Over the years we have had a couple of these poignant moments. Have you been to any talks about the different aspects and stages of dementia? My dad is on 35mils of coconut oil in his breakfast & there was / is a marked improvement in his mobility & cognitive skills. My friend tried a bit with his mother but she has diabetes & it played havoc with her blood sugars.

Kind regards

Roberta

Dear Mr A

Unfortunately you appear to adhere to a society which promotes excessive wealth and intellect over kindness & compassion and  women are  often regarded as 2nd class citizens especially if they fail to produce a male heir.

Learning about Loving Kindness Meditations & practicing them alongside gratitude meditations may help raise your emotional IQ. Also I get a Daily Good by email each day I find it interesting & stimulating you could try reading this with your wife each evening, it may give you something to talk about on a level playing field.

Kind regards

Roberta

Dear Mr A

Oh dear oh dear what a pickle. As a woman who tried for many years to conceive again after having two healthy boys. I remember how each month that I did not get pregnant I felt a failure and less of a woman.   If your mindset is mainly to make love to your wife, because you want a child, she is probably going to feel  like an unloved brood mare instead of a beloved wife.

I suggest you take the pressure off your wife and stop trying to conceive and spend the next year taking time to nurture your wife’s self esteem after the battering you have given it for the last 3 years.  Get playful, make time for each other, dance, find out what’s her joy. You may just have to accept that you will remain childless.

Roberta

Dear Flow28

I am sorry that your first intimate encounter turned out not to be in a fully committed relationship.

Does the country you both live in and or his religion prohibit gay relationships?

Nobody likes being given ultimatums especially so early on in a relationships.  Yes you can voice your fears regarding alcohol and the possible promiscuous behavior. My son and his friends had a similar tradition for many years, yes there was some drinking, these trips petered out once they had dispersed to different locations, now my son is happily married and with children, but he still gets to visit his best friend for a week end each year with his wife’s blessing and she too is able to have girlie downtime.

It is strange that he did not think that the relationship was not deep enough to commit to official bf/gf status either before or after sexual activity.  He may be the type of personality that likes the chase, but is not really interested in the act of conquest itself.

Please do not become bitter or untrusting because of this short lived encounter.  Value & love yourself so that when the right seeds for a relationship are sow it will be a happy & supportive.