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Roberta

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Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 269 total)
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  • #432453
    Roberta
    Participant

    Dear Rob

    It appears from what you have been saying is that when you were in Warsaw you had a strong bout of nostalgia about Alicante. You then acted on that feeling and went back. But of course you have changed and the things that you enjoyed as a younger singleton do not now hold the same attraction. Now there is a strong pull to be back in Warsaw with your girlfriend. There is nothing wrong in admitting that the dream of Alicante and the reality of it did not match up.

    Hopefully in future when the grass is greener thoughts arise you will be able to evaluate them, then again you may just be nomadic and have wanderlust all your life.

    Kind regards

     

    #432328
    Roberta
    Participant

    Dear Nate

    I am sorry that you are struggling to find love and that your ego is tormenting you with thoughts that are extremely unhelpful.  We humans are for the most part social animals and seek to feel connected in some way. Unfortunately our modern lives do little to facilitate this. Adverts tell us that we are not enough unless we have the newest & best product going, often  the human models they use make us feel even more inadequate. Often when we are grasping after a particular thing, we actually exude an air of desperateness which actually puts off the thing we so much long for.

    My practical advice would be to make a decision that for the rest of this year that you choose to be celibate and use your time to be of service to your community, that way you will make worthwhile friendships and seek to learn about inner contentment.  This in the long run will make you  a better partner & father.

    I wish you best on your lifes journey

    #432178
    Roberta
    Participant

    Dear Sarah

    I am sorry that your mother is ill.

    What ever the prognosis is, what is important is to let your mum know that she is loved and that you appreciate all that she has done for you. If you do not have any easy relationship with your mother, now is the time to work on forgiveness/ acceptance look for & hold onto any good memories or qualities.  My mother was a strong personality and we had interesting encounters but in the last year of her life I had to see & remind myself that my mother had become frail, fearful & some times in pain,  then an up welling of love & compassion would arise within me & I could temporary put aside the baggage of our past.

    kind regards

    Roberta

    #432045
    Roberta
    Participant

    Dear Sea turtle

    That boredom comes in for the last few hours of the day. Maybe you could see that what your feeling is part of the natural process of winding down to sleep. If we are overstimulated right up to and often when in bed, then sleep can be illusive and of poor quality. A evening yoga routine, a warm bath and a spiritually up lifting book.

    As for your messy artwork project is possible to cover it up with a cardboard box or the like, so that it is less intrusive and easier on the eye of your housemate.

    Hope your birthday weekend party goes well

    #432044
    Roberta
    Participant

    Dear Dave

    Just a quick heads up you may need to speak to an accountant about the tax implications re selling both properties. ie the smaller property is now your principal address so maybe for you no capital gains tax on that property, but your wife may have to pay tax on her half and then vice versa for the larger family house. Therefore your tax burden could possibly be greater.

    As for your new romance, since i guess you have been upfront & both the lady you are seeing and your ex know about each other.  Enjoy .

    #431760
    Roberta
    Participant

    Dear Sea Turtle

    What kind of things do you want to do when you are in Palm Springs? If it is things like hiking swimming yoga etc you could say to P that you want it to be a retreat with lots of silence and meditations and if that’s not her kind of thing you two could go out and something together on your return to celebrate your birthday.  This way you have established boundaries for her behavior if she chooses to go with you Palm Springs.  If you feel that your friendship has truly run its course then dis-inviting her is an option though i have a feeling it will leave a nasty taste in both your mouths.

    Best wishes

    Roberta

    #431685
    Roberta
    Participant

    Dear Maria

    There is an underlying conflict I am experiencing… to be of service without putting restraints on me in terms of presence or time… for better work life balance… 

    A couple of options come to mind you could choose to work part/three quarter/flexi time at your current job if that is financially viable and spend your extra free time volunteering in a sector that appeals to you or you could possibly do agency work, that way you get to see a variety of establishments and can suss out which ones are good to work for and that way when a permanent vacancy occurs in your favourite company you could apply. Some companies actively promote their staff doing a certain amount of voluntary work during office hours.

    Roberta

    #431526
    Roberta
    Participant

    Dear IMBACK

    The most important person to be bestfriend to is yourself. Eating healthily, being out in nature, doing things that bring you joy or pique your curiosity. Reconnecting with your friends learning to get in touch and rest within your inner wisdom.

    It is possible to be friends with an ex, but only once the chemical  emotional romantic connection has ceased to arise frequently & intensely.

     

    #431522
    Roberta
    Participant

    Dear Kshiti1502

    I am reading a book by Richard Moss called Inside-Out Healing which I have found to be outstandingly helpful with understanding the stories we tell ourselves & the feelings they evoke.

    Best wishes

    Roberta

     

    #431521
    Roberta
    Participant

    Dear Villagetunic.

    No one can control what others think about us. That said the inner critic/ego often masquerades/ mimics these people.

    If you have done your best in any situation then you have done your best end of.

    This quote has been my touchstone of late

    “Any action done out of pure intent to bring joy or relieve suffering is never lost, even if the immediate outcome is not what we want and even if it is the opposite.

    The book I am reading is Inside-Out Healing by Dr Richard Moss this has helped with my perception of the stories I tell myself.

    Robeta

     

     

     

    #431520
    Roberta
    Participant

    Dear Paradoxy

    To answer the question that your thread possited……

    If you  two were in the habit of mini breakups & arguments & then kiss & make up then there maybe a  presumption that you were still in an ongoing relationship with B therefore it was cheating.  If you thought that this was the final breakup then from your point of view, therefore not cheating.

    #431464
    Roberta
    Participant

    Dear Antakarla

    It is quite a common thing to misname someone, I guess I have to ask you, the names you used, are they people actually n your life. I have 3 friends called Stuart, Sandy & Struan and I am often interchanging their names or doing a combo of the names.  When my children were young I had my 2 nephews also living with me and I had to call all four into the room and then point at the one I wanted to give an instruction/ information to/from. I still get my sons name mixed up 30+ years on. I think it may be a genetic thing as my grandmother did it to me and her grandaughter whose name began and ended with the same as mine.

    If one feels loved & secure in a relationship it should not be a problem, but if there are other issues this verbal hiccup can add to the feelings of rejection.

     

     

    #430672
    Roberta
    Participant

    Dear Sunny

    I suggest that you preferably together watch Gabor Mate’s talk on Non Violent Communication. Also write your wish list on a whiteboard that way you can add new ideas as they arise, that way your partner can see it and maybe he could have his own wish list you both might be surprised that there are things that you both want ie kayaking.

    I have this pinned up on my door  “Any action done out of pure intent to bring joy or to relieve suffering is never lost even if the immediate outcome is not what we want, and even if it is the opposite” which sort of sums up your situation.

    Roberta

    #430664
    Roberta
    Participant

    Dear Cosmo

    I hope you don’t mind me asking a couple of questions.

    How were you feeling about your relationship just before you cheated? ie bored, frustrated, afraid of commitment etc

    Was alcohol involved?

    Were they 1 nightstands or something a bit more?

    I suggest you look into the difference between remorse & guilt.  You could also make a commitment to yourself to be celibate for say 6 months to give you time to investigate & reflect on what kind of relationship truly reflects your core values beliefs.

    Roberta

    #430661
    Roberta
    Participant

    Dear Beni

     Maybe there’s someone who’s afraid to skate in the park and I notice it. I go to the person and I talk with her about it and let her know he/she’s welcome.

    Well done you for a) being perceptive about another human being that you do not know & b)  the willingness to approach & offer help.  Imagine if all humans acted in that way what a kind & peaceful world we would live in.

    Roberta

     

     

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 269 total)