Dear Sea Turtle

What kind of things do you want to do when you are in Palm Springs? If it is things like hiking swimming yoga etc you could say to P that you want it to be a retreat with lots of silence and meditations and if that’s not her kind of thing you two could go out and something together on your return to celebrate your birthday.  This way you have established boundaries for her behavior if she chooses to go with you Palm Springs.  If you feel that your friendship has truly run its course then dis-inviting her is an option though i have a feeling it will leave a nasty taste in both your mouths.

Best wishes

Roberta

Dear IMBACK

The most important person to be bestfriend to is yourself. Eating healthily, being out in nature, doing things that bring you joy or pique your curiosity. Reconnecting with your friends learning to get in touch and rest within your inner wisdom.

It is possible to be friends with an ex, but only once the chemical  emotional romantic connection has ceased to arise frequently & intensely.

Dear Villagetunic.

No one can control what others think about us. That said the inner critic/ego often masquerades/ mimics these people.

If you have done your best in any situation then you have done your best end of.

This quote has been my touchstone of late

“Any action done out of pure intent to bring joy or relieve suffering is never lost, even if the immediate outcome is not what we want and even if it is the opposite.

The book I am reading is Inside-Out Healing by Dr Richard Moss this has helped with my perception of the stories I tell myself.

Robeta

Dear Antakarla

It is quite a common thing to misname someone, I guess I have to ask you, the names you used, are they people actually n your life. I have 3 friends called Stuart, Sandy & Struan and I am often interchanging their names or doing a combo of the names.  When my children were young I had my 2 nephews also living with me and I had to call all four into the room and then point at the one I wanted to give an instruction/ information to/from. I still get my sons name mixed up 30+ years on. I think it may be a genetic thing as my grandmother did it to me and her grandaughter whose name began and ended with the same as mine.

If one feels loved & secure in a relationship it should not be a problem, but if there are other issues this verbal hiccup can add to the feelings of rejection.

Dear Cosmo

I hope you don’t mind me asking a couple of questions.

How were you feeling about your relationship just before you cheated? ie bored, frustrated, afraid of commitment etc

Was alcohol involved?

Were they 1 nightstands or something a bit more?

I suggest you look into the difference between remorse & guilt.  You could also make a commitment to yourself to be celibate for say 6 months to give you time to investigate & reflect on what kind of relationship truly reflects your core values beliefs.

Roberta

Dear ManagoFandango

I am sorry that you are suffering from workplace harassment. Anita has already come up with some excellent suggestions.

I only have one other. Does your workplace or your style of job have a union? if so you could join it and then when you have compiled your dossier on bullying your union rep could be there when you present it .

Roberta

Hi Paradoxy

I guess when someone demands something it makes it harder to say no in the moment.  I remember I saw a friend in the street loading her car up with empty wine bottles to take to the recycling and she said “don’t tell anyone” – shes an alcoholic. My reply was I don’t do secrets as that just adds a level of fear to the problem.

Yes B has had a very different upbringing, where ethical standards were definitely not the norm. I do not know if she can or will  make the decision to permanently change the way she is living her life.

I hope that you find an uncomplicated person to share your life with.

Hi Tania

Quite a lot of people do not know what to say or how to comfort anyone who is grieving and therefore keep their distance from that person.  Also the main person in your life (husband) has reservations about this friendship. So you would have a double whammy.

I am guessing that Dona is missing you and is hurting from losing not only her husband but her childhood best friend, hence the defensive attack on you in cyberspace.

Does Dona have children, if not she may not appreciate the time & effort it takes to look after  a young child?  also she was like a sister to you and then may long for a role as surrogate aunty.  We all are complex creatures  who need love & understanding.