Dear Evfran

Looking at it from a different angle. You are doing a brilliant job of looking after your uncle and you know that once he breathes his last breath then control is handed over to a relative stranger, at least you know this in advance rather than it being slammed into you at one of your most vulnerable moments. Death & its aftermath often brings out the worst in people & families often get hurt & squabble for years over the most trivial of things as well as the big stuff.

Are you in touch with his son?  does his son know that his father does not have long to live?

What is your uncles belief system & how do they view the death process?

A visitor has just arrived so I will sign off

regards Roberta

I pray that you & your uncle have a peaceful time together and that his passing will also be peaceful.

Dear Danny

Not only to remind us of our own mortality, but also others. Most of us has lost touch with an old friend & thought about reaching out, but left it too late (this has happened to me in the last few days). The first & last things I say to my aged father each & everyday is “I love you”. The old saying of “never put off what you can do today until tomorrow” or “Don’t go to bed on an argument”.

Dear Rising Flower

making unreasonable requests like asking for kids whne I was not ready nor the circumstances areabsolitely not suitable, trying to control me whol to speak and what to speak, stopping me from doing my hobbies so I could love him.more or avoid making new friends). These are all red flags and signs of abusive & coercive behaviour.

Please try to spend more time with supportive family & friends building fun & strong relationship with them to help fill the void that you are currently in. Nature animals hobbies & volunteering are healthy pursuits, yes it may take some  considerable time to detox from L, but it will be worth it . I hope you meet someone who will allow you to flourish and that you are emotionally & physically attracted to so that L becomes a distant memory which is more in line with your statement  I’m emotionally strong and independent .

Dear Rising Flower

Just because we love someone it does not mean that they are a good match & will enhance our happiness & that we should be with them.   In what ways do you love him? Is there trust, respect, compassion & support in this particular relationship?

Please reread the thread you have submitted as if it was someone else writing their story, what conclusions do you come to?

Roberta

Dear Jana

Karma is impersonal not judgmental punishment/reward, we humans just take it personally! I guess if we have a large storehouse of compassion we would be able to tap into it even if we were currently in the animal realm. There are many stories in the modern era of animals acting altruistically towards another animal of a different species or family. Being born an animal means that one could not study or get much chance to put the dharma into practice which is seen as a disadvantage.  Once when I was on retreat & a bumble bee came into my shrine room and it prostrated 3 times in front of the buddha spooky or what! At the start of my 3 month retreat a stray cat turned up and spent many hours with me each day in the shrine room. He became our temple cat for many years & then he moved in with a neighbour for a few years & then moved on to another neighbour. Then one afternoon many years later he walked back into the shrine room at meditation time and he spent a few minutes with each person in the room making a noise which was different to his usual chitchat. He refused the food & then wandered off. A couple of days later the neighbour with whom he was currently residing told me he had passed away. He also visited the other neighbour & acted them same with her. So hopefully both of these creatures had a good rebirth. Both these creatures actions are an inspiration to me that no mater where I am or what is going on I can do my practice and be compassionate.

with peace

Hi Jana

I read the article you suggested, I do have  a similar bedtime routine and if I am not ejected out of bed prematurely I do like to start my day in a contemplative mood, so will try to remember to do little sessions thru the day.

Isn’t their a Jakarta tale about the buddha in  one of his previous lives sacrificing himself to a wild animal so the mother could feed her cubs.

Best wishes

Roberta

Dear Louise

I am sorry that your mum passed unexpectedly. You have had a lot on your plate dealing with her estate and your yearning for freedom from a relationship that was not fulfilling  you and now you are feeling adrift.

There is not a lot of point discussing should have, would have as this will only pile on the misery.  When you notice one of these disturbing thought/feeling  arise gently tap your heart & say it is okay & it will be okay. This way you are not suppressing or ignore those feeling, your acknowledging them but not adding to them. The other technique to bring you back to the present is the 54321 technique Name 5 things you can see 4 things you can hear 3 things you can smell 2 things you can feel the touch of 1 the taste in your mouth.

If you want to continue with your travels checkout the workaway site where you exchange food & accommodation for about 25 hours work. This will give you built in companionship and save you money and have new experiences.

Roberta