Dear Kris

You did not give context to her verbal abuse ie did she call you a silly air head, a waste of space???.

For clarity I was addressing the one point in each post to which you had given concrete instances. ie the car episode & the friends episode.
And I did ask you to clarify whether she is blunt & harsh in her exchanges with others this would help me understand whether she kind loving & forgiving of others & just singles you out for the mean treatment.

Just yesterday I was driving my grandson to school when a young child stepped off the pavement right in front of my car. If I had been distracted even for a milisecond that child would have been seriously hurt or died. My grandson now viscerally understands how important it is for me to be able to concentrate

I am definitely not taking sides or trying to dismiss the hurt feelings that you have had over the years. In fact my intentions are quite the opposite. When we are able to at least consider a slightly different slant on something, not necessary all things, there is a chance that the overall hurt might diminish just a smidgen. If your sister is in general horrible to most people then that would take the personal sting out a bit, not that is an excuse for her behavior.
Do you feel/think that you are in coercive relationship with your sister & that she wealds an excessive power over how you live your life?

“Seriously, how can anyone in their right mind criticize someone who’s GRIEVING? ” well my mum told me I had no right to grieve for the father of my children because he was my ex! The people we are close to can be terribly unfeeling.

Dear Sisi

“Lee said we weren’t boyfriend and girlfriend but we’re exclusive and we haven’t spoken of the future and we’ve been in this grey area where we’ve both kinda not been perfect… I’m frustrated that the situation became like that.” I don’t get it if you were not actually bf & gf how can you be exclusive? maybe a typo?
Roberta

Hi Sisi

I am glad you were brave enough to speak to your bf truthfully & you realize how alcohol has had detrimental effect on you. I live in a touristy place & it is not easy if you work in that industry not to fall foul of the work hard, party even harder attitude.
How much longer do you have in your job & does your bf work at the same place as you?
I hope that you can be gentle with yourself now & find happiness
Roberta

Dear Kris

Please may I offer a different slant on one of your sisters comments when carpooling with you. Maybe she was more aware how dangerous it is to be distracted when driving. I have to tell my 7yr grandson nearly every time he is in the car that I need to concentrate when driving.

I hope you find a way for you & your sister to have a kind, healthy & loving relationship
Kind regards
Roberta

Hi Devesh
I forgot to ask you who or what are your people? I have just learnt about an amazing man called Peepal Baba, I would love to be described as one of his people.
Who are your heroes?
kind regards
Roberta

Dear Devesh

I hear suffering & the wanting in your post, there are probably several billion people, thinking, feeling & doing the same as you right now & yet it feels that you alone are going thru it.
Like you said you have family & financial commitments, so what changes can you make? You have already realised for your self that some of the things you do to relieve the boredom etc only bring short term relief.
I Have never lived/worked in a city, but when I visit them, I find the amount of buildings claustrophobic, the sheer amount of people in one place, triggers stress, the harsh loud manmade noises jar I could go on & on. How I cope when I have to visit, is by finding quiet green spaces even if it is a small graveyard. I find my people, fellow meditators even if it is a different style to what I am used to. these two things are not financially burdensome & are a good use of any spare time.

It also sounds like you are starting the process of life review/reevaluation, which is no bad thing. What helped me to start was to sit with pen & paper and ask myself “How do I want to live my life?” & just let the thoughts, ideas feelings flow without judgement. Afterwards go for a calming walk then reread and ask your self quietly to each bit “is that true” or “why” so that you can see/feel how each statement truly sits with you. An example would be “I want to make lots of money” reflection “I need x amount a year to support my family ” or your answer might be ” I want a flashy car so that women will be impressed” This may bring you some clarity about your goals & core values. Then you can look at ways to bring them in alignment with each other.

Although the project you are working on is not as exciting as it once was, can you view it differently, ie this project will help other people to…… or i will work diligently rather than begrudgingly so to be of help to my coworkers.

I hope that this will help to uplift your spirits
Roberta

Dear Stephanie

I am sorry that your workplace is not how it was or should be.

Years ago we had a manager that became a nightmare, later we found out that she was undergoing IVF & her hormones were all over the place. My mothers traits got magnified when she went thru the menopause & she refused to get help to manage the symptoms.
Does your manager have a board who maybe pushing her to implement changes, she could be worried about her own position & capabilities?

I work in the care sector & although my workplace states “person centred care” that does not always appear to be the driving force on the ground & that can be both disheartening & a worry for those who use the service & or work there. If your work place has a mission statement you could use this to uphold your actions in prioritizing the way you put your clients wellbeing first. A good mission statement can be used as both a shield & a tool.