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RobertaParticipantHi Tommy
Sorry to hear that you have been unwell with kidney stones. I hope they pass soon.Many traditions bless water – Mahayana buddhist medicine buddha mantra Teyata Om bekanze bekanze mahabekanze radza sumugata soha
best wishes
RobertaRobertaParticipantHi Anita
Are you okay? You normally post each day. Hope you are alright.
Kind regards
RobertaRobertaParticipantHi Tommy
Practice is easier said than done Ha ha. My alarm went off ay 6am this morning did I leap out of bed enthusiastically to do an hours prayers before breakfast? Um erm no…. but I did do a half our meditation & then breakfast. Is that the middle way between all or nothing?
best regards
RobertaRobertaParticipantP.s A friend of mine was caring for an old man who had written about & taught higher level teachings, she was there one day when his teacher a rinpoche admonished him for how little he had actually put even the basics of it into practice in real life over the years.
RobertaParticipantHi Tommy
But, truth is that one may understand there is a difference in feeling pain and the mental suffering. But, the ability to actually control the difference in oneself?? I do not know.A person can understand truth intellectually, but if they are dare I say it, not humble enough to at least give it a go, then they stand no chance of achieving it. It is like reading & understanding about how to run a marathon, ordering all the right kit, but if you dont get your butt off of the sofa…….
The Buddhas teachings are a path to liberation, one has to at least try to walk the talk that’s why we’re called dharma practioners we actually practice rather than just intellectualize & theorize. All talk & no walk doesn’t get you very far.
But hey I am just a bear of very little brain who just takes slow tiny steps in the hope of going in the right direction.
Best wishes
RobertaSeptember 6, 2026 at 12:20 pm in reply to: When family dynamics you grew up with become unacceptable in adulthood #460843RobertaParticipantHi Nea
I am so glad that you will be back in your own home in the very near future. That should make you & your husbands live a lot less stressful. Is it close enough for your mum & sister to be able to visit you easily?
In general I have found men much more reluctant to pick up & hold very small babies – they are worried that they might hold them too tightly or wrong or worse still drop them . One technique is when the man is sitting down, just hand the baby over & say something like “Hold ….. I am just going to make a cup of tea” & then walk out of the room. I dont know whether that technique would be acceptable in your culture.
RobertaRobertaParticipantHi
I have not had big physical pain in my life, so I can not comment on that.
so I will share about small pain – a couple of months ago it was a Sunday afternoon I notice my breathing was different & I was coughing a bit. I recognized this as a chest infection & that I would not be able to go to see the doctor till the morning. I did not want to allow my mind to ruminate & because I knew I would have to sit up rather than lie down thru the night to help with my breathing, sleep would be sporadic if at all, so I decided to use that time to listen to dharma talks, do meditation & prayers this way I did not add mental anguish to my physical discomfort.
I went to the doctors early the next day & he confirmed my diagnosis & I got a prescription for antibiotics. Problem solved.RobertaParticipantHi Girija
I am glad that moving to a new team has felt like a clean slate & that you have decided to handle your anxiety in a new & innovative way.
An acquaintance of mine ( who is a bit of a perfectionist) once was told by his therapist “Dare to be mediocre”.
Best wishes
RobertaRobertaParticipantHi Tommy
Cor there is some big questions within in your last post Who/what am I? What happens after I die. What is enlightenment & what is it like to experience it?
To be honest I have not a clue about any of these things even though I too have pondered them & have not come to any conclusion. This does not stop me trying to walk the buddhist path, which in my humble opinion is way better than the drunken, selfish strumpet mode that I was operating mindlessly in before. Sometimes by pausing & looking back we can see how far we have come & that can give us faith/motivation to carry on with this long journey.
RobertaRobertaParticipantHi Thomas
I remember one of my teachers saying pain is inevitable, suffering is optional.
When we reject what is happening, that is when suffering occurs. My mum suffered because she perceived that her body had betrayed her when she got cancer.
On an easy level when I have a cold, I concur that “I have a cold”, but correct them mental chatter that say “I am suffering from a cold”.
Practicing this way with the small things in life, hopefully I will be able to approach lifes bigger challenges in an equanimous way including my own death.
I still get my knickers in a twist about loads of stuff, but I can now more quickly see a broader perspective & am able to laugh at my self, thanks to the buddhist teachings & approach to life.
RobertaSeptember 2, 2026 at 2:00 pm in reply to: When family dynamics you grew up with become unacceptable in adulthood #460784RobertaParticipantHi Nea
I was just wondering, do you have a naming ceremony for your your children where you are?My grandson was christened Catholic, but his mum had felt disenchanted by the time her 2nd child was born, so there was no ceremony.
What made you & your husband choose the name Maya it really is a lovely name.Love is such an amazing gift both to the giver & receiver, you & your husband are truly blessed.
RobertaRobertaParticipantHi
Causes & conditions so an orange seed is planted – the only thing that can grow from it is an orange tree not an apple tree etc, then the seed needs the right conditions to grow ie sunshine & rain. – some seeds can stay dormant for many years until the right conditions for it to germinate & then it needs more & extra conditions for it to actually bear fruit ie the orange blossom has to be pollinated.
There is an old saying you get more with honey than vinegar that was basically the advice the woman received she stopped nagging (vinegar) & listened & was understanding & supportive of her husbands problems (honey)
RobertaParticipantHi Omyk
I agree, my love for him is still here as it is for my late mum who’s 5th Anniversary was the other week 21 August. Unconditional love is not bound by time or space.
Those shift in mindsets can certainly wake us up to what we want to prioritize & how to do it.
I hope that your seminar touches the attendees in a positive way.
Best wishes
RobertaAugust 30, 2026 at 1:21 am in reply to: When family dynamics you grew up with become unacceptable in adulthood #460718RobertaParticipantDear Nea
I do the practice by repeating one phrase silently over say five times as a breathe slowly & deeply then move to the next phrase. As you get to know yourself better you might spend even a whole session just sitting with one phrase on occasions.
I strongly recommend that both you & your husband do the loving kindness practice, preferably together even if it is for just 10 mins a day to start with. It is a time of quiet bonding, deep understanding, it will help the you grow as individuals & a unit, start to heal some wounds, build resilience so that it is more likely for unconditional love to flow both in & out of your bubble & cleanse & act as a barrier to negativity.
This is not a quick & instant fix, but a good long term foundation to help you thru the ups & downs of life.
It is a process that starts with yourself & then works outwards in stages with specific categories & recipients, but for the moment it would probably be best to do it in baby steps so to speak.
Kind regards
RobertaRobertaParticipantDear Figuringitout
That is a lot of death & loss to process in such a short time, dare one say life altering.
I hope that the joy & wisdom that your loved ones gave you continues to help you navigate your grief journey.Roberta
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