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Roberta

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Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 289 total)
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  • in reply to: Taking a break #434955
    Roberta
    Participant

    Dear Clara

    I hope you have a good trip.  Along with the causes that Helcat stated at the moment fear drives my anger ie If dad has a fall I cannot lift him by myself so when dad’s unco -operativeness puts us both in danger of this I have to slow down and realign into my parasympathetic system.  The problem is that if anger is not counteracted it becomes more frequent and stronger. Gratitude Love patience & compassion are the antidotes.   Working with Anger by Thubten Chodren is well worth a read plus I am  currently reading a book called Prescence.

    Best wishes Roberta

    in reply to: Taking a break #434942
    Roberta
    Participant

    Dear Clara

    Now that you see that there is a pattern & a root cause for your anger and you appear to be willing to start to actively address the difficulty with emotional regulation.

    Whether your current relationship continues or not I hope you will continue with self exploration so that you will have a happier future.

    Kind regards

    Roberta

    in reply to: Taking a break #434890
    Roberta
    Participant

    Dear Chau

    If you do not honor the no contact agreement, what message do you think that is sending out? ie needy, untrustworthy.

    Use this time to nurture your good qualities and allow the other stuff to arise and pass away as  is the nature of thoughts & emotions without acting on them. Journaling is fine as long as it does not feed your pity party. Eckhart Tolle’s talk on the pain body is well worth a look.

    Kind regards

    Roberta

    in reply to: I am really struggling #434835
    Roberta
    Participant

    Dear Vee

    I am sorry that life for you at the moment appears to be without joy & contentment.

    May I ask how was your marriage prior to having children?

    You should congratulate yourself for noticing the connection between the stress your husbands attitude towards you and your comfort eating. At the moment I am reading two book one call Presence and the other is Real Meditations in minutes.

    Do your children see & hear these troubling interactions?

    Would your husband be open to couples counseling, he too maybe is unhappy or stressed and it has leaked into your relationship.

    I hope that you will get plenty of support from the members of this forum.

    Kind regards

    Roberta

    in reply to: What is some advice for an almost 32-year-old virgin? #434653
    Roberta
    Participant

    Dear Franco.

    The big thing that you should take from the encounter is that she looked into your eyes.

    This means that she has no hang ups about meeting someones gaze.

    in reply to: Fake friend….or a jealous friend #434391
    Roberta
    Participant

    Dear Arie1276

    You chose to accept the invite to go around even though you know that the situation between you & other family members/inlaws is volatile. You were sober and capable of walking away the moment things began to get uncomfortable especially since you saw that they we really drunk by the time you arrived.  You in your post you say that you & your son used the F word on several occasions during this visit. So its a bit like the pot calling the kettle black.  I think you are right to keep any future meetings to a minimum & act with dignity and walk away from anything that you find provocative. It is up to your nieces parents to go into bat on her behalf.

     

     

    in reply to: Taking a break #434389
    Roberta
    Participant

    Dear Chau

    I am sorry that you were unable to get the support you wanted to cope with the distress that your mothers dementia blip gave you.   Just the other day a friend of my late mum asked me how she was & I said we lost her a while ago. Then  she shook her self and said ” I have dementia”. I spoke about the little funeral we had & told her I would hold the memory for both of us & that she could never upset me. She smiled & we hugged.  My dad would just tap his head and say his brain was not working. Over the years we have had a couple of these poignant moments. Have you been to any talks about the different aspects and stages of dementia? My dad is on 35mils of coconut oil in his breakfast & there was / is a marked improvement in his mobility & cognitive skills. My friend tried a bit with his mother but she has diabetes & it played havoc with her blood sugars.

    Kind regards

    Roberta

     

    in reply to: Taking a break #434217
    Roberta
    Participant

    Dear Chau

    I guess hope, despair & confusion are your companions at the moment. It is okay to feel these emotions or any others, just do not feed them.

    Pema Chodren has a book called  comfortable with uncertainty and also Living Beautifully – uncertainty & change, in fact all her books are insightful & helpful.

    When ever I am at a crossroads I review How I want to live my life. This helps me be patient with being in limbo and makes sure that I am keeping to my core values .

    Keep yourself busy with healthy pursuits and avoid alcohol or other mind /wisdom altering substances & people.

    Kind regards

    Roberta

    in reply to: My Obese wife and my troubles with it #434215
    Roberta
    Participant

    Dear Mr A

    Unfortunately you appear to adhere to a society which promotes excessive wealth and intellect over kindness & compassion and  women are  often regarded as 2nd class citizens especially if they fail to produce a male heir.

    Learning about Loving Kindness Meditations & practicing them alongside gratitude meditations may help raise your emotional IQ. Also I get a Daily Good by email each day I find it interesting & stimulating you could try reading this with your wife each evening, it may give you something to talk about on a level playing field.

    Kind regards

    Roberta

     

    in reply to: Blank Canvas #434067
    Roberta
    Participant

    If you are a poet, you will see clearly that there is a cloud floating in this sheet of paper. Without a cloud, there will be no rain; without rain, the trees cannot grow: and without trees, we cannot make paper. The cloud is essential for the paper to exist. If the cloud is not here, the sheet of paper cannot be here either. So we can say that the cloud and the paper inter-are.

    “Interbeing” is a word that is not in the dictionary yet, but if we combine the prefix “inter” with the verb “to be”, we have a new verb, inter-be. Without a cloud, we cannot have paper, so we can say that the cloud and the sheet of paper inter-are.

    If we look into this sheet of paper even more deeply, we can see the sunshine in it. If the sunshine is not there, the forest cannot grow. In fact nothing can grow. Even we cannot grow without sunshine. And so, we know that the sunshine is also in this sheet of paper. The paper and the sunshine inter-are. And if we continue to look we can see the logger who cut the tree and brought it to the mill to be transformed into paper. And we see the wheat. We know that the logger cannot exist without his daily bread, and therefore the wheat that became his bread is also in this sheet of paper. And the logger’s father and mother are in it too. When we look in this way we see that without all of these things, this sheet of paper cannot exist.

    — Thich Nhat Hanh

    in reply to: My Obese wife and my troubles with it #434066
    Roberta
    Participant

    Dear Mr A

    Oh dear oh dear what a pickle. As a woman who tried for many years to conceive again after having two healthy boys. I remember how each month that I did not get pregnant I felt a failure and less of a woman.   If your mindset is mainly to make love to your wife, because you want a child, she is probably going to feel  like an unloved brood mare instead of a beloved wife.

    I suggest you take the pressure off your wife and stop trying to conceive and spend the next year taking time to nurture your wife’s self esteem after the battering you have given it for the last 3 years.  Get playful, make time for each other, dance, find out what’s her joy. You may just have to accept that you will remain childless.

    Roberta

    in reply to: How to get myself back to work? #433896
    Roberta
    Participant

    Dear Rising Again

    How lucky you are to work for a kind & understanding friend. I too was once blessed to have a friend like yours. They let me learn a couple of aspects of the job and once I was comfortable & competent added another aspect. He preferred that I took my time & did less, so that there were few mistakes and any that occurred were rectified quickly with no hint of censure.

    Relax , enjoy your work & stop comparing yourself to others, that way you will become more productive & competent much quicker than being stressed & critical about your  performance.

    in reply to: Was he not into me or did I scare him off? #433894
    Roberta
    Participant

    Dear Flow28

    I am sorry that your first intimate encounter turned out not to be in a fully committed relationship.

    Does the country you both live in and or his religion prohibit gay relationships?

    Nobody likes being given ultimatums especially so early on in a relationships.  Yes you can voice your fears regarding alcohol and the possible promiscuous behavior. My son and his friends had a similar tradition for many years, yes there was some drinking, these trips petered out once they had dispersed to different locations, now my son is happily married and with children, but he still gets to visit his best friend for a week end each year with his wife’s blessing and she too is able to have girlie downtime.

    It is strange that he did not think that the relationship was not deep enough to commit to official bf/gf status either before or after sexual activity.  He may be the type of personality that likes the chase, but is not really interested in the act of conquest itself.

    Please do not become bitter or untrusting because of this short lived encounter.  Value & love yourself so that when the right seeds for a relationship are sow it will be a happy & supportive.

    Roberta
    Participant

    Dear Robi

    I am glad that you start your day intentionally.

    Most of us mooch thru the day and only bring gratitude to mind when something either nice or scary/ horrid jolts us out of our dreamlike existence ie you narrowly miss getting hit by a car phew thank goodness wakes us up to how fragile & precious our lives are.

    Where as in reality moment by moment there are things to be grateful the clothes you put on were made by some one else  along with the food & utensils, the transport, the building you live in. even your electronic devices.  Strangers alive & dead have given us so much from the moment of our birth to beyond our last breath. It is easy to pause every couple of hours look around you & take a few moments to acknowledge the interconectedness of our lives.

    regards

    Roberta

    Roberta
    Participant

    Dear Robi

    Having a negative topsy turvey  yo yo mind is exhausting for you and impacts on those around you.  Learning to have an attitude of gratitude & appreciation will bring about a more positive stable  states of mind.  Spending time outside in nature especially since its summer and other free public amenities will minimize the time you are in the flat. When you are in the flat have the resolve to be friendly & helpful this will make life easier for all .

    regards Rob

     

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 289 total)