Home→Forums→Relationships→Broke trust with my partner… how do I go from here?
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anita.
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July 11, 2026 at 10:14 am #459383
AlessaParticipantHi Sisi
Well a kiss isn’t the worst, it’s not like you slept with anyone.
It sounds like you knew that person had a thing for you before you went drinking with them? Is that correct? I’m assuming you said no when you were sober.
For women, it’s generally not recommended to go drinking with a man alone even if you are friends and especially not if you know he has a thing for you. In this case, a friend you trusted kissed you. Much worse things can happen. It isn’t just your own inhibition that has to be considered. 🩵
Are you fairly young? Your parents really should have told you to be more careful because men can be quite predatory.
I think you did the right thing telling the guy you’re exclusive with. He deserves to know the facts and make decisions without being manipulated. Not many people are that honest. 😊
Do you think that maybe part of you is kind of ready for this relationship of sorts to be over even though you do genuinely like him? Or at least worry it might end at some point in the future? 🩵
How do you feel about being exclusive, not boyfriend and girlfriend?
It tells me that he has serious commitment issues. A lot of long distance relationships generally fail sadly. 🩵
July 11, 2026 at 11:20 am #459384
anitaParticipantGood Sat morning ( here), Sisi ✨️
I am going to reply at more length a bit later, but for now, I see a gap between Objective Reality and Subjective Reality:
However emotionally close you felt to him, even seeing having a family with him- the objective reality seems to be that there was never an exclusive boyfriend- girlfriend relationship.
Instead (and while he was under the influence of alcohol), he asked for (a temporary) sexual exclusivity.
So, when you kissed another guy, objectively:
* You didn’t betray a boyfriend.
* YYou didn’t betray an exclusive bf-gf relationship.
What you did, was.. what’re the words.. you put a pause on a sexual-exclusivity agreement that was temporary to begin with.
Subjectively, you reacted to this very minor “offense” as if you committed a crime.
Personally, now that I see a bigger picture ( following reading the latest posts), I see no offense at all.
“No, we’re not boyfriend and girlfriend”, you wrote a bit more than 3 hours ago- here it is: Objective Reality.
When you don’t have a boyfriend, kissing another guy is not an offense.
A non- boyfriend doesn’t have a moral or ethical right to ask for, or expect, sexual exclusivity, except for the purpose of protecting oneself from STDs, I am thinking.
What are you thinking, Sisi?
(More later).
🌿🌿🌿 Anita
July 11, 2026 at 1:02 pm #459387anitaParticipantSisi: “I do have this tendency to… not want to disappoint people… because I’ve been told I’m too sensitive, too this and that, and therefore it makes me lost in tough situations”-
Having been told that you’re too this and too that, delivered the message, did it not: that your perceptions and evaluations of situations is not reliable,
As in, you can’t rely on yourself to know what’s really going on?
And so, you give your power away to others (who may be.. too self- centered, too distracted, too mis- attuned to you)- to decide what’s right and wrong, what’s appropriate, what’s not, giving them the authority that belongs to you?
And you end up trying to please and appease them?
If this really is the way it’s been for you ( alongside the process of finding your own voice and asserting yourself),
Then I can very much relate. In fact, I can’t think of anyone I know in real- life, or in the forums here, who had given their authority and agency away more than I have.
If this resonate, I can share more and we can explore this further.
🌿🌿🌿 Anita
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