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Family Drama/toxic relationships

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Viewing 5 posts - 1 through 5 (of 5 total)
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  • March 9, 2025 at 11:28 am #444015
    Arie1276
    Participant

    Hi Anita ,

    I have not posted in such a long time. I posted a lot under Fake friend/or jealous friend in the past.
    Current situation: My family and I still do not speak to my sister n laws sister Amy and her bf.
    My brother continues to favor her bf and not my husband . It still causes alot of family friction.
    Easter is coming up. My brother told my mom that he will be having Easter dinner at his home and Amy and her bf will be there because my brother and his wife want everyone there. I still did not get a phone call or an invite yet. Even though my mom said my brother will be texting me about it when it gets closer. He told my parents to get over what happened and well my mom blew up at him big time. She said if they ignore my parents or don’t say hi then my parents will leave. I am on the fence about going but it is a holiday. My husband hates the guy. And my kids will not be there. I will go only if my brother asks me.
    Last fall in 2024, Amy’s bf was drunk and driving down a road and a car was trying to pass him. Amy’s bf pulled a gun on the driver in the other car and threatened to shoot him for passing . Cops were called and the other guy in the car decided to drop the charges, and the cop never showed up to the bearing and Amy’s bf walked free. I got into an argument with my brother over it because I was pissed that my brother chooses to hang around with a potential felon and he still does not try to get to know my husband. He still ignores my husband. The whole situation makes me so angry and frustrated. I just don’t know what to do anymore. We try to make plans with my brother and his wife and when we do , they don’t talk much like they do when they are around Amy and her bf. I feel like throwing my hands in the air and just say to hell with trying .

    March 9, 2025 at 12:21 pm #444016
    Roberta
    Participant

    Dear Ariel1276
    I am sorry that things have not improved with your interfamily relationships.
    “I feel like throwing my hands in the air and just say to hell with trying.” – Mentally run thru this in two ways 1) All guns blazing vomiting out all the anger & hurt. 2) in a gentle wise compassionate way ( it is okay to feel sad) . Then see how these different ways make you feel emotionally, physically & mentally.
    Life is too short & unpredictable to hold grudges, death is just a breath away. Live each moment with as much peace, joy, dignity & compassion & gratitude. We only have control over our own motives, decisions & behaviour.
    Kind regards
    Roberta

    March 9, 2025 at 5:21 pm #444019
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Arie: I will read and reply tomorrow morning.
    Anita

    March 10, 2025 at 2:31 am #444029
    Alessa
    Participant

    Hi Arie

    Is it safe to go to a gathering with this man when there is a family conflict? There could be drinking and he could easily pull a gun on any one of you. He seems genuinely unstable and actively dangerous to be around.

    Do not feel pressured to attend this event if you don’t feel safe.

    As for the issues with your husband and your brother. You are doing your part in defending your husband. That is all you need to do. How does your husband feel about the difficulties between your brother and him? Do you feel hurt that the relationship with your brother has deteriorated because of the difficulties between them?

    March 10, 2025 at 9:10 am #444035
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Arie:

    I’m glad to see you post again, though I’m sorry it’s still under such difficult circumstances. I looked back at what you shared in your earlier threads, “BROTHER AND BEST FRIEND WRONGLY ACCUSED ME” (March 2022) and “Fake friend…or a jealous friend” (May-July 2024), to understand everything you’ve been through.

    It’s clear this ongoing conflict with your brother, Amy, and Amy’s boyfriend has taken a big toll on you. I can imagine how exhausting and frustrating it must be. It’s completely understandable to feel hurt and angry, especially when your brother seems to downplay your feelings and continues to prioritize a guy who has caused so much trouble.

    From what you’ve shared, Amy’s behavior has consistently been passive-aggressive, immature, and divisive. It seems like her insecurities and jealousy have created a lot of unnecessary drama over the years. Her boyfriend’s behavior only adds to the tension—his actions, including the incident with the gun, show a pattern of dangerous and disrespectful behavior. It’s frustrating that your brother defends them instead of recognizing how their actions have impacted you and the rest of the family.

    As for Easter, it’s completely fair to take your time deciding whether to go. If you do attend, focusing on your parents or other supportive family members while keeping a distance from Amy and her boyfriend could help minimize stress. On the other hand, if it feels unsafe or emotionally draining, it’s okay to skip it. Your well-being is more important than showing up to a gathering that could make things worse.

    I know you’ve put a lot of effort into trying to maintain peace, even when others haven’t met you halfway. It’s okay to step back and protect your own peace—there’s no need to keep trying when it’s not being reciprocated.

    If you need to talk or share more, I’m here for you. Whatever you decide about Easter, I hope you find some calm and support during the holiday. You deserve that!

    anita

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