Hi Anita

I am doing well!  Its been awhile since my last post.  Things are going great.  We have been married now for 10 months now.  I am starting to relax a bit now and not worrying so much my insecurities with our marriage.  I still, however, check his phone periodically.  Remember when I last told you about the woman I told off at our wedding dinner reception?  Well, I found her name in his contact list. There was no number .  I was assuming it was for fb messenger.  I deleted and blocked her again! I did not confront him about it . I found no secret conversations anywhere in his phone.  I did all this while he was asleep.  I really need to stop looking in his phone.   He still works long hours during the day and evenings.  Sometimes he will come home if it is slow.  Or he will come home early and tell me he misses me and wants to spend time with me.  Which i am happy about.   Sometimes I wish he can find a different job.But right now we are in the process of him becoming a citizen.  Which I am not sure how all that works, but hopefully us being married will make it a little easier.  I know that immigration still wants us to prove that our marriage is not fake and that it is a real true love marriage.

We actually went on a very nice vacation 2 weeks ago.  It was like our second honey moon.  I had my first plane ride, which was an incredible scary experience for me anyway.  But we had a wonderful time!

I am planning on a second vacation with my 2 sons from my previous marriage.   My sons are older. College age.  They absolutely love my husband and he loves them.  But unfortunately my husband cannot go on vacation with us for 5 days.  He told me he needs to work because he will not get paid for being off since he does ride share/uber/lyft.   I asked him if he is ok with me taking my boys and he said he is fine with it and wishes he can go but he just simply cant.   I get paid for being off on vacation.   I guess i am just afraid that he wont be here when i come back.  I always have that fear in the back of my mind that he will leave like he did before without notice.  That will always stay in my mind.   I know he won’t leave and has no real reason to leave.   I asked him what will he be doing while i am gone, he told me he wants to work a lot of hours cause he really needs the money to help pay for our bills, etc.   He said he wants to take me away for my birthday in a few months and he wants to save for that also.     I don’t know why i still keep having that fear.  I have not talked to him about it.

He is such a sweet, honest,caring, guy who will do anything for anyone.  He tells me everyday how much he loves me and how i am his everything.  He is so attentive to my needs.  I do feel safe and secure with him and i love him soooo very much.  I would give the world to him.   We never fight or argue.  We do however have some disagreements but its nothing that can’t be resolved.   We are each other’s best friend.

I guess, i just need to relax and stop worrying.

Hi Anita.
I am doing ok.   I will write soon.

No she isn’t a friend of any of his friends that I am aware of.
my husbands character is very family oriented and he is hard working.  He will come home early from work and tell me he missed me .  He’s very attentive to my my needs.  Very affectionate and we talk about everything, except I can’t talk to him about what I found.  We spend as much time together as much as we can cause he works long hours .   He does spend about 3 hours at the gym.  He runs for an hour , then does weights and will sit in the hot tub , shower , then goes to work or comes home after.  When I do call him to ask him about something related to home or groceries it’s noisy in the gym, and when he is working he is driving or calls me back right away.  I asked him why our pictures together isn’t on his instagram or on his profile page on Facebook.   He told me it’s because in his culture the husbands or boy friends do not post pictures of their wives because they don’t want other men to look at their women.    All of his friends know we are married because he has it on his fb page.  I also found that the woman from our wedding dinner was following him on instagram so I blocked her too from his page.   These women have no business trying to co fact my husband.  Friend or no friend.   There are boundaries and once over stepped, I will not hold anything back.

Hi Anita.
Happy New Year!

Well so far this year has not been a pleasant one. My son ended up I the hospital but is doing well now.  He lives with his dad and brother.  They are both older and in college.
Anyways that isn’t the reason why I am writing.
My husband decided to work out at the gym again because he is an ex MMA fighter and has put on about 20 pounds.  He either goes in the morning for 3 hours or will go in the evening for 3 hours and sometimes he will go to work after his evening workout.   He is a Uber driver.  I now know not see him if I’m lucky for a few mins in the morning or an hour or 2 in the evening or sometimes I’m asleep by the time he comes home cause he works late at times.   I am feeling like he isnt spending enough time with me.  I feel like I’m being pushed aside .    And when I’m on the phone with him, if his friends call he will tell me he will call me back.  Shouldn’t I come first before his friends?   I am beginning to feel so alone in our marriage .  When I asked him what he does at the gym. He says he runs for an hour, does weights and goes into the jacuzzi for 20 mins and then showers and leaves.  But 3-4 hours at a gym?????????? I work full time, come home , clean up after him cause he’s messy, cook dinner i which he doesn’t even eat because he says he does not want to feel full before he hours back out to work or goes to bed.   I do all the laundry , grocery shopping.  He spends little time with me on weekends too cause that’s when he makes the most money.  I can’t visit friends or family often cause I’m an hour away from them. So I basically sit at home and sometimes I just get so down that I cry.    He can tell I haven’t been myself lately.  And all I tell him is that I’m ok but actually I’m not ok.

Good evening Anita,

The language barrier isn’t severe.  He speaks English well.   Well enough for me to understand him and him understand me.   Its just when he speaks to his friends in his language.  As of today,  I am in the process of learning turkish online.   As for him participating in them talking about me, I have no clue.  He usually sits with the men and I with the women.   But the women don’t talk to me in english much.   So i usually sit there in silence.   But I think he will tell me if they talk about me.   Its just frustrating at time.s

It is so hard to put the past in the past and just concentrate on the present and look at the real time evidence. I am trying to put that all behind me.

He also drives people from point A to point B for a living. So he leaves when i do in the morning for work. Then he comes home in the afternoon and will sleep, eat dinner and then go back out to work and will work til usually late.  That is how he makes his money. In his culture the men provide for the family, so he works a lot.    I work full time during the day.  So i am home alone mostly in the evenings and on weekends in the evenings unless we are invited to meet friends or family or just go out .   It gets quite lonely.   I have family that is almost an hour away that I will visit few times a week.   I have no friends here where we live.   I mostly stay home when i come home from work.   It gets quite lonely and i cry a lot because I wish he had a different job where he came home at a normal time and didn’t work weekends.   He talks about going back to school for a different career path, but I don’t push the issue because he doesn’t like to be pushed.  I think he will figure it out eventually and do it on his own.   So…yes…it gets lonely.   He knows all this except he doesn’t know i cry or I wish he had a different job.  Some of his friends do the same type of job too and they have families.      Its just frustrating at times.

Anita

I do wish I didn’t have to worry.  The incident at our wedding dinner party triggered some things, so yes,   I do have a hard time trusting him 100 %.  I have been trying to keep the bad things that has happened to me in the past in the past!   Things like being ghosted, lied to, cheated on, mentally and verbally abused by a narcissist at one point in my life. So i do have some trust issues.   And  I have been trying to heal from those things.  We love each other very much and we are very open and honest about everything.  But he has no idea about some of those things that has happened to me.   I am not sure if he would understand if I did tell him.  I am learning to deal with my trust issues.   I just wish I didn’t have those issues.

Thing is, he has no blood family relatives here at all.    They are all over seas.   He has friends here.  Many  he considers “brothers”.  Their wives are “sisters”.   Very few of his friends speak english.  I do understand my husband well.   Problem is that I don’t understand his friends.   So, when we all get together for dinner or tea or coffee, I sit there not knowing what is said.  He is my translator.  They are very nice people and very generous and hospitable.   And yes I do feel left in the dark not knowing what is being said.  They could be talking about me or not.   So, I do feel a bit uncomfortable.  All I do is sit there and smile at them.   I do want to learn their language.  I do know simple words.  But, not fully yet.

Anita

Yes it was his female friend and my husband greeting guests outside before the wedding dinner.   It is custom for the bride and groom to greet the guests, not her.   I was not made aware until that very moment.  And yes it was crude and rude behavior on both of their parts.  If I would not have said anything , it would have continued.   Til this day it bothers me and  I am trying so hard to get past it.   I told him she didn’t respect our boundaries.  There are boundaries and when someone over steps them like she did, then  yes…..I had every right to lash out at her in front of his friends.   I might add, the look on their faces was priceless lol.

He values his friends.  Which I have no problem with because they are all male.   And I have met them all including their wives and girl friends, and their children.   He does not like to keep secrets, but I feel by him changing his passcode and an odd number and a text popped up which i tried to translate via google.  He can tell I am not myself lately because  of what i saw.

When he got his new phone , he failed to delete all his old ex’s.   So thats why i took it upon myself to do that without him knowing.

We do have a language barrier issue.  Sometimes he doesn’t understand what Im trying to tell him or vice versa.   He is very big on family.  Family is the most important thing in his life  along with his friends.     I know We dont’ talk enough.  When he asks me if Im ok.  I lie and tell him Im ok or Im good even when Im not.

Do I casually ask what that number was and who it belongs to?  Because when i get texts or if my phone rings he wants to know who it is and what they said.   Fair is fair.  Am I right or wrong?

I also wanted to note that legalizing the marriage did not push him away.  That was all he talked about. Us getting married and having the wedding and reception at his one friends very nice restaurant and she was all prepared in letting us use her establishment.  what pushed him away was that he told me he could not provide for me financially the way he wanted and he felt horrible about it and told me i deserve a better life with someone who can.   It was not family or friends i was finally told.  It was him who wanted to focus on his mma career and work more and more hours.   I had lashed out at him few times about coming home super late and not seeing him except on fridays and sundays .   Sometimes he would go out to work on sundays too .  I keep thinking about me lashing out at him about it pushed him away.  Then I am thinking maybe it wasn’t the reason why.  The real reason i think is because of his career, his trainer is in Florida where he wanted to move to.  But leaving me the way he did was very immature and cruel.  I am still confused, my heart is still heavy, and i still feel empty.  Him coming back to visit our city in a few weeks makes me feel anxious because I don’t know what to expect