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Arie1276

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Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 35 total)
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  • #404362
    Arie1276
    Participant

    I also wanted to note that legalizing the marriage did not push him away.  That was all he talked about. Us getting married and having the wedding and reception at his one friends very nice restaurant and she was all prepared in letting us use her establishment.  what pushed him away was that he told me he could not provide for me financially the way he wanted and he felt horrible about it and told me i deserve a better life with someone who can.   It was not family or friends i was finally told.  It was him who wanted to focus on his mma career and work more and more hours.   I had lashed out at him few times about coming home super late and not seeing him except on fridays and sundays .   Sometimes he would go out to work on sundays too .  I keep thinking about me lashing out at him about it pushed him away.  Then I am thinking maybe it wasn’t the reason why.  The real reason i think is because of his career, his trainer is in Florida where he wanted to move to.  But leaving me the way he did was very immature and cruel.  I am still confused, my heart is still heavy, and i still feel empty.  Him coming back to visit our city in a few weeks makes me feel anxious because I don’t know what to expect

    #404361
    Arie1276
    Participant

    Hi. Helcat

    He was the one pushing nikah which i was taken by surprise .   But it wasn’t for sex at all.  It was not like that. It was so he could live with me.  We did love each other very much.  I think he still does .  I am so confused .  I have never in my life had an ex that wanted to be friends with me except for my ex husband from a previous marriage  who i have children with.   But yes i will find out what his true intentions are.  Who knows, he may be confused himself too.

    #404345
    Arie1276
    Participant

    Anita

    I dont think its all about sex.   I will talk to him face to face which is better than text in my opinion.   I want to know what his intentions are.  He and I have a lot to talk about.   He asked me to visit him in florida and to stay with him.   It sounds tempting.   But i will wait til he comes here in a few weeks.  Only time will tell.  He still knows i love him very much.

    #404344
    Arie1276
    Participant

    Hi Helcat

    He pushed for it.  In his culture if man and woman feel right about their love for each other, then why wait.  Which is true.  But i have been in traditional relationships before this and none led to marriage.   I tried to slow it down but then i realized i did truly love this man with all my heart and soul and it felt right.   But if he wants to take things slow since we are in different states in which i have no idea how that will work unless he moves back or i move there, then im willing to do that.  That is a lot to think about.

    #404335
    Arie1276
    Participant

    Anita

    He reached out to me again the other day and we keep talking back n forth.  He is now in Florida training for his MMA fights and working long hours doing Uber/Lyft.     He still keeps saying we can be friends.   Why do ex’s want to be friends with the girls they broke up with?   Its very confusing for me.   I want to get my hopes up but I know if I do , I will be back to I was the first day.   He kept asking about my family and how they were, how I was doing in which i was very honest with him about.   He asked about my dad’s garden.  In which my ex loved to look at.   He msgs me everyday.  He said he might be coming up to visit , but will stay in a hotel in the city and told me I can go see him there in a few weekends.   He was telling me all about his training and about work.  I asked him if he was currently dating and he said no and askied if I was.  i told him no.  He asked why and I told him exactly why and how I  still have feelings and loved him.  He asked if i missed him and i said yes.  And he sent a smile emoji.    He asked me if i made lasagna cause that is his favorite thing i made for him.   Then he called me mamacita.  I don’t know what that means.    Then he said he knows he broke my heart but hes working a lot now and if I want we can stay friends.    Then i didn’t reply back to him for an over an hour and he msg me asking me why it took so long for me to reply.  I was busy.   So I am so confused.  I want to see him when he comes here .  I am not sure how things will turn out when i see him or what will happen.   I feel he misses me.    I’m just so confused.   Part of me wants to believe he will get back together with me and the other part is so confused.

    #403699
    Arie1276
    Participant

    Anita

    Update:

    Two days ago, I had reached out to my ex fiance one last time.  The only place he did not block me I found was Instagram messenger that was connected to my fb messenger.  He had sent me a funny meme 2 months ago while we were still together and I had kept it there.   I called him on that messenger.  I hung up.  Then few seconds later he replied with a question mark.

    Our conversation went like this:   I said Hi How are you?  .  Him: Im okey how are you.  Me: Are you out working ? Him: Yes, how are you?  .  Me: Im really not ok.   Him: ! why.  Me: Do you miss me? .  Him: No.   Me:How can you say that?  Him: Please I no want broken your heart.  Good Luck Jeni.   Me:  You did .  You hurt me so bad.   Him: Take care of yourself.  You nice girl, a nice man  a nice person will come in your life.  Me:  Then why did you leave me if Im all that.  I loved you! You left me so heartbroken and empty.  Him: Im sorry.  You have so nice life.  Me:  How could you do that to someone you loved?    Him: I No have good life, Im sorry. I no can give you a good life I don’t want us to stay anymore together. I don’t wanna break your heart.

    Me:   Why did you do this.  You wanted al of it with me and then to leave me like you did.  Thats not love.    Him:  ok. sorry.

    Me:   You don’t hurt the ones you love no matter what.   Him:  Ok.  Me:  I miss you ok. And I keep hoping you will come back.  Him:  Im sorry im not still anymore in (our city).  Me:  Where did you go    Him:  Im in Florida.    Me: I had a feeling you had moved there.   Him:  If you want text me still friend.  If you not want to text me, its ok too.   Me: How can I when Im blocked.

    Him: Im  open.  I know can stay anymore in (our city).   Me: I tried calling you several times.  Is that why you left me so you can go to florida?   Him: Not call me now, Im not ready to talk to you.  You nice girl , you have nice family, I respect everybody. Please forget me.   Me:  How can i forget you.  You will always have a place in my heart.  I wanted nothing more than to be your wife so much.  I wont forget you.  Please tell me the  truth.  Why did you leave me?   We could have talked about everything.

    Him: Sorry. Take care yourself.   Me:  Did you love me? Please tell me the truth.  Did it hurt you to leave me like you did?  Him: Sorry.    Me: Anyways I guess it doesn’t really matter now. I wish you the best babe.  I will miss you so much.  Just know that I truly deeply did love you unconditionally.  I still do love you.  You meant everything to me.  Through the pain and the tears after you left me….I still do love you and will always miss you.  You will always have a special place in my heart.    Him: ok. (and a prayer emoji)  I know cant say nothing sorry good luck.  I gave you everything so nice.  God give you everything so nice.

    Me:  Thank you.   Him: You are a nice person when you’re a nice girl you want a good life.  I no can give you a good life.  I think you will find normal guy start love different person different guy.   Me:  I don’t think I can for a long time.  You really made an impact on me and my life.  I fell in love with you instantly and your culture. Everything!! I don’t think i will ever love another man like i loved you in a very long time.     Him:  ok. Take care of yourself. Be careful ok.  Me: ok . You too sweetie.  Please keep in touch with me ok.  Him: ok.

    That was the last conversation even though his english was broken..  I have some closure.  But….I never cried so hard in my entire life.  He really impacted my life.  My heart is still heavy with sadness.   I miss him so damn much it hurts.   He is now in another state and there is nothing I can do about it.  There was nothing I could have done to stop him from leaving me.  I know deep down he misses me and loves me but didn’t want to tell me because he didn’t want to break my heart any further than it was already.

    I guess Im not meant to be loved or to be with anyone.   Everyone tells me to move on, forget him.  I just wish someone would explain it to my heart.   Im completely heartbroken.    I still cry a lot  I cry in the car when our songs come on, I cry at home, i cry after i get to my car after work,  I try to keep it together at family functions and when i go out with friends.   I am a complete mess.   People keep telling me it was too fast, it was only 3 months together.  Yes that may all be true, but if both parties feel it is right , why not.  Life is short.    But those 3 months we were each others everything, inseperable basically.   We loved each other soo much, but he loved me enough to leave me because he felt he couldn’t provide for me and give me the life I deserve.   I will miss him forever .

    #403471
    Arie1276
    Participant

    Anita

    Happy 4th of July to you too!

    #403206
    Arie1276
    Participant

    Hi Anita

    I am doing ok. I still have my days and moments where I just get depressed and start crying .  I keep asking myself why did he do this to me or how could he do this to me. I miss him terribly.  I go for long walks to try to clear my head .  But the memories of us just come back. Especially at night.  The nights are the worst. I thought about going on anti depressants but I don’t want to become dependent on those.  My friends and family keep telling me to move on. But how can you move on when your have experienced something like this.  It’s very difficult.   I keep wondering what he’s doing or he’s probably with someone else now.  Thinking that hurts me more.  I loved him with everything I had .  Not a day goes by that I don’t think of him.  I wonder if he thinks of me too.
    my friend tried fixing me up on a date.  I couldn’t go through with it.  The feeling wasn’t there.  It didn’t feel right to me to be on that date. So I cut it short. I came home and cried.  Will i ever go back to being myself before i met my ex fiancé ?

    #402608
    Arie1276
    Participant

    Anita

    I am starting to feel a little better.  Not much.  I just can’t stop thinking about him.  I feel so empty and my heart is still so heavy .  I am grieving .  I have no interest in doing anything .  I go with my friends and i cant even get myself to enjoy my time with them.  All I do is thing about him.    I know this is wrong but my friend tried to call him for me while i was in her presence on her phone….it went directly to voicemail.  We tried for several hours.  Still went to voicemail.  His phone has been shut off or else it would have rang. If he changed his number it would have said number no longer in service.  I just wanted to talk to him so bad.   I still believe it was his friends that convinced him to leave me.  If they told him to come back to me , i think he would.   I re read the last text he wrote. I feel it wasn’t him talking  His texts are broken english.  The texts he sent were not broken english.  I believe it was his so called “cousin” talking. Not him.   I miss him badly.   I can’t even go to the places we went to.  It hurts too much still.   I dont’ think he realized how much pain he has caused when he left.   So many things remind me of him and us.  I can’t even delete our pictures off facebook and instagram.     I want closure. I want answers.  I know he didn’t want this.  When i spoke to his friend who owns the restaurant we went to alot, she said the week before all he talked about was how much he loved me and how much he wanted to marry me, and how he wanted us to get married at her restaurant and have our dinner party there.   Im still so confused.   People and friends tell me to move on and get over it.  How can you just move on and get over it?   They don’t understand.   My one friend suggested to pay a visit to his friend who owns the restaurant and sit and talk with her.  I may do that at some point. She told me i am welcome there anytime.

    I have read about anxious attachment.  I know i have it.   I read about avoidment attachment too. Which he has too.

    The other day, my friend tried to fix me up on a blind date.  I simply excused myself and walked out.  I am not ready and I can’t date and use these men as bandaids.  It would not be fair.   I need to be alone.  I still want to get my passport and take a long trip to clear my head, but i have noone to go with me.

    This is so painful and feels like my insides have been ripped out.   Its a nightmare!  Maybe one day he will realize what he did and realize the grass isn’t always greener on the other side and come back.  He kept telling me the other girls he dated were crazy and money hungry since he was an mma fighter but he quit fighting for awhile, until he met me and told me I am normal and not like the other girls.    I pray everyday he will reach out to me.

     

    #402511
    Arie1276
    Participant

    Anita

    im still hurting deeply.  I’m down 11 pounds from not eating much.  I can barely think .  I work in the medical field and I’m finding it hard to concentrate on my job.   My co workers have noticed a change in me. I was once bright and bubbly. Now I’m a walking empty shell looking sad and not caring about anything anymore.   He really hurt me.  I can’t stop thinking about him and how much I want him to come back.  I can’t even get a hold of him.  His phone is shut off because my friend tried calling from her number and it went straight to voicemail on several different occasions.  He made a new Facebook account and it showed up on my feed.  I am not blocked from it.  I just want to reach out to him one last time.   If he didn’t live with me or we weren’t engaged or got “married” , it would have been easier I think.  I wake up hoping he would be beside me.
    His one friend who owns a Turkish restaurant invited me there soon to visit her and her husband.  But I feel I can’t go because we went there a lot. It would be too painful for me.
    I still can’t understand how he can just pick up and leave me like this without talking to me face to face like and adult and talking things through .   I keep wondering if he will ever come back to me or even misses me.  It just hurts .

    #402465
    Arie1276
    Participant

    Anita.
    You’re response did help me some.

    #402461
    Arie1276
    Participant

    Anita

    yes it’s true I can’t make this up even if I tried

     

    #402456
    Arie1276
    Participant

    I met him April 1 2022.  Then everything went quickly leading to the nikah marriage and then engaged and now him being gone.  We did the nikah 2 weeks after meeting because we both felt right about each other.  We were planning on getting legally married in august.  We were going to get our marriage license last Saturday.   We planned on going to New York in July.  And I almost got my passport so we can go visit his family in Azerbaijan next spring.   Now he’s gone. Now I don’t know what to do about our nikah ceremony we did.  Are we still married under Islamic law or not ?

    #402452
    Arie1276
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

    Im still not doing good.  I miss him terribly.  Everyday I wish he will unblock me and contact me and come back.   I dont understand how he can just walk out of my life like this.  He has been trying to date other women from what i heard since he left me and too me he sounds desperate.  I have lost 10 pounds in the past 2 weeks.  I have not been sleeping well or eating much. I  feel empty and my heart is very heavy and i feel kinda anxious.   I think its because we were in love and engaged .   But he chose his friends, family and his job over me because he didn’t like being “pushed” to come home to me when he was out late and his friends may have persuaded him into finding someone else.   I pray everyday for him to come back.  Im just an empty shell trying to survive.  This is the most hardest relationship i have ever had in my entire adult life to try to get over.   i just dont know what to do anymore.

    #402323
    Arie1276
    Participant

    Hi Pink24,

    He is from Azerbaijan.  He moved here 5 years ago on a sports visa.  We met on facebook dating. I am an american.  We dated for 2-3 weeks and had a Nikah ceremony.  He loved me dearly.  He worked long hours trying to help provide for us. I work full time also.  My family loved him.   And he loved my family.  He talked about us going to his country to visit next year so i could meet his family.  I met his family via face time. And they absolutely loved me and could not wait to meet me.   They told him they were happy he finally met someone normal and he absolutely adored and loved .   Things were going great until recently.   His mom fell ill.  Needs surgery.  Family kept calling and fighting with him to come back or send money over for her surgery.  He just started getting distant and not coming home til late and we argued about him coming home late several times.   Then that Thursday morning he left me while i was at work .  He no longer wants any form of contact with me and now has blocked me on every social media platform we both were on, including texting and whatsapp, and fb messenger.   I am and still in complete shock.   I had a conversation with his one friend who is married to his friend.  We became close.   She told me she thinks it was not his family telling him that they did not like me and did not approve.  She strongly feels it was his friends.

    He tried to subject me to his culture. Which i loved.  I loved learning about him and his family and his culture.  I loved it.  I learned their dance and everything.  Except I did not convert to muslim.

    What are the womens expectations?  I was there for him , I cooked for him, we did things together even with my family and his friends.   He made me happy except when he would come home late and he would tell me he was with friends earlier in the day. The night before I expressed how i felt he was treating me and i had every right to be upset and felt that i was forgotten about , and how he was putting me last and not a priority and that actions spoke louder than words. Well he didnt’ like what i said.  I felt maybe if i didn’t lash out at him and tried to be more supportive he would have stayed.   I dont know.

    I have a serious question tho.  Our nikah ceremony -we were give a written paper with wittneses signatures on it including ours and the date.  I had it on my fridge and he took it.   Are we still married?  And how does that work since we are no longer together.   Do i need to do anything?  Technically we are still married?

     

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 35 total)