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Arie1276

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Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 27 total)
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  • #402608
    Arie1276
    Participant

    Anita

    I am starting to feel a little better.  Not much.  I just can’t stop thinking about him.  I feel so empty and my heart is still so heavy .  I am grieving .  I have no interest in doing anything .  I go with my friends and i cant even get myself to enjoy my time with them.  All I do is thing about him.    I know this is wrong but my friend tried to call him for me while i was in her presence on her phone….it went directly to voicemail.  We tried for several hours.  Still went to voicemail.  His phone has been shut off or else it would have rang. If he changed his number it would have said number no longer in service.  I just wanted to talk to him so bad.   I still believe it was his friends that convinced him to leave me.  If they told him to come back to me , i think he would.   I re read the last text he wrote. I feel it wasn’t him talking  His texts are broken english.  The texts he sent were not broken english.  I believe it was his so called “cousin” talking. Not him.   I miss him badly.   I can’t even go to the places we went to.  It hurts too much still.   I dont’ think he realized how much pain he has caused when he left.   So many things remind me of him and us.  I can’t even delete our pictures off facebook and instagram.     I want closure. I want answers.  I know he didn’t want this.  When i spoke to his friend who owns the restaurant we went to alot, she said the week before all he talked about was how much he loved me and how much he wanted to marry me, and how he wanted us to get married at her restaurant and have our dinner party there.   Im still so confused.   People and friends tell me to move on and get over it.  How can you just move on and get over it?   They don’t understand.   My one friend suggested to pay a visit to his friend who owns the restaurant and sit and talk with her.  I may do that at some point. She told me i am welcome there anytime.

    I have read about anxious attachment.  I know i have it.   I read about avoidment attachment too. Which he has too.

    The other day, my friend tried to fix me up on a blind date.  I simply excused myself and walked out.  I am not ready and I can’t date and use these men as bandaids.  It would not be fair.   I need to be alone.  I still want to get my passport and take a long trip to clear my head, but i have noone to go with me.

    This is so painful and feels like my insides have been ripped out.   Its a nightmare!  Maybe one day he will realize what he did and realize the grass isn’t always greener on the other side and come back.  He kept telling me the other girls he dated were crazy and money hungry since he was an mma fighter but he quit fighting for awhile, until he met me and told me I am normal and not like the other girls.    I pray everyday he will reach out to me.

     

    #402511
    Arie1276
    Participant

    Anita

    im still hurting deeply.  I’m down 11 pounds from not eating much.  I can barely think .  I work in the medical field and I’m finding it hard to concentrate on my job.   My co workers have noticed a change in me. I was once bright and bubbly. Now I’m a walking empty shell looking sad and not caring about anything anymore.   He really hurt me.  I can’t stop thinking about him and how much I want him to come back.  I can’t even get a hold of him.  His phone is shut off because my friend tried calling from her number and it went straight to voicemail on several different occasions.  He made a new Facebook account and it showed up on my feed.  I am not blocked from it.  I just want to reach out to him one last time.   If he didn’t live with me or we weren’t engaged or got “married” , it would have been easier I think.  I wake up hoping he would be beside me.
    His one friend who owns a Turkish restaurant invited me there soon to visit her and her husband.  But I feel I can’t go because we went there a lot. It would be too painful for me.
    I still can’t understand how he can just pick up and leave me like this without talking to me face to face like and adult and talking things through .   I keep wondering if he will ever come back to me or even misses me.  It just hurts .

    #402465
    Arie1276
    Participant

    Anita.
    You’re response did help me some.

    #402461
    Arie1276
    Participant

    Anita

    yes it’s true I can’t make this up even if I tried

     

    #402456
    Arie1276
    Participant

    I met him April 1 2022.  Then everything went quickly leading to the nikah marriage and then engaged and now him being gone.  We did the nikah 2 weeks after meeting because we both felt right about each other.  We were planning on getting legally married in august.  We were going to get our marriage license last Saturday.   We planned on going to New York in July.  And I almost got my passport so we can go visit his family in Azerbaijan next spring.   Now he’s gone. Now I don’t know what to do about our nikah ceremony we did.  Are we still married under Islamic law or not ?

    #402452
    Arie1276
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

    Im still not doing good.  I miss him terribly.  Everyday I wish he will unblock me and contact me and come back.   I dont understand how he can just walk out of my life like this.  He has been trying to date other women from what i heard since he left me and too me he sounds desperate.  I have lost 10 pounds in the past 2 weeks.  I have not been sleeping well or eating much. I  feel empty and my heart is very heavy and i feel kinda anxious.   I think its because we were in love and engaged .   But he chose his friends, family and his job over me because he didn’t like being “pushed” to come home to me when he was out late and his friends may have persuaded him into finding someone else.   I pray everyday for him to come back.  Im just an empty shell trying to survive.  This is the most hardest relationship i have ever had in my entire adult life to try to get over.   i just dont know what to do anymore.

    #402323
    Arie1276
    Participant

    Hi Pink24,

    He is from Azerbaijan.  He moved here 5 years ago on a sports visa.  We met on facebook dating. I am an american.  We dated for 2-3 weeks and had a Nikah ceremony.  He loved me dearly.  He worked long hours trying to help provide for us. I work full time also.  My family loved him.   And he loved my family.  He talked about us going to his country to visit next year so i could meet his family.  I met his family via face time. And they absolutely loved me and could not wait to meet me.   They told him they were happy he finally met someone normal and he absolutely adored and loved .   Things were going great until recently.   His mom fell ill.  Needs surgery.  Family kept calling and fighting with him to come back or send money over for her surgery.  He just started getting distant and not coming home til late and we argued about him coming home late several times.   Then that Thursday morning he left me while i was at work .  He no longer wants any form of contact with me and now has blocked me on every social media platform we both were on, including texting and whatsapp, and fb messenger.   I am and still in complete shock.   I had a conversation with his one friend who is married to his friend.  We became close.   She told me she thinks it was not his family telling him that they did not like me and did not approve.  She strongly feels it was his friends.

    He tried to subject me to his culture. Which i loved.  I loved learning about him and his family and his culture.  I loved it.  I learned their dance and everything.  Except I did not convert to muslim.

    What are the womens expectations?  I was there for him , I cooked for him, we did things together even with my family and his friends.   He made me happy except when he would come home late and he would tell me he was with friends earlier in the day. The night before I expressed how i felt he was treating me and i had every right to be upset and felt that i was forgotten about , and how he was putting me last and not a priority and that actions spoke louder than words. Well he didnt’ like what i said.  I felt maybe if i didn’t lash out at him and tried to be more supportive he would have stayed.   I dont know.

    I have a serious question tho.  Our nikah ceremony -we were give a written paper with wittneses signatures on it including ours and the date.  I had it on my fridge and he took it.   Are we still married?  And how does that work since we are no longer together.   Do i need to do anything?  Technically we are still married?

     

    #402027
    Arie1276
    Participant

    Anita

    He left me.  Yesterday morning everything seemed fine when I was leaving for work. He was still asleep.  We kissed and hugged them I left for work.  I texted him when I got to work good morning and I love you.  2 hours went by. No response. He is usually good at responding.  So I called him.  He was at Starbucks getting a coffee and told me he would call me back.  I said ok I love you.  He  didn’t even say it back and hung up on me.  Then later he texted me Hi can you talk.  I said sure babe. He was at his cousins house.  He texted me he couldn’t live with me any more. My heart stopped.   I got all sweaty and hot.   I called him. He said he couldn’t be with me anymore.   He told me to keep my engagement ring.  He packed all his stuff up and left me.   His cousin told me when we got married through Islam (nikah) I refused to convert.  He is from Azerbaijan.   His cousin proceeded to tell me I treated him like a child which isn’t true.   The cousin proceeded to tell me that he wanted kids and since we were 17 years apart I can’t risk a pregnancy. I’m 48 and he’s 31.  He told me in the beginning age didn’t matter and he did not want kids at all .   And now his cousin told me he wants kids and his family over seas do not approve of us being together and he wants a family.  Cousin said he tried to tell me that but said I didn’t understand.   I told the cousin that I was not aware I had to convert and he told me I didn’t have to.   Cousin said that he isn’t used to someone like me being pushy and standing up for myself against an Azerbaijan man. They like to provide for their family and are not used to women like me .   He said he loves me but he wants more than just love.   I told his cousin he told me he didn’t care what anyone said about us as long as we were happy with each other and if wanted to get married we can.   He wouldn’t even talk to me.  He said he wants nothing to do with me and for me not to text or call him .   I told his cousin to please talk to him and that we need to work this ouT.  We were engaged!!!!!  I am so hurt !    I don’t understand how he could do this to me.   I tried calling and texting and I am blocked. He unfriended me on face book and changed his status to single.  I feel some of this is my fault.  I was upset with him about his job and him being with his friends more than me.  He is living at his cousins house. I have no way of contact him or his cousin.  His friend reached out to me and asked me if I was ok I said no. I explained everything and she said her and her husband will talk to him.  Sue tried to call him but he wouldn’t answer her call either.   I don’t understand how he can do this to me .  We were going to get married.  He was so happy. He said I was his everything and his first real relationship.  He said he never was in a serious relationship like this.  He was so happy with me.  I don’t understand.   I’m  devastated.   I miss him and want him back. I sent him a lengthy message on instagram but I don’t know if he saw it .   I love him so much.  I just want him back.

    #401966
    Arie1276
    Participant

    Anita,

    no. This is a different man.  This relationship is it for me.  I know it seems like I jump from relationship to relationship quickly.  But … this man is my true soulmate.  I was not expecting anything quite like this.   Compared to all the  others.  I do appreciate your tough love and advice .   It’s hard for me  at times to read them cause they are so true.  I come here because I have no where else to turn to and my family and friends don’t seem to understand.

    Right now I am having a hard time .   He seems quite distant   His mom is ill  His family keeps bothering him.   He works long hours   We barely see each other   Leaving me here home alone . He doesn’t know when to come home at times .  Like tonight for example   He told me earlier he was going fishing with his friend   Which he did and sent me pics   That was 2pm  it is now 9pm  and he is on his way home   He had to drop his friend off at home   When he does come home it’s only maybe an hour or 2 we spend with each other then we go to bed   I cry every day  .   I’m not happy to be honest   This isn’t a relationship to me    And he seems to put me last instead of making me a priority.   We talked about it several times and nothing has changed .   We are engaged .  We do love each other very much  and ge tells me that I’m his love and his everything.   I’m beginning not to even believe him anymore   All I want from him is his time.  I don’t ask for much

     

    #396497
    Arie1276
    Participant

    Honey Blossom

    i highly doubt she will be at any functions,

    #396375
    Arie1276
    Participant

    Honey Blossom

    yes you are right. I don’t owe her anything.  If anything she owes me and apology. She still has not reached out to me because I feel that she knows what she did and is afraid to talk to me.

    #396341
    Arie1276
    Participant

    HoneyBlossom

    She never got in his phone because they actually met the first time that night.  He had drove to her house to pick her up.  So it was a first date for both of them. So not sure how she knew .  I know most I phones have a feature where you can share your location to the other person or to your friends.  And yes i agree it is stalking either way you look at it.

    I am distancing myself from them.  This situation is hard because they are all like family to me since we are or were very close.  She is always there at every family gathering along with her parents and her daughter.

     

    #395177
    Arie1276
    Participant

    Thank you all so much for your concerns and advice.  I need to open up my eyes as i have been turning a blind eye and seem to have deaf ears and listen to what everyone is saying.  It is difficult to do.   I need to work on myself and heal my mind,body, and soul.   If he comes back …great, if not….i will have to accept that and move on.

    #395073
    Arie1276
    Participant

    Helcat

    Do i have a fear of being single?  Yes and no.  Yes because all my friends are either married or have boyfriends .   I don’t like to be alone.  I have family and my children but it’s not the same.

    As for dating :    Dating sucks.  I get told I’m so pretty and sexy and have a wonderful personality and very smart.  I always ask if age matters and they say no why would it  .  I also get told I look way younger than I am.  A lot of men in their 30’s tell me they like older women vs younger.  Then when I do find someone and we hit it off , after few months or so they slap me in the face and decide they don’t want a relationship or whatever their excuse may be. They tell me I’m such a good person .  Well if I’m all of these….. then what is the problem?  Why can’t they just commit if I’m such a good fit for some of them?  I am not fake , not that high maintenance, I am not like other women and I’ve been told that too.  And I’ve been told it’s not me , it’s them.  What is their problem?   And yes I’ve dated men my age and I swear some are worse then the younger ones.
    So yeah ….. dating sucks at times and I just wish I can just find someone who will just stay and wants an actual real relationship.

    #394916
    Arie1276
    Participant

    update:   this was our conversation.  It is quite lengthy and I need guidance.  I am  so heart broken over this.

    So this morning i texted him.  I said my usual good morning and hope you are having a great day. Then he didn’t respond.  I then texted him  How are you doing today.  He replied : Annoyed and depressed.  I asked “why are you annoyed and annoyed about what sweetie”.  He replied “I just wanna be left alone” I asked him “what do you mean by left alone”  He said “just left alone”.  I asked him if I annoyed him.  He said “by everyone”.   I replied “I care that’s why I text you”.  Then he said “Its probably best you find someone else”.  ME: I don’t want anyone else.  I refuse to give up on you”  HIM: Its over.  ME:  Don’t do this, we can get through this, you told me you loved me, that  i was the best thing to come into your life, you would never hurt me or break my  heart, wanted a future with me.  HIM:  I can’t  ME: I don’t understand how you can just give up on us so easily on a a great person who loves you, stand by you during your ups and downs, has your back, support you, willing to have a future with you, willing to be with you regardless of your depression and your other issues.  We both made each other very happy.  Please think about this and don’t let me go or us go “.  HIM:  its better for us both trust me    ME:  why do you say that, is there someone else, will you ever come back to me?   HIM:  I wanna be alone   I asked him if he would ever date me again.  He said in a relationship no and wants to be alone.  Then he changed his mind and said he has no idea and best thing is to see other people and I told him I understood that and I only want him .  He said he doesn’t think he wants a monogamous relationship.  I was bawling my eyes out like a darn baby.   IT hurt so bad to hear that coming from him.  I feel like an empty shell.  I told him not to forgive up on me, and he told me it wasn’t me and how our conversation was stressing him out and its the last thing he needs.  I told him I loved him and always will and we agreed to be friends for now and we will see about hanging out.  He said he’s just not meant to be monogamous.  Then i said ” OK fine.  Someday you will look back on us and will realize you let a great person like me go.  You will miss me and you will think you don’t  now, but you will miss me as I will miss you terribly. But we can be friends and I’m  ok with that.  I love you.  Have a great Day!”   No reply back.  I have not texted or called him since.  Does he even realize what he has done?  This has to be hurting him too.   I still can’t wrap my head around all this and what happened. I blame his mom. Something triggered his depression after that horrible morning/day .   I love him and wish none of this happened and I wish he will get his head straight and realize what he has done to me and our relationship.

     

     

     

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 27 total)