update

Anita,

Since my last post a lot has happened.   Within the past months, my ex the one who left me moved to florida.  Well he came back.  We reunited on August 19th, 2022.  He told me he came back for me.  He couldn’t stop thinking about me because had too many memories with me and no matter how hard he tried to forget me .  He couldn’t.   So, that same day we both never wanted to be apart . We got our marriage license and we on Sept. 6th, 2022 in front of a judge.   He apologized for everything.  We found an apartment closer to the city and moved in together.   We set a wedding dinner date 20 days later with all his friends and my family at a nice restaurant.   Now here is  or was a problem that i did not like.  The day of our dinner , we had to go to the air port to pick up a friend of his.  He had failed to tell me that his friend was a she and that they had been friends for a few years.   I did not like this.  She lives in another state.   She seemed nice. She is divorced and has several kids.   So we were kind enough to set her up in a hotel for the night and take her back to the airport the following morning.   My husband failed to tell me that he asked her to come and help with the dinner .    We arrived at the restaurant that evening.   Everything seemed fine.   Guests were arriviing, food was being served.  But here is when the problems started.   My  husband never hardly sat down.  He was too concerned about the food being brought out, which i understood.  But that was not the problem.   The problem was his friend.   She kept following him around like a little lost puppy.   I was by that point getting irritated.  In his culture i guess the groom stands outside greeting guests.   So i kept going outside and telling him to come in. She was out there too greeting guests.  Few of his male friends were out there and they were all talking.  I asked why is everyone out here when you should all be inside.  She said it is custom for the groom to greet the guests.  I said well shouldn’t I have been informed by all of this?  She said my husband should have told me.  I said well you all need to come inside because thats where our guests are.  Then i turned to her and right infront of his friends outside I said ” Who do you think you are standing out here with my husband when i should be here? Who’s wedding dinner is this?  Your’s or mine sweetheart?   I suggest you go inside and sit and mind your own business and let me and my husband handle everything. NOT YOU!”   His friends mouths dropped and he said ok lets go inside.   So she sat beside my mom and did not move the rest of the night.   I was fuming.   Then he went to check on the food and i followed.  My face was beat red.  He asked if everything is ok.  I said no.  I told him I do not like what just had happened and she needs to stay out of everything because right now I am so upset and could cry.  He said for me to calm down.  Then everything was ok after that.   We cut our cake, danced, took pictures and she stayed away.   The next morning we picked her up at the hotel and drove her back home to her state .   My husband and I got a hotel there in that state becuase we wanted to see some sites.    So we stopped at a rest stop and he got out.  It was just me and her in the car.  She puts her hand on my shoulder and said she and my husband are just friends and for me not to be jealous.  I said oh no im not jealous.  I just protect what is mine and for her to take her hand off my shoulder.  I told her I did not appreciate anything about what happened at our dinner.   So he got back in the car.  We drove and dropped her off at her place .   Then we left and went to our hotel .  We stayed for a few days sight seeing and had a nice time and came home.    Everything was and is still going great except for a few minor things.   We were out and about one day and she happened to call.  I heard the conversation.  She asked how he was and she has not talked to him in a while .  He told her he is out with me. She was asking him to help her find a place for her friend to live in our city.  Oh that rattled my nerves right there.   I said why is she calling and her asking you to help find a place for her friend is not your problem, thats their problem.  And when we got in the car i told him how i felt about her and how it made me feel.  I asked him to delete and block her from everything.  So when  we got home.  He handed me his phone and I did just that.  I deleted and blocked her from everything , including every social media and emails. I told him when i first met him i deleted all my male friend contacts becuase I want no drama period!  He agreed.

So few months passed.  I had access to his phone.   I went in one night while he was asleep and deleted all these old texts from women before me and blocked all of them and deleted their numbers.   He never noticed.    He has access to my phone and i hide nothing.  I know it was wrong for me to do that.    So things have been good .   Then he was accessing his phone in front of me and he changed his password.  I asked him why.  He said “too many ppl know it”  I looked at him with a puzzled look.  He never answered my question.   I told him not to hide anything from me.  He said he isn’t.   Then i found some texts on his apple watch in his language.  I can’t tell if the number is female or male.   I tried to translate, but some doesn’t make sense.    Am i being over dramatic ?  He tells me all the time he loves me and im his world and when we aren’t together he misses me.   Why do I feel the way I do?   Ive been so hurt and traumatized in the past from men ghosting me, cheating on me, etc and its effecting me even now that Im married to my husband.   Do I talk to him about how I feel?

Anita

Yes it was his female friend and my husband greeting guests outside before the wedding dinner.   It is custom for the bride and groom to greet the guests, not her.   I was not made aware until that very moment.  And yes it was crude and rude behavior on both of their parts.  If I would not have said anything , it would have continued.   Til this day it bothers me and  I am trying so hard to get past it.   I told him she didn’t respect our boundaries.  There are boundaries and when someone over steps them like she did, then  yes…..I had every right to lash out at her in front of his friends.   I might add, the look on their faces was priceless lol.

He values his friends.  Which I have no problem with because they are all male.   And I have met them all including their wives and girl friends, and their children.   He does not like to keep secrets, but I feel by him changing his passcode and an odd number and a text popped up which i tried to translate via google.  He can tell I am not myself lately because  of what i saw.

When he got his new phone , he failed to delete all his old ex’s.   So thats why i took it upon myself to do that without him knowing.

We do have a language barrier issue.  Sometimes he doesn’t understand what Im trying to tell him or vice versa.   He is very big on family.  Family is the most important thing in his life  along with his friends.     I know We dont’ talk enough.  When he asks me if Im ok.  I lie and tell him Im ok or Im good even when Im not.

Do I casually ask what that number was and who it belongs to?  Because when i get texts or if my phone rings he wants to know who it is and what they said.   Fair is fair.  Am I right or wrong?

Good evening Anita,

The language barrier isn’t severe.  He speaks English well.   Well enough for me to understand him and him understand me.   Its just when he speaks to his friends in his language.  As of today,  I am in the process of learning turkish online.   As for him participating in them talking about me, I have no clue.  He usually sits with the men and I with the women.   But the women don’t talk to me in english much.   So i usually sit there in silence.   But I think he will tell me if they talk about me.   Its just frustrating at time.s

It is so hard to put the past in the past and just concentrate on the present and look at the real time evidence. I am trying to put that all behind me.

He also drives people from point A to point B for a living. So he leaves when i do in the morning for work. Then he comes home in the afternoon and will sleep, eat dinner and then go back out to work and will work til usually late.  That is how he makes his money. In his culture the men provide for the family, so he works a lot.    I work full time during the day.  So i am home alone mostly in the evenings and on weekends in the evenings unless we are invited to meet friends or family or just go out .   It gets quite lonely.   I have family that is almost an hour away that I will visit few times a week.   I have no friends here where we live.   I mostly stay home when i come home from work.   It gets quite lonely and i cry a lot because I wish he had a different job where he came home at a normal time and didn’t work weekends.   He talks about going back to school for a different career path, but I don’t push the issue because he doesn’t like to be pushed.  I think he will figure it out eventually and do it on his own.   So…yes…it gets lonely.   He knows all this except he doesn’t know i cry or I wish he had a different job.  Some of his friends do the same type of job too and they have families.      Its just frustrating at times.