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fiance is from a foreign country

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Viewing 8 posts - 16 through 23 (of 23 total)
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  • #402461
    Arie1276
    Participant

    Anita

    yes it’s true I can’t make this up even if I tried

     

    #402462
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Arie1276:

    Incredible! Did my suggestion/ info in my last post help you any?

    anita

    #402465
    Arie1276
    Participant

    Anita.
    You’re response did help me some.

    #402472
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Arie1276:

    Thank you for letting me know that it helped you some. I know that you need much more help than this so to stop hurting. How are you functioning these days, work and all?

    anita

    #402511
    Arie1276
    Participant

    Anita

    im still hurting deeply.  I’m down 11 pounds from not eating much.  I can barely think .  I work in the medical field and I’m finding it hard to concentrate on my job.   My co workers have noticed a change in me. I was once bright and bubbly. Now I’m a walking empty shell looking sad and not caring about anything anymore.   He really hurt me.  I can’t stop thinking about him and how much I want him to come back.  I can’t even get a hold of him.  His phone is shut off because my friend tried calling from her number and it went straight to voicemail on several different occasions.  He made a new Facebook account and it showed up on my feed.  I am not blocked from it.  I just want to reach out to him one last time.   If he didn’t live with me or we weren’t engaged or got “married” , it would have been easier I think.  I wake up hoping he would be beside me.
    His one friend who owns a Turkish restaurant invited me there soon to visit her and her husband.  But I feel I can’t go because we went there a lot. It would be too painful for me.
    I still can’t understand how he can just pick up and leave me like this without talking to me face to face like and adult and talking things through .   I keep wondering if he will ever come back to me or even misses me.  It just hurts .

    #402514
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Arie1276:

    This is what happens when you form a strong emotional attachment to a person, and then that person is gone from your life: it hurts deeply; you lose your appetite, your ability to concentrate and think clearly, and to care about anything (“not caring about anything anymore”) except for one thing: wanting that person back (“I want him to come back”).

    On his part- if he formed an emotional attachment to you, his attachment weakened so much that he is now emotionally detached to you. In your second post 8 days ago (the day before he moved out), you wrote: “He seems quite distant… We barely see each other… I cry every day… We talked about it several times, and nothing has changed” –

    – he has been emotionally detaching from you for quite some time before he finally moved out. He seemed distant= detached, he preferred to spend his time elsewhere while still living with you, and then… he preferred to spend all his time away from you.

    Why am I mentioning the topic of emotional attachment (your current state of mind and heart) vs emotional detachment (his current state of mind and heart)? Because I am hoping that the difference will sink in and that you will become more willing to weaken your attachment to him and reciprocate his detachment.

    anita

    #402608
    Arie1276
    Participant

    Anita

    I am starting to feel a little better.  Not much.  I just can’t stop thinking about him.  I feel so empty and my heart is still so heavy .  I am grieving .  I have no interest in doing anything .  I go with my friends and i cant even get myself to enjoy my time with them.  All I do is thing about him.    I know this is wrong but my friend tried to call him for me while i was in her presence on her phone….it went directly to voicemail.  We tried for several hours.  Still went to voicemail.  His phone has been shut off or else it would have rang. If he changed his number it would have said number no longer in service.  I just wanted to talk to him so bad.   I still believe it was his friends that convinced him to leave me.  If they told him to come back to me , i think he would.   I re read the last text he wrote. I feel it wasn’t him talking  His texts are broken english.  The texts he sent were not broken english.  I believe it was his so called “cousin” talking. Not him.   I miss him badly.   I can’t even go to the places we went to.  It hurts too much still.   I dont’ think he realized how much pain he has caused when he left.   So many things remind me of him and us.  I can’t even delete our pictures off facebook and instagram.     I want closure. I want answers.  I know he didn’t want this.  When i spoke to his friend who owns the restaurant we went to alot, she said the week before all he talked about was how much he loved me and how much he wanted to marry me, and how he wanted us to get married at her restaurant and have our dinner party there.   Im still so confused.   People and friends tell me to move on and get over it.  How can you just move on and get over it?   They don’t understand.   My one friend suggested to pay a visit to his friend who owns the restaurant and sit and talk with her.  I may do that at some point. She told me i am welcome there anytime.

    I have read about anxious attachment.  I know i have it.   I read about avoidment attachment too. Which he has too.

    The other day, my friend tried to fix me up on a blind date.  I simply excused myself and walked out.  I am not ready and I can’t date and use these men as bandaids.  It would not be fair.   I need to be alone.  I still want to get my passport and take a long trip to clear my head, but i have noone to go with me.

    This is so painful and feels like my insides have been ripped out.   Its a nightmare!  Maybe one day he will realize what he did and realize the grass isn’t always greener on the other side and come back.  He kept telling me the other girls he dated were crazy and money hungry since he was an mma fighter but he quit fighting for awhile, until he met me and told me I am normal and not like the other girls.    I pray everyday he will reach out to me.

     

    #402609
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Arie1276:

    “I want closure. I want answers… When I spoke to his friend who owns the restaurant, we went to a lot, she said the week before all, he talked about was how much he loved me and how much he wanted to marry me… at her restaurant and have our dinner party there…. My one friend suggested to pay a visit to his friend who owns the restaurant and sit and talk with her.  I may do that at some point. She told me I am welcome there anytime” –

    – Maybe it’s a good idea to visit her because she told you that you are welcome there anytime and never told you otherwise, right? Maybe you will have your answers and closure if you observe how she reacts to seeing you and what she says to you. Why wait to do it “at some point”, why not today?

    anita

Viewing 8 posts - 16 through 23 (of 23 total)

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