Dear Joanna:

“The will to be the abusing and powerful is much stronger for them (both)“- the desire to be powerful, a craving, an emotional need.

“I know this story only because she told me this, no other source“- the stories they told us… fictional, when it comes to what they claim in regard to their motivations, to their reasons for doing or not doing this and that.

“I like that you mentioned the 3rd option, Anita. ‘Mutual Respect/ Shared Power‘ sounds good. I think I will be coming back to that thought in my mind“- and I will too, I will come back to this thought whenever I contemplate my interactions with people.

“I just remembered how she sometimes got text messages on her phone and she immediately looked at me with questioning, angry look, as if she wanted to ask ‘What again?’ (as if I sent it to bother her)“-they saw us as a nuisance at best (the inconvenience of having to keep us clean, clothed, etc.), as a villain at worst.

“We tell ourselves it’s not a big deal because otherwise it would break our hearts… or we get used to scary things and see them as normal, perhaps“- I know that my child-heart was broken. I remember how it felt, definitely broken. I think that we get as used to abuse as we can so to lower the overwhelm factor, so that our nervous system is the least damaged. An Ongoing Emotional Overwhelm (OEO) damages the nervous system, hence the early-life and onward combo of Tourette’s, OCD, Inattentive ADHD and learning difficulties, in my case.

* I was wondering, is there anyone in your genetically related family members who also exhibited tics?

“Thank you… I know it’s the thought that occurs, comes to my mind. Has nothing to do with me, and nothing to do with the other person“- you are welcome! Being able to make the distinction between what we think- feel is happening and what is really happening is a major factor in mental health!

anita