Dear Katrine

What vicious cycles you are in. The relationship or lack of it with a man/men you like.

The turbulent relationship with your sister/family.

Holding on to past hurts and grasping at unknown futures is like wrapping yourself in electrified barbed wire.

As you & your sister were growing up your parents did not have xray vision/omnipresent ( ie not seeing what was going on when they were not in the same room). So any nasty manipulative behaviour went unchecked.

It appears that with every encounter a whole train load of baggage comes with it (how tiring & anxious making).

If you gave up trying to right old wrongs and resolved that you will bring gentleness to each encounter and not dictate how its outcome should be then maybe life may not be so painful for you. I know this is much easier said than done but it is well worth the effort to not add new hurts onto the mountain of pain that is already there.

best wishes with all your future interactions