Dear Katrine,

one more thing. You said in your last but one post that you were surprised when I called your sister’s behavior abusive, but that it felt right:

It’s still weird hearing someone describe my sisters behaviour as abusive it’s definitly what I needed to hear because it makes it clear that I don’t deserve that type of behaviour. Not excussing her behaviour anymore with her being tired, or stressed, only then can you put down boundaries.

Yes, I think you’ve been excusing her behavior all this time because you believed she is sick and that her nasty behavior is the result of her illness.

In fact, you’ve been excusing her behavior because your parents told you to do so. They told you to please her and appease her because she is sick. And if you wouldn’t want to, they accused you of being the trouble maker. While she accused you of being selfish.

So you have been conditioned by your parents to excuse and tolerate your sister’s selfish and abusive behavior.  You weren’t given the right to defend yourself, and they haven’t defended you either. I think this is what happened. And not that you have a very sick, disabled sister, whom you’re not treating well. The latter is what your parents have been telling you, and what you’ve been telling yourself too. But it’s not true.

That’s why I think you should change how you see things. You should change the narrative, so that it fits reality. Only then can you truly start healing….