Dear Katrine,

Yes, I have made excusses for her behaviour over and over again but didn’t realiser it. My best friend kept telling me the same as you, she isn’t in that bad shape when she can live on her own and do all those things including treating other people nicely.

Okay, so then perhaps it’s true: that she isn’t as disabled as you think she is, and that maybe her treating you poorly wasn’t because of her illness, because of her being in horrible pain and frustrated all the time – but because she felt entitled to get whatever she wants. I am not saying she wasn’t in pain sometimes, but I guess she saw how easily she can manipulate both you and your parents with those tantrums, and so she simply used it as a means to get her way. Maybe not in the beginning, but as she got older.

The greatest victim in all of this this is you, because when it first started happening, when you were 7 years old, suddenly all of your parents’ attention went to your sister, and you remained neglected. Your needs suddenly became secondary to her needs. Your fears and anxiety were less important than her screaming. You were told to”just get over it”, while she was taken to doctors and medical checks.

It wasn’t easy for your parents either. It must have been scary to see their child in such pain and not to know what’s happening, so I understand them too. But they forgot that they have another child, a child who equally needs them and has problems of her own, problems that needs attending to. But unfortunately they were focused only on your sister and left you to cope alone.

And also, they have probably blamed you for wanting things for yourself. You had to please your sister, so she wouldn’t make a scene. And so you sort of became her hostage, right? Your and your parents’ life became consumed by catering to your sister, and she, as it seems, exploited the privileged status that she had. She expected all of you to do as she pleases.

Would you say that this is what happened? That this description fits reality?