Dear Farnaz:

“I don’t feel good right now…I think I’m catching a cold, I’m so drowsy“-  last time I felt sick, I noticed that it spiked my anxiety level and I felt drowsy more from anxiety than the cold or flu (whatever it was, I didn’t test or see a doctor). So, I told myself to relax and the drowsiness feeling lifted.

“I’m so sorry for both of us, that was message, we are not worthy of love and worthy of hate“- I feel sad for the two of us as well. And I add: we are worthy of love, for crying out loud!

“As always, I’m impressed by your analysis, you are exactly right“- it always makes me feel good to read that my thinking/ analysis is right (when it is) because it is the opposite of my mother’s distressing message to me, which was that my thinking was WRONG, WRONG and WRONG (it still makes me angry to have received this message so many, MANY times!

“In absence of a man, the woman should be feared, apparently, only when man is not present. I’m a strong believer that anybody needs someone to check on him/her in any age, I’m not saying (this) in controlling or demeaning ways, but it’s in the nature of human beings to do nasty stuff when they think there are no  consequences“- I agree, it is human nature to abuse power, a tendency, an inclination: on a “small” scale (within the family) and on a bigger scale.

“In dysfunctional families  there is no boundaries and the parents can come and go and say whatever they want and change their opinions whenever they want… they can insult you , gaslight you and projecting their own insecurities on you , they do it because of many reasons including they think you are their properties, and second one, in my opinion, they think there is no consequence for their behavior“- exactly, I thoroughly agree. It is worthy for me to copy and boldface this truth.

“She was cornering you as my dad did; if someone was here to protect us, they wouldn’t dare to do it, did they?“- no, they wouldn’t, and indeed no one was there to protect their (living-and-breathing) PROPERTY! (I am angry this morning, so it seems!)

“Regarding your last 2 paragraphs , first, I’m so sorry for your experience, I can feel you and relate to you. It’s so heartbreaking to be and to do everything for someone and seeing them devalue it and abuse our needs. I repeated that pattern over and over in my life, I idolize someone when they only think of me as doormat“- thank you. Some people understand only power, when it comes to changing their behaviors: my mother stopped hitting me only when I literally stopped her by holding her hands in mine with enough power to stop her from moving toward me. Prior to that, my expressed pain didn’t stop her, my resignation and submissiveness didn’t stop her.

“But don’t you think that also relates to the fact that we are their properties, we have nowhere to go, and there is no one to protect us AND we were so needy of their kindness, and so desperate to see their good side, that we would forgive them instantly AND THEY KNEW IT. They knew they could do whatever they want with us, but not with others“- yes, I agree with all of this.

“The others were people. We weren’t“- The others had Power. We didn’t.

I hope to read soon about how you are feeling, and I wonder if you over-exercised yesterday?

anita