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being surrounded with bitter people and lonliness

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  • #412161
    farnaz
    Participant

    dear Anita

     when all you can hear was the loud GOOOOOAAAAAAL and the cheering from TVs inside homes. When you entered a home, no one would notice you unless there is a break in the game i like the feeling, it makes a sense of unity between people and makes you forget about problems for a while , i used to be more in football when i was a teenage because i had a crush on players, mostly . lol .but i only watch national team matches now , i thought you would be interested because you have french root, and i was for France too but most iranian are Argentina fans.

    regarding all the politics bs , to be honest , i really dont want to talk about it , it makes me so depressed and helpless , actually i discovered when i think about money or politics , it means im sad or its the beginning of getting depressed , so i should change my routines to prevent it to get worse . i dont to be rude , ive just being honest . i hope you understand that . im sure we can find something to talk about which is interesting for both of us .

    Farnaz

    #412163
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Farnaz:

    Regarding all the politics bs, to be honest, I really don’t want to talk about it, it makes me so depressed and helpless, actually, I discovered when I think about money or politics, it means I’m sad or it’s the beginning of getting depressed… I don’t (want) to be rude, I’m just being honest. I hope you understand that“-

    of course I understand it. How rude it would be of me if I insisted on talking about topics that made you feel depressed and helpless!  I mean, it is minimal courtesy (and minimal love) to not knowingly cause or increase a person’s helplessness and depression! And yet, our parents did not bother with this MINIMAL courtesy, and minimal love.

    So, no, it is not rude of you to let me know how talking about money and politics makes you feel. It would be rude of me to not accept your truth and respect it. Not only will I not accuse you of being rude for rightfully asserting yourself, but I will thank you for doing so (thank you!) because it is not only respectful to you when you assert yourself, it is also respectful to me (I would hate the idea of me going onnd  aon about topics that upset you). So those two topics are OUT of our conversation.

    “I like the feeling, it makes a sense of unity between people and makes you forget about problems for a while… I’m sure we can find something to talk about which is interesting for both of us“- topics that unify would be fine.

    I thought you would be interested because you have French roots, and I was for France too but most Iranian are Argentina fans“- thing is, I don’t have French roots, I have Colonial French roots: my mother (Moroccan)  admired the Colonial French and their attitude that ethnic Moroccans are INFERIOR to them, and shared- and expressed- their attitude.  So I (half Moroccan, and no French genes) did not feel Moroccan or French: ashamed of the first, not qualified to be the second. Back to football: I felt nothing at all (except for some discomfort) when the Moroccan team got very close to winning the World Cup, and nothing at all about the French lost (no personal identity with the French at all).

    anita

    #412201
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Farnaz:

    I hope that the interview you had today was okay…?

    anita

    #412209
    farnaz
    Participant

    dear Anita

    sorry for not replying soon

    yes i had a presentation to day , that was ok , i need to correct some parts , the main reason to not replying was awful net connection , it showers  rain here , usually the net would slow down a lot . but its nice , i like the sound of rain , actually my city is famous of being rainy , its called city of rain but this fall we didn`t have a lot of rain .

    of course I understand it. How rude it would be of me if I insisted on talking about topics that made you feel depressed and helpless!  I mean, it is minimal courtesy (and minimal love) to not knowingly cause or increase a person’s helplessness and depression! And yet, our parents did not bother with this MINIMAL courtesy, and minimal love. thank you so much , your reply warmed my heart , xo xo .i `m glad i can be honest to you and i appreciate your understanding .

    actually i was thinking about good topics we can talk about , what do you think about telling our stories  of  successes  you had after the therapy and all works you have done to overcome your childhood experiences ?i don`t think that happens in one night but i mean the similar situations that happened to you but you reacted better than before and you realized you are no longer as affected by traumas you had endured in childhood ? you once told me about the moment you realized your mom is enjoying hurting you . do you have a similar experiences ?

    farnaz

    #412215
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Farnaz:

    You are welcome and virtual xoxo back to you! No need to apologize for your net connection. “I like the sound of rain“- I do too. One interesting thing about the sound of snow falling is that there is no sound, it is eerily silent.  It snowed enough here that I am stuck (I can’t drive/ be driven in the deep snow. I am living outside the city limits and therefore, there is no city-sponsored snow clearing service here… and there is way too much area to be cleared by people without heavy duty snow clearing machinery).

    It’s called the city of rain” – I imagine a Farnaz elegantly walking in the City of Rain…

    Actually I was thinking about good topics we can talk about, what do you think about telling our stories of  (the) successes  you had after the therapy… You once told me about the moment you realized your mom is enjoying hurting you. Do you have similar experiences?“-

    -I like the topic! I am not sure about the last question I quoted above.. do you mean: did I have other similar realizations in regard to my mother? If that’s the question, then yes, one was a few months ago, maybe half a year ago, I don’t remember. It think, the stark realization (and it is related to what you mentioned right above), that my mother didn’t love me. She told me that she loved me many times but it always felt wrong, uncomfortable.. incestuous, really. I mean, I never experienced motherly love, the love of a mother. Not that I remember. Whatever her emotions toward me, outside her anger.. it was not motherly. I have zero memory of feeling relaxed and comforted in her presence, NOT A SINGLE MOMENT!

    (It angers me, hence the big print).

    There is a saying: the proof is in the pudding, and in this context, it means that if my mother loved me, I would have felt loved, and there would have been some evidence of her love in my being.. but there is none.

    anita

     

    #412216
    Anonymous
    Guest

    * Does the above qualify as what you wanted to talk about?… please let me know. I am not sure and I don’t want to not accommodate your preferred topics.

    anita

    #412246
    farnaz
    Participant

    dear Anita

    your post made me laugh specially the part : I imagine a Farnaz elegantly walking in the City of Rain…LOL

    (I can’t drive/ be driven in the deep snow. I am living outside the city limits and therefore, there is no city-sponsored snow clearing service here… and there is way too much area to be cleared by people without heavy duty snow clearing machinery). that happens here too , i think it was ten years ago we had such a heavy snow that we couldnt move cars for one month , because we lived in a narrow street which wasnt assessable by cars . i like snow and i have no idea how that makes everywhere so silent , and the sky so red , at least here .

    * Does the above qualify as what you wanted to talk about?… please let me know. I am not sure and I don’t want to not accommodate your preferred topics. Yes   i like to hear from your experiences as much as you like to share i like the phrase There is a saying: the proof is in the pudding, and in this context, it means that if my mother loved me, I would have felt loved, and there would have been some evidence of her love in my being.. but there is none. this is so true and so sad , you couldnt realize that time because you were a child and you thought this is your fault that your mother behave lke this and i can imagine you thinking my mom doesnt love me , that would be so scary and how could you dare thinking like that based on standards of society mothers are always right . i read somewhere and i quote ^when you treat your kids badly they wouldnt stop loving you but they stop loving themselves . and i think that was brilliant  im wondering if something particulier happened to you that lead you to this realization ?

    farnaz

     

     

    #412260
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Farnaz:

    Your LOLs make me smile! I guess falling snow in the city is not silent, but away from the city, it insulate such noise as far away traffic that otherwise you could hear.

    You couldn’t realize that time because you were a child and you thought this is your fault that your mother behaved like this“- for a young child, there is no solid self vs mother. Instead, there is a nothingness of sorts, as far as content goes, a blank page (self) that is facing a mirror (mother). Whatever the mother expresses is written into the blank page. So, if the mother expresses hate toward the child, the child’s blank page has this written on it, in bold, black print: I am hateful, I am deserving of hate (others’ and my own)!

    based on standards of society, mothers are always right“- this standard of society (that mothers are always right) are based on the early societal need to maintain order in the home (for mothers to be effective in the disciplining of their children), so that the men will be free to go outside and do what needs to be done to maintain the home (hunt, fish, grow crops, chop wood, fight an occasional enemy, etc.).

    In my mother’s case, she knew she wasn’t right, in regard to me, but she didn’t mind it because she wasn’t aware of any consequence. Like she told me that one time (translated): I know that I am not right, but what are you going to do about it? You can’t go anywhere!

    I read somewhere and I quote ‘when you treat your kids badly they wouldn’t stop loving you, but they stop loving themselves’, and I think that was brilliant“- true, brilliantly said! When a parent treats the child badly, the child becomes desperate for love from the same source (the mistreating parent), and often, it becomes a lifelong, unsuccessful quest.

    In regard to the realization that my mother didn’t love me, you asked: “I’m wondering if something particularly happened to you that led you to this realization“- at one point on, I realized in a deeper sense of realizing, that throughout my life, in one way or another, I chased my mother for love (see the desperation I mentioned right above). I was not only willing to do ANYTHING and EVERYTHING for her, I actually did anything and everything I was capable of doing with her hoped-for benefit in mind.

    She was my Everything. And I realized, looking back, that I mistakenly believed that I was her everything (she told me so and… I needed to believe it). Replaying different scenes that I remember as a teenager and onward, I was able to clearly SEE that I was her LAST priority. I could see that she valued others while I was nothing to consider.  Example: before I said anything that she could hear, I thought to myself: how do I not hurt her by what I am thinking of saying, and how do I benefit her by what I say? She had no such consideration when she talked in my presence (to other people or to me).

    anita

    #412338
    farnaz
    Participant

    dear Anita

    i think even the city is more silent when its snowing , i dont know why , maybe snow the shield against noise ? i have no idea

    honestly i dont feel good right now , my thighs are sore because i did work out yesterday and it was hard and i think im catching a cold , i`m so drowsy .

     for a young child, there is no solid self vs mother. Instead, there is a nothingness of sorts, as far as content goes, a blank page (self) that is facing a mirror (mother). Whatever the mother expresses is written into the blank page. So, if the mother expresses hate toward the child, the child’s blank page has this written on it, in bold, black print: I am hateful, I am deserving of hate (others’ and my own)! how you can have an image when you are so small , you need your parents guidance and approval to feel safe , i`m so sorry for both of us , that was message , we are not worthy of love and worthy of hate .

    “based on standards of society, mothers are always right“- this standard of society (that mothers are always right) are based on the early societal need to maintain order in the home (for mothers to be effective in the disciplining of their children), so that the men will be free to go outside and do what needs to be done to maintain the home (hunt, fish, grow crops, chop wood, fight an occasional enemy, etc.). as always im impressed by your analysis , you are exactly right ,in absence of a man , the woman should be feared , apparently only when man is not present . im a strong believer that anybody needs someone to check on him/her in any age , im not saying in controlling or demeaning ways , but its in the nature of human human beings to do nasty stuff when they think there are no  consequences , usually in dysfunctional families  there is no boundaries and the parents can come and go and say whatever they want and change their opinions whenever they wanted and choose whatever benefits their purpose in that particular  time , they can insult you , gaslight you and projecting their own insecurities on you , they do it because of many reasons including they think you are their properties and second one in my opinion they think there is no consequence for their behavior know that I am not right, but what are you going to do about it? You can’t go anywhere! she was cornering you as my dad did if someone was here to protect us , they wouldn`t dare to do it , did they ? 

    regarding your last 2 paragraphs , first im so sorry for your experience , i can feel you and relate to you , its so heartbreaking to be and to do everything for someone and seeing them to devalue it and abuse our needs . i repeated that pattern over and over in my life , i idolize someone when they only think of me as doormat . but dont you think that also relates to the fact that we are their properties , we have nwhere to go and there is no one to protect us AND we were so needy of their kindness and so desparate to see their good side that we would forgive them instantly AND THEY KNEW IT . they knew they could do whatever they want with us but not with others . the others were people , WE werent .

    far

     

    #412344
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Farnaz:

    I don’t feel good right now…I think I’m catching a cold, I’m so drowsy“-  last time I felt sick, I noticed that it spiked my anxiety level and I felt drowsy more from anxiety than the cold or flu (whatever it was, I didn’t test or see a doctor). So, I told myself to relax and the drowsiness feeling lifted.

    I’m so sorry for both of us, that was message, we are not worthy of love and worthy of hate“- I feel sad for the two of us as well. And I add: we are worthy of love, for crying out loud!

    As always, I’m impressed by your analysis, you are exactly right“- it always makes me feel good to read that my thinking/ analysis is right (when it is) because it is the opposite of my mother’s distressing message to me, which was that my thinking was WRONG, WRONG and WRONG (it still makes me angry to have received this message so many, MANY times!

    In absence of a man, the woman should be feared, apparently, only when man is not present. I’m a strong believer that anybody needs someone to check on him/her in any age, I’m not saying (this) in controlling or demeaning ways, but it’s in the nature of human beings to do nasty stuff when they think there are no  consequences“- I agree, it is human nature to abuse power, a tendency, an inclination: on a “small” scale (within the family) and on a bigger scale.

    In dysfunctional families  there is no boundaries and the parents can come and go and say whatever they want and change their opinions whenever they want… they can insult you , gaslight you and projecting their own insecurities on you , they do it because of many reasons including they think you are their properties, and second one, in my opinion, they think there is no consequence for their behavior“- exactly, I thoroughly agree. It is worthy for me to copy and boldface this truth.

    She was cornering you as my dad did; if someone was here to protect us, they wouldn’t dare to do it, did they?“- no, they wouldn’t, and indeed no one was there to protect their (living-and-breathing) PROPERTY! (I am angry this morning, so it seems!)

    Regarding your last 2 paragraphs , first, I’m so sorry for your experience, I can feel you and relate to you. It’s so heartbreaking to be and to do everything for someone and seeing them devalue it and abuse our needs. I repeated that pattern over and over in my life, I idolize someone when they only think of me as doormat“- thank you. Some people understand only power, when it comes to changing their behaviors: my mother stopped hitting me only when I literally stopped her by holding her hands in mine with enough power to stop her from moving toward me. Prior to that, my expressed pain didn’t stop her, my resignation and submissiveness didn’t stop her.

    But don’t you think that also relates to the fact that we are their properties, we have nowhere to go, and there is no one to protect us AND we were so needy of their kindness, and so desperate to see their good side, that we would forgive them instantly AND THEY KNEW IT. They knew they could do whatever they want with us, but not with others“- yes, I agree with all of this.

    The others were people. We weren’t“- The others had Power. We didn’t.

    I hope to read soon about how you are feeling, and I wonder if you over-exercised yesterday?

    anita

    #412505
    farnaz
    Participant

    dear Anita

    the situation took for worse and i started to take an antibiotic , im better now . i dont know whats with me but i rarely get infected by viruses as cold but always with bacteria , i didnt catch covid during the pandemic either although i was in middle of it . but i`m not mad about it , lol .

    today is weekend here and i stayed at home just drinking tea , milk and something like soup but with more stuff , and so far i feel better , but i`m going to restroom every 5 minutes because of too much liquids , lol

     I feel sad for the two of us as well. And I add: we are worthy of love, for crying out loud :that a%% holes , screw them , of course , we are worthy of love , more than they do

    it always makes me feel good to read that my thinking/ analysis is right (when it is) because it is the opposite of my mother’s distressing message to me, which was that my thinking was WRONG, WRONG and WRONG  i know what do you mean , for most  people is very hard to see that others see through them , obviously for the one who wants to deceive you , others not so much , they dont have anything to hide anyway .  but its crucial for a narcissistic parent to devalue your point of vue if you trust your feeling , you wouldnt trust them , do you ?so the main point is make you feel crazy , thats a very dirty plan but essential for them to have a control on you , i personally dont dream to go back to those days when i believed them (specially my dad and his wife ) they were invading my privacy especially the wife and my dad was making excuses for her that was even worse her actions and when i said somethings he was like you are delusional what people would think about you if you say that to them , this is funny . no, they wouldn’t, and indeed no one was there to protect their (living-and-breathing) PROPERTY! (I am angry this morning, so it seems!) you have the right to be angry sometimes , but hopefully not living with it , that was so unfair . during past weeks i heard from some  people around me that my step mom was talking bad about me , because i didnt reply her calls and agree to meet her in my new place , let alone having her invited to live with me for a while , i got very angry , not because her bad words but for her delusion and grandiosity that her think im responsible for her loneliness and fear of darkness and whatever , im puzzled from all the people she has a relationship , im the one whom she expects to care about her , me , the one she enjoyed abusing and turn my father against me , i felt like even this women thinks im her property because once my  father protected her to make my life miserable , what the hell . is there something wrong with me that let her believe she could stay in my life and somehow upset me , because its her biggest joy ? Some people understand only power, when it comes to changing their behaviors: my mother stopped hitting me only when I literally stopped her by holding her hands in mine with enough power to stop her from moving toward me. Prior to that, my expressed pain didn’t stop her, my resignation and submissiveness didn’t stop her.  i think the latter would encourage her to hurt you even more , im glad you overpower her some people never get to do it.  The others had Power. We didn’t. very well said but it`s sad , the parents are the one who have to raise you an strong one not abuse their power .

    I wonder if you over-exercised yesterday i could barely walk yesterday , lol and yet i did walk , it was nt joyful and made me more sick , well mistakes were made . i hope you are doing ok , actually i had a fruitful day despite being at home . i think its holiday season inUS and most countries , do you celebrate  Hanukah?  sorry i dont know anything about it but i guess its around this time of the year .

    far

    #412517
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Farnaz:

    As I was reading the beginning of your post, about being sick with a bacterial infection, with two lol-s, it occurred to me: my mother would have never, ever.. never-ever-never-ever lol anything about her not feeling well. Instead of lol-s, there would be lots of woe-is-me, oh-how-terrible-is-my-life, poor me.. crying, wailing, complaining, accusing… oh, how I wished that I grew up with lol-s instead!

    Today is weekend here, and I stayed at home just drinking tea, milk and something like soup but with more stuff“- I like the more stuff in a soup!

    a%% holes, screw them, of course we are worthy of love, more than they do“- I LOVE your attitude!

    It’s crucial for a narcissistic parent to devalue your point of view: if you trust your feeling, you wouldn’t trust them, would you? So the main point is to make you feel crazy, that’s a very dirty plan, but essential for them to have control over you“- very well said. It is a very dirty and a very cruel plan because feeling crazy, particularly when you are NOT crazy, is a very distressing feeling.

    My dad and his wife.. they were invading my privacy, especially the wife, and my dad was making excuses for her, that was even worse than her actions, and when I said something, he was like, you are delusional, what people would think about you if you say that to them“- a dirty plan, an invasion of privacy, and a betrayal by both: a parent (including a step parent) is supposed to be on the side of the child who is in their care, not on the side of “what people would think” (which is what the parent think).

    “During past weeks, I heard from some people around me that my step mom was talking about me because I didn’t reply to her calls and agreed to meet her in my new place, let alone having her invited to live with me for a while. I got very angry, not because her bad words, but for her delusion and grandiosity that she thinks I’m responsible for her loneliness and fear of darkness and whatever. I’m puzzled from all the people she has a relationship, I’m the one whom she expects to care about her, me, the one she enjoyed abusing, and turning my father against me. I felt like even this woman thinks I’m her property”-

    – I will borrow your expression earlier in your post (with a change of pronoun) because it is very fitting here: she is an a%% hole, screw her!  (Or maybe better say: she is an a%% hole, don’t let her screw you any more than she already did!)

    Is there something wrong with me that let her believe she could stay in my life and somehow upset me“- no, like we talked about, it’s a matter of power: she- as a step mother, and with your father not protecting you- abused her power before and she intends to continue to do the same. Only she doesn’t have power over you anymore.. unless you let her have power over you.

    I think it’s holiday season in U.S. and in most countries, do you celebrate Hanukah?“- no, not at all. I don’t celebrate any holiday, except perhaps Thanksgiving (which is not a religious holiday) by having the customary foods for that holiday. As far as Hanukah though, the celebration (when I was a child) consisted of jelly filled handmade doughnuts (aka donuts), served once a year (during Hanukah). When I arrived to the U.S. and observed the multitude of donut stores with dozens of kinds of donuts (industrially produced), served every single day, all year long, I was astonished: all these donuts? I used to buy a dozen after 12 pm (half price) and eat them all. Eventually, the magic of the donut was lost.

    I hope that you continue to recover this weekend! By the way, do you like donuts?

    anita

    #412522
    farnaz
    Participant

    dear Anita

    it`s always refreshing to see your posts , specially when you agree with me , lol .

    no, i mean when you say screw these people

     never-ever-never-ever lol anything about her not feeling well. Instead of lol-s, there would be lots of woe-is-me, oh-how-terrible-is-my-life, poor me.. crying, wailing, complaining, accusing thats not surprising for me at all my mom was basically looking forward for opportunity to play a victim and she enjoyed that and she was obviosly thinking herself as better and more important that us , for example if i said something that scared me to death and made me so stresssed ,like a near accident  I would die immediately  i wouldnt survive that  , as if it didnt matter if that happened to me or any other person and also its an excuse for them to be even nastier ,  and they can guilt trip you if you get upset.

     I like the more stuff in a soup! that was delicious , i ate for you too , lol ,

    I will borrow your expression earlier in your post (with a change of pronoun) because it is very fitting here: she is an a%% hole, screw her!  (Or maybe better say: she is an a%% hole, don’t let her screw you any more than she already did!) i totally agree with this paragraph and the next one you wrote in last post , she definitely misses her power , she doesnt know how she can reach me , when she married to my dad , from the beginning i believe she had a plan in her mind to make my life miserable , like cinderella's step mom , i guess , lol . but she was and still is so sneaky , she tried to cut my dad from me , then she tried to sabotage my education and my mental health , she does it by being passive agressive and do what ever that she knows she would piss me off , crazy making sneaky stuff ,  it was obvious that she wanted me as underdog who gets all the s^^^. screw her . i can imagine what she would say if she had a relationship with me or lives with me , in her dream of course, she would brag about her money which im not sure thats even there because ive never seen a rich person who says he is rich , she would brag about her brothers who live in us , about the car she is driving which was my dads , so its really  not hers and should be splitted after we sale it  and she would have no boundaries and invade every inch of my space and do all crazy making stuff .  in general she would brag about stuff she didnt actually achieve herself and frankly so petty . i dont mind about her bragging  but i do mind about the satisfaction she gets from it . so again screw her , let her say anythings she wants to say to drag me down in her eyes , nothing would change and she doesnt have the power anymore , and screw everyone who believes her , i dont need them 

     I used to buy a dozen after 12 pm (half price) and eat them all. Eventually, the magic of the donut was lost.

    I hope that you continue to recover this weekend! By the way, do you like donuts? unfortunately yes , you know i have a problem with food i tend to eat emotionally , i gained 12 kilos after a hellish summer in Iran , when i had serious problems with my dad and his wife , i couldnt get rid of my extra kilos for years ,until 2 years ago , im still dieting because if i let myself go  , i would gain weight immediately , i only eat sweets once a week and other days i eat dark chocolate   , but i love them , not particularly donut , all the sweets , actually i remember another fights with my dad , i cut contact with him for one year and when he saw me he said oohh you didnt get any more weight , he liked the effect he had on me i guess , screw him too , i admit i have the tendency to think he wasnt in fault and his wife would make the  life  hell , but he enjoyed it , he definitely did .

    i hope you enjoyed the thanksgiving though i believe it was 2 weeks ago?and i don`t think any one of childhood snacks which exist to these days , have the same taste maybe because they are industrially produced ?or there are too many shape and taste to choose from all the time ?

    hope to hear from you soon

    far

     

     

    #412526
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Farnaz:

    It will be a pleasure for me to agree with you at any time that I agree with you, and there’s been lots of pleasure so far!

    That’s not surprising for me at all, my mom was basically looking forward for an opportunity to play a victim, and she enjoyed that, and she obviously thinking herself as better and more important than us. For example, if I said something that scared me to death, and made me so stressed, like a near accident, (she’d say:) I would die immediately, I wouldn’t survive that, as if it didn’t matter if that happened to me or to any other person“-

    – Yes, only she (the mother) exists. There is no one else in the whole wide world but her, a victimized deity. She (the mother-deity) was born to have a superior, majestic life fitting her deity-ness, but alas: she received the short end of the stick… poor unacknowledged and mistreated deity!

    I ate (the soup) for you too, lol“- you must have left some in your plate because I am smelling and tasting it right now… delicious!

    I totally agree…  she definitely misses her power, she doesn’t know how she can reach me. When she (was) married to my dad, from the very beginning, I believe, she had a plan in her mind to make my life miserable, like Cinderella’s step mom, I guess, lol, but she was and still is so sneaky. She tried to cut my dad from me, then she tried to sabotage my education and mental health. She does it by being passive-aggressive… Screw her. I can imagine what she would say if she had a relationship with me or lives with me, in her dream of course. She would brag about her money… and she would have no boundaries and invade every inch of my space and do all crazy making stuff…  so again screw her, let her say anything she wants to say to drag me down in her eyes , nothing would change and she doesn’t have the power anymore, and screw everyone who believes her, I don’t need them“-

    – this is the Farnaz that I grew to like a whole lot: I don’t need them, screw them all!

    This step mother is like a teenager, 13, or 14, and an immature one, Stuck in a development age with a passive-aggressive, sneaky, gossipy, competitive and unintelligent personality, never to break free from it. I imagined for a moment being in your shoes, and this.. (not a lady) Lady Tremaine living with me, it wouldn’t have ended well, not for me and not for her… it’d be nightmare.

    I have a problem with food, I tend to eat emotionally, I gained 12 kilos after a hellish summer in Iran, when I had serious problems with my dad and his wife… I only eat sweets once a week and other days I eat dark chocolate“- talking about dark chocolate: for years I made my own very low calorie desserts-like using 100% dark chocolate cocoa powder (only 10 calories per tablespoon), adding the cocoa poweder as well as stevia/ monk fruit sugar (noncaloric natural sweeteners) to nonfat yogurt and such, no butter or oil added.

    Congrats for losing 12 kilos. I used to emotionally eat on a pretty regular basis (I didn’t get to the hungry stage, so emotions were usually my motivation to eat). I never had a weight problem until I was your age: I gained 20 kilos or so, but lost it since.

    I admit I have the tendency to think he wasn’t at fault, and his wife would make life hell, but he enjoyed it, he definitely did“- when children grow up with two people, and one is bad, we tend to see the other as the good one, it’s the dichotomy of how children think.

    Thanksgiving was a month ago, Nov 24 (I just googled it).

    There are too many shape and taste to choose from all the time?“- yes, true to donuts and to all foods (and true to all products) in the U.S.; don’t like it: I prefer way fewer choices because it’s easier to choose when you have fewer choices, and I don’t want to try e.x., all the many flavors of ice-cream and the many desserts.. too many calories and I don’t burn that many!

    anita

     

    #412570
    farnaz
    Participant

    dear Anita

    sorry for replying back so late , the week started as an storm here , i know this is weird because it is weekend and holiday for you , i prefer to write back tomorrow around noon , with more  peace of mind . i hope you had a good day .

    take care

    Far

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