Dear Farnaz:

As I was reading the beginning of your post, about being sick with a bacterial infection, with two lol-s, it occurred to me: my mother would have never, ever.. never-ever-never-ever lol anything about her not feeling well. Instead of lol-s, there would be lots of woe-is-me, oh-how-terrible-is-my-life, poor me.. crying, wailing, complaining, accusing… oh, how I wished that I grew up with lol-s instead!

“Today is weekend here, and I stayed at home just drinking tea, milk and something like soup but with more stuff“- I like the more stuff in a soup!

“a%% holes, screw them, of course we are worthy of love, more than they do“- I LOVE your attitude!

“It’s crucial for a narcissistic parent to devalue your point of view: if you trust your feeling, you wouldn’t trust them, would you? So the main point is to make you feel crazy, that’s a very dirty plan, but essential for them to have control over you“- very well said. It is a very dirty and a very cruel plan because feeling crazy, particularly when you are NOT crazy, is a very distressing feeling.

“My dad and his wife.. they were invading my privacy, especially the wife, and my dad was making excuses for her, that was even worse than her actions, and when I said something, he was like, you are delusional, what people would think about you if you say that to them“- a dirty plan, an invasion of privacy, and a betrayal by both: a parent (including a step parent) is supposed to be on the side of the child who is in their care, not on the side of “what people would think” (which is what the parent think).

“During past weeks, I heard from some people around me that my step mom was talking about me because I didn’t reply to her calls and agreed to meet her in my new place, let alone having her invited to live with me for a while. I got very angry, not because her bad words, but for her delusion and grandiosity that she thinks I’m responsible for her loneliness and fear of darkness and whatever. I’m puzzled from all the people she has a relationship, I’m the one whom she expects to care about her, me, the one she enjoyed abusing, and turning my father against me. I felt like even this woman thinks I’m her property”-

– I will borrow your expression earlier in your post (with a change of pronoun) because it is very fitting here: she is an a%% hole, screw her!  (Or maybe better say: she is an a%% hole, don’t let her screw you any more than she already did!)

“Is there something wrong with me that let her believe she could stay in my life and somehow upset me“- no, like we talked about, it’s a matter of power: she- as a step mother, and with your father not protecting you- abused her power before and she intends to continue to do the same. Only she doesn’t have power over you anymore.. unless you let her have power over you.

“I think it’s holiday season in U.S. and in most countries, do you celebrate Hanukah?“- no, not at all. I don’t celebrate any holiday, except perhaps Thanksgiving (which is not a religious holiday) by having the customary foods for that holiday. As far as Hanukah though, the celebration (when I was a child) consisted of jelly filled handmade doughnuts (aka donuts), served once a year (during Hanukah). When I arrived to the U.S. and observed the multitude of donut stores with dozens of kinds of donuts (industrially produced), served every single day, all year long, I was astonished: all these donuts? I used to buy a dozen after 12 pm (half price) and eat them all. Eventually, the magic of the donut was lost.

I hope that you continue to recover this weekend! By the way, do you like donuts?

anita