Dear Farnaz:

“Here (it) is cloudy as always“- we live in similar weather: rainy and cloudy a lot of the time here. As far as reading, coming to think about it, long ago, I did read a novel or two. And I used to watch TV shows, 48 hours was one of them.

“The case of Shillah Davallouh, who was an Iranian immigrant in US and she was going to kill her second victim but she was caught, I think she had the potential to become a serial killer“- reading… born in Iran in 1969.. educated.. found guilty of murder in 2012 (age 44) and sentenced to 50 years. She would be 110 when she is released from prison, if she lives that long..  not likely, of course. My goodness… I recognize a few of the other names you mentioned.

“I should admit I used to be very shallow too, I’m hopefully a lot deeper now“- of course you are deeper now, as deep as can be, I say!

“I was looking for meaning in things… I realized nothing would mater if I don’t have anything to offer.. the service you’re giving to others, and what you can do to make their lives better, that matters” – you substituted a deep value for things.

“I personally haven’t met a truly hardworking and helpful person who is arrogant. I haven’t seen a shallow person to be happy either“- same here. But then, I don’t know if I know of.. happy people. Sometimes happy, yes, but not on a regular, ongoing basis. Throughout childhood, we all get a fair amount of happiness squeezed out of us, is my experience.

“They comment about the appearance and how they look (fatter or thinner“- this is what I grew up, maybe even more than you did, heavy duty criticisms of how people look. It is embarrassing to even remember it!

“That’s the main problem. For a young child, trying to fix their parents feel so normal. But we aren’t equipped to do that, not even in adulthood, and these people wanted to drag us down…“- reading what you wrote here just reminded me that a couple of years ago, or so, I realized that all my life I wanted to help my mother, to make her live better and feel better, I was willing to try hard, to do anything.. and all along, I didn’t realize that she repeatedly helped herself to me: she made herself feel better by abusing me. So, I helped her after all, by.. being there, doing nothing (other than passively receiving her abuse).

 “US  is a very good countries for physicians, a lot of people recommend it, and i am always considering to go abroad, everyone is Iran is actually, let’s see“- how exciting, the idea that you might…!

“I try to defeat it every day. Screw it, I don’t need sugar to be happy, it doesn’t have power over me, lol“- this is the Farnaz Attitude that I love!!!

anita