dear Anita

happy 16th page , lol

thank you for infos regarding nursing and immigration , i`m definitely gonna search it more in future days .

 no, I was talking about another criminal, his name was Charles Manson. He had young people who followed him: not members of his biological family, but people who were called (in the news and in books) “The Family”. i heard about him and his Family who were consisted of young ,naive woman who killed sharon tate , roman polansky`s pregnant wife and her friends in their house very violently . he was certainly a very charismatic ,  twisted  and evil man . i think he is still alive .

i was watching an episode about a cult leader called keith raniere who claimed to be the most genious man in the world who manipulated lots of people , mainly women to follow him and convinced the women to have sex with him , whenever he wanted and make them believe this is for their own good , a then famous actress called Allison mack was his sidekick and he proceeded to brand these women with initial of his name and allisons name . the case was so infuriating, but make me wonder why always women are the main target , why its so compelling for these psychos to have so many young women who worship them to make them feel powerful , can`t they compete with another guy over power which is the most important thing in their life plus control , they seem to not dare to mess with other guys .

 she projected her feeling of being a Nothing into me, yes. But she didn’t perceive me to be a continuum, or a continuation of herself. In her mind, I was very much a Stranger, and too often, an enemy. she was an enemy to herself too , wasnt she ?not in conscious level . i truly believe she didnt like you because she didnt like herself , also you were more loving which i believe that shows courage and being a bigger person and that pissed her off , she didnt see it in herself and i think she realized you would eventually see through her and leave .

Their short-term benefit was simply to feel better at the moment, and that, they achieved. in my experience these people usually dont see the bigger picture and want the immediate satisfaction , its either because they are impulse or they just see a chance to screw you over so they take it and get the benefit , not realizing they broke the bridges and cant go back , amazingly they dont expect you to remember and not letting them to do it again , after all we are subhumans in their eyes . im glad for you because you freed yourself you owned it to you ( im not sure i`m grammatically correct).

yes, it is not joyful to be overpowered by another. The joy is in overpowering the other. yes according to these kind of people as you said in your post another day , they can`t have a win win relationship .

as far as understanding the psychology of our respective parents, it seems to me that you, like me, have been interested in dissecting and finding meaning in understanding them (and ourselves) better. im interested in analyzing it especially with some one who can understand it , but i dont want to dwell on it , asking the questions like why it happened ?why they were like that ?why it should happen to me , that just makes me angry and hopeless , i cant do anything about it .although i must admit in some instances i enjoy remembering moments that i stopped caring about person i used to care about , i mean who took me for granted and a fool , its painful to remember how much i cared for them and try to help them or be good to them but at the same time , its joyful to think im no longer their fool and it is a win for me and a loss for them . is it malicious to see it that way ?i honestly believe that i changed dramatically my behavior toward a person , i tolerated their behavior too many times but they do something awful the last time and thats it for me . i usually just cut with them and dont explain anything , i think its pointless in most of times to explain your self to THESE kind of people , i fewer occasions like the heartless heart doctor , i exploded (again , no regrets, lol), but im curios to hear your opinion about it , is it too cold to cut somebody who wronged you , all of sudden ?

far