Dear Ivy:

My therapist at the time taught me something that is called Distress Tolerance Skills. Learning these skills is just what you need, Ivy.

positive psychology. com/ distress tolerance skills: “Distress tolerance skills allow a person to survive an immediate emotional crisis without making it worse…  (to) accept the reality of the situation when they feel out of control…  (to) cope with their feelings when they don’t know exactly what they want or need at that moment…  These skills are often called ‘crisis survival skills‘ because they help a person navigate a (perceived or actual) crisis…

“Crisis survival skills are short-term coping strategies that help manage emotional pain to avoid destructive behavior…During a perceived or actual crisis, a person’s limbic system gets activated, and they become on high-alert.. It is difficult to practice adaptive coping techniques when a person is already in an agitated state of mind.. Using a distress tolerance skill can help a person lower the intensity of the emotional pain”.

Pause before you are about to do something impulsive and practice a distress tolerance skill/ crisis survival skill first. A distress tolerance skill can be something as simple as splashing cold water on your face. Other skills: focus on your physical senses and on your immediate environment (focus on what you can see, hear, touch), focus on and pace your breathing, distract yourself with music, exercise, a walk outside, etc. After you calm down enough, then think logically about the possible pros (positive consequences) and cons (negative consequences) of what you intend to do. You can read more about it on the website I quoted from.

anita