Dear anita,

Thank you for your honest opinion….

what makes you feel reassured is not good for her mental health because it is not only demanding, but terribly unfair to her to have to pretend to always feel the same: to always happily receive your texts and reply immediately, to always look and sound happy when she is around you,  especially if she ends up being around you a lot. It would be distressing and exhausting for her, and it will make her sick.

Anytime she reassures you, it will calm you temporarily, but sooner than later, you will need another reassurance; similar to what I mentioned to you before, in regard to your itches (obsessions or worries) needing to be scratched.

= No, its not that she has to pretend to always feel the same…. it’s just that she never asks how im doing or something like that…. i’ll always be the one asking her…. But if i think about it again, i should be grateful although she never asks about how im doing “this day or something like that”…. she’s not a person who likes to seeks attention

I used to have a crush on a girl who seeks attention a lot and it causes me to think a lot, but this one is different…. that is why im very grateful…. i should’ve look on the bigger picture…. that’s why im started to accept her personality….. This is my first time in relationships, so i need time to adapt and learn….

Also i never realize that “reassurance” from her is also an “itches”….. and thank you for reminding, that way i can control my mind to not have an addiction of being reassured…. just like how i minimize my mind to not get addicted of scratches….

I repeatedly suggested that you seek counseling/ psychotherapy or see a doctor for the purpose of healing and managing your “overthinking and insecurity” (your words, the title of this thread), but you refused to seek professional help. Most recently, I suggested that you get a workbook (The Attachment Theory Workbook, The Mindfulness Workbook For Anxiety), but you expressed no interest in it.

= I’ve tried watching several youtube videos regarding mindfulness for anxiety….. i guess i’ll try watching more videos…..

I used to also buy books on helping myself, such as self-improvement book, overthinking books…. but i always end up reading only a little part of it….. i guess i’ll have to change that habit and start reading it…

I really am sorry that you are suffering from overthinking and insecurity, I know how painful it is. But you are the one who is supposed to do something about it: to seek professional help or at the least, start your work in a self-help context (a workbook). It is not your girlfriend’s job to heal you (she can’t, no matter how hard she tries!), and it is not my job to heal you (I can’t no matter how hard I try…). It is your job, your responsibility. Otherwise, you will continue to suffer, and worse: you will cause your girlfriend to suffer unnecessarily.

= yes, it is indeed painful….

Thank you for reminding me that it is my responsibility to help myself…..

It’s just that i dont have an interactive environment, so i dont really have someone to seek advices from…. that’s why i feel happy that i can share here….. and i’m also trying to find ways to have an interactive environment for me, i used to complain a lot about my city, but some things have changed…. i’m quite happy in my workplace/office now…. and im starting to understand adulthood little by little……

I dont want her to suffer due to my overthinking, that’s why im trying my best to improve myself for her…. I know overthinking & insecurity is very hard to get rid of….. cause everyday there could be a new overthinking/insecurity that came….. I’m trying my best to not entertain those issues in my head……

One of the ways that i gain through experience that can distract overthinking/insecurity is by doing activities/something we are ok with….. that way it can fill our time to do/focus on something, instead of spending time thinking of issues/problems in our head…..

There’s actually something i’d like to share with you about my thoughts on this girl’s environment (one of her family members environment that relates to her), but im not sure if this is a “scratch” or not…. would you like to hear it?