Dear Eric:

This is in the response to your first post today: you are very welcome. I hope that indeed you do not expect her to pretend to always feel the same. About her not asking you questions and not telling you what kind of food she wants to eat, letting you decide: she doesn’t like to initiate/ to lead. But like you said yourself: better look at the bigger picture. In the bigger picture you like much of who she is, including that she does not seek attention.

No one can find a perfect partner, there is no such thing… so, in regard to this gem of a girl, look at the bigger picture and focus on what you do like about her.

“I never realize that ‘reassurance’ from her is also an ‘itch’….. and thank you for reminding, that way I can control my mind to not have an addiction to being reassured, just like how I minimize my mind to not get addicted of (other) scratches“- I am very happy to read this. You know how you worry so much that she will get bored with you? In my experience communicating with you, I was never bored with you, but I did get frustrated from reading about the same itches/ worries over and over.. and over again for 3.5 years. It feels crazy-making at times. So, if I was you, I’d do my best to not frustrate this gem of a girl (let’s call her Gem, to make it simple, okay?) by presenting her with your itches, wanting her to scratch them/ to reassure you.

Maybe, later on, when the two of you spend a lot of time together, you can talk about your excessive need for reassurance, and the two of you can agree that you ask for- and receive reassurance once a day, just one time every day, in a short, few-minutes exchange.

You wrote in regard to overthinking and feeling insecure: “yes, it is indeed painful“- I thought to myself earlier today before turning on the computer (or maybe it was yesterday): I imagine that people who know how Eric lives (not working hard, not working physically hard, living at home, being physically taken care of), they probably think that his life is easy and comfortable; they don’t know how not-at-all-easy and how very painful it is to worry and overthink and feel badly as much and as often as Eric feels.

“I know overthinking & insecurity is very hard to get rid of, cause everyday there could be a new overthinking/insecurity that came. I’m trying my best to not entertain those issues in my head…“- I agree and I am glad you see it too. You mentioned being busy with activities as a way to overthink less, and I agree. Another way to overthink less is to develop those distress tolerance skills that I mentioned earlier.

anita