Dear Katrine,

I am sorry about this new development and that it causes you so much pain. I say it’s for your own good that this guy rejected you – because I still believe he’s a very troubled person, unable to be in a healthy relationship. I know that reason is one thing, emotions are another, so it’s hard for you to not feel hurt. But at least, know that he is not a catch (except that he is good looking and knows how to charm women away) and that you wouldn’t be happy with someone who has alcohol and drug problems.

Well people called him a player because he would get super drunk and then fool around with women only to not want more from them but players don’t need alcohol to be wuth women. My colleague who just told that he and that girl are a thing goes out with him and x and y and she says he is charming and flirts around. Like her behaviour today gave it away but he was treating her the same way he acts around any other women, No nerves or anything.

Well, it seems he can be charming and flirting around both when he is drunk and when he isn’t. I don’t know if he is a player, who likes to see women fall for his charm but then reject them. Or he is a “clueless Adonis”, who is simply a magnet for women, but his intention is not to mislead them and make them fall for him.

As for his treatment of you, I am not sure but it seems to me that he did mislead you, because he showed interest in you, and then he backed off. And later, he had the nerve to stand near you at the office party, and not utter a word. It can’t be said he was clueless about his effect on you (he knew you had a crush on him), and yet, there he was, standing near you. I didn’t like that behavior and I told you so already. It felt manipulative.

This tells me that he indeed might be a player, i.e. that he has the need for girls to like him and desire him, but he doesn’t have an intention to be with them. I am not claiming this, since this guy is hard to read, but based on this incident, it could be the case.

Whatever it is, I am glad that he actually said No to you, because you would have been hurt. I know it hurts you now too, but you might have been much more hurt if you entered the relationship with him. I am almost sure about that…

Iyou are right. I take on too much resposibility for other people emotions and him being weird around me and if they are gonna be a couple then he should talk to me like a friend.

Yes, you’re not responsible for other people’s emotions. But also, don’t expect that he should talk to you like a friend. You can’t force him to talk to you like a friend if he for some reason feels anxious around you. So allow him to feel awkward around you. His awkwardness doesn’t say anything about you – it only says things about him. So if I were you, I wouldn’t expect anything from him.

Instead, I’d try to spend as little time as possible in his vicinity. Perhaps you can work in the opposite shift from him? If you end up getting triggered around him – specially now that he’s messing with this girl – the best would be to limit your exposure to him.