Dear Lily:

First, I will extract the main sentence in your post: “I suffer from anxiety and the fear that things are being hidden from me/ paranoia“. This is a condition of yours, a pre-existing condition to meeting him. So, let’s keep that in mind.

This pre-existing condition includes a strong obsessive element: it’s like a (mental) itch that you can’t ignore, isn’t it? It keeps itching you and you think that if only you scratch it this one time (i.e. receive an answer from him to this one question), it will stop itching. But when you receive an answer.. sooner than later, the itch returns, and you are compelled to ask yet another question, and another..

Before I continue, I need to ask: is the above how it feels to you?

anita