Dear Katrine,

good to hear from you!

All the cliches I’ve heard like if it’s meant to be it will be, always caused a lot of harm because that’s something outside of my control.

right…  well, there is some truth in “if it’s meant to be it will be”, because you cannot force love. BUT you’ve got to do your part in making it happen, e.g. not run away from the guy you like. So you’re right: do your part, do what is in your control, and then allow it happen, if the other party wants it too…

Start with what you were saying. Exposure therapy, trying to stay and not just run away.

I am glad you like it! Yes, I think this could be a good kind of exposure therapy because you would be doing it from a good place: a place of greater love for yourself and more self-confidence, knowing that there is nothing wrong with you and that there are many people who like you and appreciate your company. Also, I think you’ve realized that staying around the person is a sign of interest and affection, not a sign of clinginess and unhealthy neediness.

So, I think that you’ve managed to at least question those false beliefs that you’ve had about yourself, and you can now approach the whole dating things from a healthier place.

I talking about this has given me soo much perspective on my patterns,

I am so glad you’ve got a better perspective of your patterns, which will make it easier to start healing them. In fact, you’ve already started with the hostel guy – you did break the old unhealthy pattern of avoidance and withdrawal!

my mom send me a link to a therapist over here and she sounds really good. Been on tv and worked with Tony Robbins but I’ts really expensive so I have to save up.

Tony Robbins is mostly a coach, not a therapist, although his “interventions” can be quite powerful. But if the person you have in mind is a qualified therapist, and knows how to work with C-PTSD and narcissistic abuse, then sure, go ahead. I just wouldn’t want you to go to some celebrity therapist and spend a lot of money (say double or triple the regular fee), if there’s someone equally qualified but not so famous.

Weird thing that happened. My friend (the one the cute guy invited to his birthday but couldn’t remember his name) told me he wants to date me. Apparently everybody at work think we are dating, and he is interested.

Cool! How do you feel about him?

We have been working together (he’s a chef in the café) since June and he’s never flirted with me or anything like that. He also said that in his culture they don’t beat around the Bush and tell someone straight away, so that took me completly off guard.

Maybe he started seeing you with new eyes recently? Or maybe he didn’t flirt because he knew you had a crush on the other guy, so he stayed low key?