Dear Katrine,

I am sorry the situation is tough for your new guy and that he has to work another job, in addition to his 72-hr work week. I don’t know how it’s even physically possible? Couldn’t he just quit at the hostel, if he’s not planning to return to work there anyway? It’s a pity he couldn’t arrange to start a few weeks later at the new place 🙁

I understand you’re feeling uneasy with him being suddenly very rarely available and then leaving for a month. But it’s also good that you’re observing yourself and aren’t completely drawn into your defense mechanisms. Try to tell yourself that it’s really the difficult circumstances that make him unavailable, not that he doesn’t like you or wants to run away from you.

It’s the abandonment wound probably getting reactivated, so acknowledge that this is happening, but also keep telling yourself that it is only temporary and that the bond between you is real and strong. He was never playing games with you, he never fooled you or tricked you, he was always straightforward with you. He is a kind and sincere man, and he isn’t going to fool you now either. So try to have that rational part of you always “switched on” and telling yourself that he is a good, trustworthy man.

We will make most of the time we have before he leaves and hopefully he’ll only be gone for a month. time goes by fast and I know he will come back. He really needs to see his family and he’ll send me pictures.

This is good, positive thinking! I too hope you can spend some time together before he leaves, and that you stay in touch while he is in South America. He is going through a tough time right now, his father awaiting surgery, and I am sure he’ll appreciate your support and you being there for him (online) while he is away. So try to be supportive and not see it as abandonment, but as temporary separation, due to circumstances. But hopefully it won’t last long and you’ll be reunited soon enough! Have trust that it will be like that!