Dear Spriteflower

My heart goes out to you.  The trauma of your childhood is clearly impacting on your present life and I hope that you find a professional who can help you heal. Trauma sensitive yoga might help you become more relaxed and comfortable in your body.

You spent your early years feeling insecure as the people who should have been nurturing you were doing the exact opposite. So it is vital that you reconnect to your inner source of goodness which was not shown to you when you were young ,so you probably do not believe that it exists in you or in many other people. Personally I would try to find a therapy center/community where you could stay so that you could receive support to heal quickly (relatively) & deeply as my son said it normally takes 3/4 of a session  for him to get relaxed enough & then just at the end of a session start to unpack something & then he was just left hanging until his next session a fortnight later.

I hope that you will receive plenty of kindness & support from this site.