Dear John,

excellent! That’s fantastic that you think of yourself as accomplished (which you are) and not a loser. And that you’re aware of all of your good qualities. So the inner critic is not such a big problem then. One thing that comes to mind is something you said back in 2016:

Last night I tried to discuss my problems with my wife. I tried to explain to her about my deep emotional pain and turmoil and that the source is rooted in the abuse I have suffered and my overwhelming desire to escape from the anxiety. I explained to her again the deep traumas that her behaviors have inflicted upon me. I’m terrified of her, which is totally irrational. It’s like a poison in me. I just want to run away and never look back, which is clearly a result of our unhealthy and toxic relationship. I raised the subject in the hope of getting some agreement on what we should do next.

It’s as if I need her permission to leave and without that I will go nowhere. She holds the key to my brainwashing and it feels like she is the only one that can set me free from this prison without bars.

Needless to say she got very upset and at times was clearly angry with me. It turned into something of a lecture about herself and her issues totally unrelated to the relevant topic. She will not release me by giving me the permission that I need in order to be free. I wish she would throw me out on the street as I am at a loss as to how I can achieve what needs to be done.

It seems you’re looking for your wife’s permission to leave, which most likely she isn’t going to give you. Why do you think you need her permission? Without her permission, what do you feel inside, how to do you feel about yourself? (if you’d care to answer)