Dear TheltFactor,

you’re welcome!

I am glad things have progressed in a good direction since, and that he wants to be exclusive because he feels the deep bond as well. That’s great news!

The divorce is close, it has not been fully resolved because of finances, property sale, taxes etc. They share custody 50/50 and get along quite well, even tho both parties are very clear no reconciliation would ever happen. He speaks of her with respect and recognizes they simply were not a good match.

This is also good news that the divorce is coming soon and that they both see it as inevitable. It’s not something he/they are stalling and are uncertain about. I thought there is something unresolved between him and his wife, but it seems it’s really just practical/logistical and not to do with emotions.

What does non-committed but exclusive mean? I grew up in Europe and moved to North America as an adult years ago, some of these labels still escape me

Haha, I didn’t mean it as a label, I was just referring to the behavior. I think Stellardust explained it perfectly:

Compatibility without Commitment means having temporary mutual fun maybe even for a long, long time. It means enjoying those moments spent together. That’s all.

Commitment is the glue that holds two people together for the present and for the future. In good times and not so good times.

Some people can spend years, even decades, having a single partner, but living separately, wanting to have their freedom, wanting to only enjoy the good times together, but not really share too much in the bad times. I know a man who prefers not to be visited by his long-time girlfriend when he is sick or in a hospital. He’d rather not show himself in such a deprived state (he’s quite narcissistic btw). There is no depth in such a relationship, I believe. It stays superficial.

He is sure he wants to be committed and says he knows exactly why. We spoke about strategies to address feelings as they come and how to be honest with each other in the moment. So I will take it from there, we have plans for some trips in spring and summer. I’m glad I stood my ground and I still feel the same, I would have been ok either way.

I am really happy for you, Theltfactor. You really value yourself and are clear about your needs and preferences. And your boundaries. That’s fantastic. And I am happy that he is on board too, at least he expressed his willingness to try.

I do wish you all the best moving forward. Please post whenever you feel the need!