Hi Maida

I registered here just to write reply to you. I can relate 100% to your post. There are many similarities when I analyze my life  – no friends at least for last 10 years(as most of them dumped me due to mine of their own faults), no one had any interest in me ever since (only my husband is by my side), I have tried many times (local meet up groups, courses for interests, church etc), but I was unable to kindle anything. Besides, I always felt that even, if I orchestrate some get-together, – it was not satisfying, talks were superficial and somewhat shallow. I myself wanted something deeper and more meaningful, but could not nurture it or find it.

At one point of my life,  I thought that something must be really wrong with me, I became very critical and harsh on myself, always thinking that others are much better then me. Of course, how could it be any different, if they all have numerous friends, seem very happy (on the outside). I had read some self-help books – Dale Carnegie – “How to Win friends…” and other books.

Reading these books seemed like a very primitive solution to very complex human nature, even if it offered some know-how.

So, I had to reevaluate everything in my life and to prepare myself  for moving forward – friends or not. I had to learn to accept myself, to be gentler on myself, to try to understand better as why I act (or in-act) certain way. I had to forgive those that turned their back on me and to forgive myself for my own actions. It worked, I feel more at peace, even with no people around. I try to channel my energy into something positive – long walks in nature, nice gentle music, some spiritual readings, some online courses, some crafts.

There is wonderful book I can suggest – by Viktor Frankle – “Man’s search for meaning”. I found it very deep and profound.

I still have not made any progress bringing friends into my life, but I am more content now. My outlook started to shift to more half full glass vs half empty.

Hope you could turn your life around and one day have found a true joy or at least be at peace with yourself.