Dear Anna,

you are very welcome.

I am sorry your ex is giving you such a hard time. The fact that he threatened to sue you for something you said, and also that he acts superior pretending to wish you all the best – is a pretty clear indicator to me that he is narcissistic. Narcissistic people tend to threaten and seek revenge, and yet keep saying how good and caring they are, while you are the bad guy.

I am glad this was the last straw and you blocked him everywhere. But it seems he still has a big impact on you because you take his words seriously and you believe him, right? You say his email made you cry – and I can imagine he said some really nasty things and you took it to heart, right?

I am sorry he is torturing you like that. It seems he really ruined your self-esteem and made you doubt yourself. You can recover, Anna, but it’s important that you don’t believe his accusations! You are not a bad person, you’re not narcissistic (I guess he accused you of being narcissistic because you dared to express your own needs?). He is trying to put you down, so he can control you and have power over you. Narcissistic people need to feel better than others – that’s the only way they can feel good about themselves.

I understand it’s hard for you to face all of this alone, with your two good friends not really able to offer much help. You can post here and share your struggles, if you’d like. You don’t need to hold back. I’ll try to help.

Also, there are good youtube videos on narcissism. One of the most famous youtube experts on narcissism is Dr. Ramani – you can check her channel.

Another super helpful youtube channel is Crappy Childhood Fairy, with tons of videos on how to heal from childhood trauma aka complex PTSD. She has a good video on narcissism, titled Narcissistic Abuse: These Characteristics Make you Vulnerable. Maybe you’ll recognize yourself and your ex in the story she presents.

Please know that his abuse is NOT your fault and that you didn’t deserve it. And that you are not the bad person he is portraying to you to be! I hope you can accept it and start your recovery slowly from there… This should also give you a little more energy to get things going, little by little.

Hope to talk to you soon!