Dear EvFran,

I think that since her son is 21, perhaps some “tough love” would be appropriate: I think she shouldn’t be supporting him and paying for his escapades, but ask him to move out, if he’s not planning to continue his studies. That will force him to find work and get his act together. If she keeps bailing him out and tolerating his lifestyle, she will be enabling him and not helping him at all.

I understand that he might have a tough time due to his parents divorcing and possibly other issues from his childhood. But nevertheless, smoking weed all day and getting in trouble with the law is not the answer. I would also suggest that he starts attending therapy. If I were his mother, I would pay for his therapy, but I wouldn’t keep enabling his bad behavior and bailing him out.