Dear Dafne,

good to hear from you! It was raining all weekend here so not a perfect weather, but it was fine, thank you.

I could date more than 1 man but only in a platonic way. But how long a man can wait with a kiss or holding hands? I don’t think that very long. Also they always ask if I am seeing other men.

That’s normal that after a while a man who is serious will ask about exclusivity. That’s why I don’t like rotational dating, because according to Sami Wunder,  you shouldn’t be exclusive until the man puts a ring on your finger. Which is absurd because you’re forcing the guy to marry you without developing an emotional bond with him. It’s kind of a blackmail, I think, and more like a business deal, if you ask me.

My friend told me that the original concept comes from a lady named Rori Ray. I’ve checked her webpage and there are many women who have an anxious attachment style but found her concept helpful. There was 1 women who was romantically involved with a man that wasn’t ready for anything serious. She decided to also date 1 more man and now they are engaged. She did not tell the 1 man that she is dating around but kept her schedule busy. It might work for some people..

If I understood well, this concept was developed out of the need to protect women, so they wouldn’t jump into a sexual relationship without having a clear intention from the guy that they mean seriously. I can imagine that for women with anxious attachment, having more men to date takes off the pressure of one guy. Perhaps in the example you gave above, the woman became less clingy and more self-confident (and sort of “harder to get”), and that’s what made the guy decide to propose.

So I think it’s more about being more self-confident and less clingy, which could lead to becoming more desirable to men. Rotational dating is only one way to be more confident (or at least to seem confident because you have more options, so you are less clingy). But it’s not an optimal way, at least in my opinion.

I’ve also checked the coach that you know and I really like how she relates to women and their fears.

I will try to learn more about it. Thank you for this great recommendation!

You are welcome! Yes, she is really good. She goes to the core of the problem and helps women truly heal, rather than come up with superficial solutions (and honestly, I think rotational dating is one such superficial solution).

To be honest with you I was feeling a bit sad and depressed in the past days as the last man did not contact me again. He told me that we will be going outdoors but nothing happened. I’m trying to figure out why.

I am sorry you were feeling down. It seems this man is consistent with what he told you in the beginning: that he is not interested in dating you in public. I am afraid he still only wants you for sex, and since you told him you need more than that, he isn’t enthusiastic.

Maybe getting more romantic with him was a mistake and it was better to keep him as a friend till he is ready. Well, now is too late for that..

Well, you didn’t sleep with him, so that’s good. He doesn’t really want to be friends either – he told you he is afraid of women.  He only wanted cuddles. So… you better forget that he wants to be friends with you.

Tee, do you think I should reach out to him first?

No, absolutely not. Unless you want to go to his apartment again and expose yourself to his sexual advances.

Dating is so hard nowadays and leaves so many women heartbroken. I’m really feeling so confused with all the rules and playing games.

Yeah, it’s hard to play the game, it’s exhausting, and makes dating like a battle field – who will outsmart whom, what you should and shouldn’t say or do. But you know what – the best is to heal enough so you don’t need to play games.

If you heal and develop enough self-confidence, you’ll be able to stand up for yourself and recognize unsuitable men who only want to take advantage of you. I highly recommend watching more of Anna Runkle’s videos, and also seeking therapy, if that’s something you can afford.

Warm regards and big hug to you too!