To Andromeda and Anita,

Thank you so much for both opening up. And I had to respond, especially since Anita mentioned that your (Andromeda) nephew’s light could be a beacon, even now, in reading your post. And I can say that it is. So thank you.

I came across this post as I am searching, searching, searching for meaning. Meaning to life, meaning to my days. I cannot hold a job. And by google and clicking I found myself here at Tiny Buddha, which I often do. So to continue on, Anita, I found your responses and conversations with Banananananana- about leaving jobs. First of all, your advice there helped me immensely. To make a long story short I too suffer from I’m sure, although undiagnosed, ADHD…and depression. (Diagnosed)

To get to my point here, I lost my daughter to overdose in 2018. Thus me clicking on bereavement in the forums today. Andromeda- my heart goes out to you so dearly and so deeply. You truly did everything you could, but the guilt and shame subside and I can see that in your words. I too feel this. I failed my daughter. And Anita, your deep response to Andromeda- about how humans fail humans IS HUMAN, saved my soul today. It is so hard to live through such traumatic deaths of loved one’s let alone fighting those guilt and shame thoughts on top of just rising out of bed.

I am leaving yet ANOTHER job as I am struggling so much to just be in the world right now. But realizing I have never been that good at keeping jobs, and with the added hopelessness of losing my daughter, it all seems so pointless. More so than ever before.

Thank you both for being a beacon of light to me in a day of struggle, and Andromeda, thank your nephew for me. I will surely be sending him light as well.

And to speak a little on the visions/voice you heard Andromeda, from your nephew, I too have several from my daughter. She endlessly tells me there is ‘only love’ that matters in this life here, on this plane. That there is purpose to my life. That she has purpose where she is and I have purpose where I am. Only love.

Believe me, I do not always have a positive attitude. It’s very difficult, and I try and believe her every day. But that is ALWAYS her answer to me. ‘There is only love.’ And most of the time that makes me mad, because life here right now is so hard for so many. I have a job interview tomorrow for a hair stylist, which I have quit doing, because you have to talk so much, but I have GOT to keep my apartment. I have to be a person. In the world. And I would much rather stay home. But I won’t have a home if I don’t work and right now I am working at an Amazon warehouse and my body can’t do it. I’m 57 years old and can’t seem to figure this out. I thought working somewhere where I don’t have to be a person, would work. But it does not.

I am going to curl my hair, put on an outfit, and get a job this week. I don’t want to. I am learning a lot about something you mentioned Anita, in Banananana’s post- emotional regulation. My biggest obstacle. ( that might have been someone else…but you DID mention DBT and that to is so helpful with this.) thank you thank you.

Anyway- looooong reply. But I did want to acknowledge both of you and thank both of you so much. Sending you so much love!

Andromeda- what is your nephews name? What was he studying in school? He sounds like such a great kid. I would love to hear more about him!

❤️ Judy