Dear Anita,

Thank you for taking time to understand the situation better.

Answering the is it that growing up, you had to always be there for your mother (or father) because she was very unhappy and so, you tried to solve her problems/ make her happy? part – exactly, I had a very chaotic childhood, my father had serious drinking problem, so mother was always thinking on the next step, most of the time tired, scared or just with thoughts floating somewhere else. I do not remember of doing anything fun with her, so the coping mechanism formed that I always have to scan others’ emotions to know what is the situation, what is the environment, whether I can ask for help/ talk about my problems/what scares me etc or if I shouldn’t because my mother/father is at the moment busy with their problems. I had a need inside to always solve their problems, so that maybe then I can live in a happy, stable and calm family with happy parents.

This little child’s dream is haunting me till this day with everyone, whether I am talking to a person that I see for the first time, my family or a close friend- I want to know all of the details, how they feel, what they are thinking. This is a very heavy emotional weight, because what I do all day is thinking of others, feeling what they feel, thinking on how I can cheer them up, which advice I should give. I believe even reading this it feels exhausting. It really is, I feel empty, with no one to talk, just serving for others emotionally and physically.

This high sensitivity helped me to go through my childhood, to get parents love, but now this high sensitivity doesn’t serve me, it exhausts and I feel as I have never lived my own life, because I had to think of others and help them live their life…