Dear Anita,

“– She is re-experiencing her  relationship with her father while in a relationship with N ever since it became a long-enough relationship, longer than all your past relationships. It was bound to happen no matter who you’d be in a romantic relationship, once the relationship lasts long-enough and you become .. (too) attached to the man.”

So is the answer through the relationship? I started to have this feeling about a year into the relationship but the past year has been the “8 months my mind hasn’t rested” (the title of my first forum). Does ending this cycle require me to be alone with hatchling more? or to actually spend more time with N to build trust?

I am not sure if this is hatchling or objective truth, but sometimes it seems like N tries to make me disconnect from him. His mom is quite cold when it comes to affection and nurturing. But I am the opposite, I love to nurture and take care of others. Sometimes I feel like N does things, unconsciously, that intentionally bring out my cold side, like his mother. But I do not like to be cold, it feels terrible when I feel triggered and my warmth hides away. For example, like I mentioned in my post, November 4, 2023 at 1:33 pm, the next morning, Saturday, was obviously a delicate day after that miscommunication about spending the day together, we both cried, him after seeing me truly struggle to calm down. The next morning feeling so delicate, it really felt like he kicked me while I was down by texting me so coldly, when I asked when we were meeting for lunch he says “I ate lunch at 10am lol”, like this message is such a brush off and the “lol,” like does he have zero sensitivity? Then he just straight up says  “it means we’re not gonna see each other today.” He knew that would trigger the whole evening to me, he knows me better than to think that wouldn’t hurt. I do not understand this lack of empathy and sensitivity from him and this honestly just triggered another panic attack, which is the moment I wrote the post on November 4, 2023 at 1:33 pm. THEN the next evening, Sunday night, he was to come over for dinner and he was an hour late! Just kicked again while I was down. Honestly I literally felt like he just wanted me to be cold like his mother, but if he is going to try to put me into that box I want to be far away from him. I haven’t talked to him about the CALLOUS text messages or being late, on top of everything that had just happened! because he will just get defensive and it will ruin our time together. But it really bothers me.

with love,

hatchling and possibly Seaturtle in defense of her