Dear Nick:

You shared that you served 15 years in the military. For about 8 years following your release from the military you went on only 2 dates, and then you met your now ex-girlfriend, had a 6-months relationship with her and just broke up.

You gave her the key to my place a couple weeks into the relationship. You gave her your phone password (I assume she asked for your password. I wonder what reason she gave you for asking, and why you gave it to her).

“She went through my phone… she went through my stuff… she found some stuff in my social on my Gmail…  She also made a point to go through my browser history“- my goodness, she acted like a detective looking for evidence against you, and she did it repeatedly throughout the relationship, from beginning to end.

“Saw I had not deleted some dating sites from like years ago… I apologized…  Again I apologized..  She did the unfriend me on Facebook and snap chat and refriend me then unfriend me… I had an emotional melt down“- it doesn’t surprise me that a searched,  interrogated, unfriended, re-friended and unfriended-again man will have a melt down. Seems like you entered the relationship as a Guilty Man, in her mind, and she was looking for proof all along, that you are indeed guilty.

Her behavior is not unusual for women who were betrayed in their past, projecting their distrust into future men. Basically, you paid the price for someone else who betrayed her, someone you don’t even know.

“.…But most of all I will remember being betrayed by my best friend and lover over stuff I had subscribed to over the course of being in the military for 15 years. Being back in Wisconsin and not dating anyone for 8 years. I gave you my all, and apparently, that was not enough“- you gave her your honest thoughts and feelings.. and you were indeed betrayed by the woman who falsely accused you of betraying her.

“I unloaded on her and I regret doing that… She also filed a formal hr complaint which I can’t blame her“- I didn’t notice any abusive unloading on your part.. what is it exactly that you regret, and what was the HR complaint about?

You don’t have to answer, of course. Share only what you feel comfortable sharing.

anita